The Second Time Is Not Easier... Just Different

[ELHG]

Hello. I am a newbie here, but am eager to know you. I have been widowed twice. Most recently... PG and I were married on Valentine's Day 2009. Three days later he suffered a massive heart attack. Life support kept him alive for seven days while various tests and treatments were accomplished. Our family honored his Living Will and life support was removed on Day #9. He died on Day #10.

Now some may think the second time would be less difficult and heart-wrenching. Not so... It's just different than the first time. Oh how I miss him. I ache for his arms around me. It is hard to be with other people... easier to play the hermit. I know... I know. I need to be with people. And it's true... I always feel better after I've been "out"... even if it's just for a meal or groceries. I force myself to get out of my house.

Also, I write down what I'm doing, what I'm going to do, how I'm feeling, what worked to raise my spirits and what didn't. It's like journaling, but I do it on a blog that others can read if they choose to. Maybe what I write will help someone else, but it's mostly to help me. The blog is called 'My Widow's Walk.' And you are welcome to follow it if you would like to.

Just go here... My Widow's Walk

[Boo Mayhew]

Dear ELHG

Welcome to the Board. I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Of course it is just as hard the second time ... you were brave enough to take the leap and risk giving your heart to someone again, having already experienced being widowed. Why would it be any less - especially as grief is cumulative.

I love your blog (I write one too - you are much more artistic than I am.)

Keep posting here please because it has helped me and others so much.

[Bdzack]

Thank you so much for your blogs! You sharing memories of your time together and your feelings is so real to me...it certainly makes me feel that I am not so alone or crazy! Thanks

[kayc]

ELHG,

I'm so sorry to hear about your husband dying, and so soon after you were married too! No, this walk doesn't get any easier if we experience it again, it's just another loss on top of one you already had. There are others here who have been through it more than once too. I just pray for strength and comfort to fill your soul and send you (((hugs))), I'm glad you found this site!

Kay

[valley]

ECHG and Boo,

Thank you for sharing your blogs. Not only are your blogs inspiring to others and helpful for you to express your feelings, they are opening your hearts to the creative process.

You are both brave women.

Bless you both, Valley

[marsha]

ELHG - I just read through your blog, and I just have to say thank you for sharing such an intimate glimpse of your life, and your grief. Since my husband died, 10 1/2 months ago, I have been writing in a journal, which is at about 100 pages right now. I don't think I could post it in a blog, because there are too many "expletive deleted" words! When I'm angry, or torn, I curse, what can I say? Welcome to this forum - a sad welcome. Hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

Marsha, do an "edit, replace" command with *** inserted instead. I just started a blog, I thought it'd be a good way to get out my feelings without someone running across a journal in a drawer and reading it.