Am I Going Crazy?

[ksugino1]

hello, i am new to this board. febuaray 26 i had to put my jack-russel terrier, sunny who i have had for 13 years down. she was my child. i remember the week it happend i was a mess, two of my friends sat and comforted me up till sunny's departure and after, we had to put her down, her kidneys were failing her, no appetite , basically looked miserable. anyways tomorrow is the two month aniversary, i still cry myself to sleep. i was doing better until easter and then i backtracked to square one again ( no clue why either) i have very little appetite myself ( i eat one meal a day) my caffine consumption has gone thru the roof ( i used to drink 1-2 cans a coke a day, now i am up to 6) i dotn want to be around people, i wish i would have died with my dog, and my friends are driving me nuts, ever since sunny died they all tell me i need to act a way, do this, do that. i should be over it by now, etc. the list keeps going on, when i hear those things and can't do them, i feel like a failure as a friend, i feel like i am letting them down. it hurts for me to breath 90% of the time also. all i want to do is cry my eyes out, which i do quite frequently, its weird there are moments wehre i am ok, but then pain hits me from the side and all i do is curl up and cry. i also tired of failing my friends since i can't cope in the way they think i need to. i feel so alone in this world because of it. i jsut want to be held and comforted, i am not expecting them to know why i am feeling the way i am,or to fully understand the pain. just comforting me is a way of expressing that they are there. but i dont know how to tell them that. my mom told me the other night to just " get over it" and the pain from that was so bad i was hoping she would just pull out a knife and stab me instead. anyways enough babbling from me now. am i going crazy?

[mlg]

Some people just don't get the fact that to some of us our pets are like our children. It sounds like Sunny was that to you, so her death is like losing your teenage child and it's going to hurt like H---. I'm sorry no one is putting their arms around you and trying to comfort you. I know this is just cyberspace but ((((((hugs))))).

Have you thought about getting another pet? It will not take Sunny's place but would maybe occupy you enough to help you start forward.

Keep coming here and getting your feelings out. Even if no one posts back to you it lets you SCREAM when you need it.

[ksugino1]

i have another dog, patches, she is a greyhound saluki mix. she looks so sad all the time but my mom says she is happy. thx for the hug. i figured i was going crazy with the way my body is acting and how i am acting. o well at least its nice to know that i am not the only one

[Rameyw]

You ARE NOT going crazy! What you are feeling/experiencing is very much normal with grief. I had to have my precious mare put down 3 1/2 years ago and there are days that I will be fine and then, like you, I curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out for her. There is NO TIME LIMIT on grief and those that tell you to "get over it" just don't get "it". I had a couple of people say that to me and then when I put it into a way they could understand such as I HAVE to go to the barn everyday twice a day to take care of all the other horses and it is VERY hard for me, without my girl being there, and so when someone said after TWO WEEKS that I should be over it, I asked them how they would like it if they had lost their son and everyday they would be forced to sit in his classroom and then watch all the other parents interacting with THEIR child while they sat watching it take place while missing their own "baby". They GOT IT and they QUIT it!!!!

Why do you feel like you are failing as a friend? If you broke your arm and your friends said that after a week it should be healed and it wasn't would that also mean that you have failed as a friend? NO! Your heart is broken and that I believe takes longer than anything else to heal. So tell them you have a broken heart and need their hugs and comforting as a bandage to help it heal. I was very lucky with most of my friends they were a great support system for me and were there with me when I had to have Maria put down. One of them was with me when she took her first breath and also her last breath, Maria was only 8 years old and was EVERYTHING I had ever dreamed of in a horse (I waited 30+ years for her to come into my life). You ARE NOT CRAZY!!!! One day you will smile again for your precious Sunny though it's hard to believe right now, but I can smile about Maria now.

Please Take Care and know you ARE NOT ALONE in how you feel.

Hugs across the miles,

Kelly

[ksugino1]

i feel like a fialure because my friends can't understand why i am still depressed about it two months after it happend, neither can my mom, i know they all mean welll when they tell me to get over it and whatever but it feels like they are all stabbing me with really sharp jagged knives when they say stuff liek that. i know that they don't like watching me be depressed/moody but i figured it was part of the process of grief. i just feel like in a weird way i am pushing my friends away, by my wanting to isolate, which is triggered by the statesments mentioned above, about jsut getting over it, just letting it go, etc. i have a good friend who i sat at her house the night sunny was put down, i think she saw me cry over the same thign more than once, and then the day after i was at her house crying all day... but its like the frist couple of days is over and i am supposed to be back to normal. i had someone tell me that grief was only a 3-4 day thing, i think if i could have flames in my eyes from anger that would ahve been it. i dunno, since the mainstream of everyone i know is saying be done with it, and over it ( paraphrased) and i am not, i feel like i am failing them, of course i havent been able to say to them i need a hug/need to be held either, i start talking and two words into my rant they tell me what thye think i need to do, and i am still upset and then feeling like an even bigger screw up. its really hard for me at night, because sunny slept in my room every night for the last 5 years, and when she was put down i was the one holding her head. last wednsday i had to take my greyhound to the vet to get her nails trimmed and jsut out of luck or what not we had to go in the same room that sunny was put down in , of course my mind got flooded with visions of that day again, and so my mom told me i liked to be miserable because i got home locked myself in my room and cried about it. she wnet but stayed in the waiting room, which was hard also, but not as hard as being in the room. thanks for the advice on not being crazy though, i just feel like i am collapsing and going insane because of this.

hugs from AZ

-kimi

[MartyT]

Kimi, I don't know what part of Arizona you're from, but if you're in the Valley, please make an effort to participate in Hospice of the Valley's in-person Pet Loss Support Group which meets tomorrow morning (Saturday,May 2) at our central Administration Building in Phoenix (go here for further details: http://www.caaainc.org/petgriefsupport.htm ). In addition to this Pet Loss forum, you'll find no better place to take your grief than this safe, compassionate group.

Please know that feeling as if you're crazy is not at all uncommon among grieving animal lovers, because so often pet loss is so grossly misunderstood and trivialized by the general public. Arm yourself with information about this special kind of grief, so you'll understand that your reactions are not only normal, but predictable and therefore manageable. Start by doing some reading about pet loss. When you find an article that you like or one that describes your own reactions accurately, consider printing it out and giving it to your mother to read, so she'll have a better understanding of what you are going through.

See for example the following:

Coping with Pet Loss: Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad About This? http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/copi..._pet_loss.shtml

Pet Loss Articles, http://www.griefhealing.com/pet-loss-articles.htm

General Pet Loss Resources, http://www.griefhealing.com/general-pet-loss-resources.htm

Helplines, Message Boards, Chats, http://www.griefhealing.com/help-lines-mes...oards-chats.htm

Books, Book Excerpts on Pet Loss, http://www.griefhealing.com/books-excerpts...-loss-links.htm

[Rameyw]

Marty,

Thank you for posting those links, I am going to check them out myself.

I have days where I see myself as a little old lady crying and holding a worn picture of a horse and telling others about how much I still miss Maria and I can see them all wondering if I've lost my mind.

Kimi,

I found a book about the grief of losing a horse and I passed it around to all of my friends so they would understand me better and what I was going thru. It really helped and they quit badgering me about when I was going to "get over it". I also encouraged them to write a little "Maria Memory" in it too. It was a big help to me AND them.

Please take care and know that you are safe here and so many people understand how you feel.

Hugs,

Kelly

[ksugino1]

thanks guys, i was aware of the support group meeting tomorrow, its about 40 minutes away from my house, but i have to go to school tomorrow to make up some work i missed tuesday night. i will look for books and stuff. i found one website that is really good, but i dont know how to send the link to my friends and tell them that is how to help me, i have tried telling them nicely not to tell me what to feel and when is the proper "time" to be over it, but we will see. i will check out those links also marty, is there any other groups that meet besides the one tomorrow?

[MartyT]

is there any other groups that meet besides the one tomorrow?

Not that I'm aware of, my friend ~ but you'll find a great deal of information, comfort and support for pet loss on the Internet, if you take the time to follow the links included in my post above.

[ksugino1]

i will check it out next month then. i would love to go today but i already made the plans to go to the school and make up work i missed tuesday night. can grief cause a person to get really bad headaches, either tension headaches or migraines? i have been getting bad headaches almost every other day, and i always want to puke because of them...

[MartyT]

can grief cause a person to get really bad headaches, either tension headaches or migraines?

Yes, indeed. See Physical Reactions to Loss, http://www.griefhealing.com/column-physical-reactions.htm

[ksugino1]

Yes, indeed. See Physical Reactions to Loss, http://www.griefhealing.com/column-physical-reactions.htm

thanks marty i went and checked it out, a lot of it sounds like me right now. my friends are still not real understanding, they think i dwell on my dog dieing. i don't know how to nicely show them a webiste i found, or one of your's marty to help me better. whats a good way to show them how to help me without offending/upsetting them?

[MartyT]

Kimi, dear ~

While some folks really are thoughtless and don't think before they speak, bear in mind that many well-meaning individuals have yet to experience a significant loss, so they really don't know what grief feels like, how to respond, or what to say. They aren't deliberately trying to hurt you. In addition to that, many people simply don't understand or appreciate the strength of the human-animal bond or the significance of the loss when a cherished animal companion dies. In such cases you really have three choices: You can choose to bear with such people and forgive them for their ignorance; you can enlighten them about what you know of grief (by informing and educating them about it); or you can look to others who are more understanding to find the support you need (in the form of a pet loss support group, for example).

If you choose the second option, you could say something like this: I know it's hard for you to understand why I'm reacting this way to Sunny's death, and I appreciate your concern. If you are willing, I'd like you to do something for me. I found this article on the Internet, and I've printed it out for you (or I'm sending you a link to the article) so you can read it. Maybe this will help you understand better where I'm coming from ~ and then after you've read it, we can talk about it.

Here are some examples of articles you could share:

Am I Crazy to Feel So Sad about This? http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/copi..._pet_loss.shtml

Animal Loss: Myths and Realities, http://www.griefhealing.com/animal-loss.htm

Why Does Pet Loss Hurt So Much? http://www.griefhealing.com/article-why-do...urt-so-much.htm

Can Losing a Pet Feel Worse than Losing a Relative? http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/deal...pet_death.shtml

Helping a Friend with Pet Loss, http://www.griefhealing.com/article-pet-lo...ng-a-friend.htm

[ksugino1]

thanks marty for the input.. i will figure out what i am doing and update you all later on...

[ksugino1]

thanks marty for the input.. i will figure out what i am doing and update you all later on...

ok here is the update. i emailed my friends the link, i said what you said marty. so far no one has asked me about it. i am hoping i didnt upset them or anything. i also know eveyone is really busy right now. so we will see. i am still feeling pretty crappy though, i am getting migraines 5 days out of 7 ( i tracked it last week) my appetite is good, and i am either oversleeping or undersleeping. i can't find a happy medium.. i cry for no apparent reason and really miss sunny. one thing i read was not to grieve alone. after the first two days i have been grieving alone. i am not sure if that is good or not. another thing i read was to talk about the death and my dog. i haven't done that either... i wonder if that is why i am having such a hard time coping.....

[ksugino1]

so i had something weird happen earlier this week, i was talking to a friend about something else ( non sunny dieing related)and somehow we got to talking about sunny dieing, and she told me that another friend of ours lost her dogs ( i already knew that) but it was worse because that particular person is not able to have kids. i wanted to punch my friend in the face for saying that. its like it didn't matter to her that i hurt over my dog because i can physically have kids. keep in mind the fact that i don't want kids, never have. i would much rather have dogs. but when she said that i felt my heart shatter all over again. and i also felt more isolated and alone than i had in my life. is that normal for me to feel this way over that?