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Missing Mum


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My lovely mum passed away recently form cancer. She had it for a year and she seemed to be doing so well. Then I went walking with her one day, we came home and she lay down and she couldn't get out of bed. She died within a few days. It is still such a shock. She was the one person I could tell everything to, and I don't know how I can get through this without her. She was so amazing to talk to and no one else is as deep or wise or knows me as well.

My Father left when I was young and so now I have no parents. I feel so sad that if I have children I will never be able to give them grandparents. Mum would have loved so much to be a grandmother. She would have been wonderful. I feel so alone without her.

I have lost all my inspiration to do anything. I used to have big dreams now I can't seem to see the point. I don't know where to go next.

I don't feel like I can grieve for her properly because I don't feel like I have enough support.

I want so much to have a life that she could be proud of but I just don't have the energy for anything. My heart is so heavy most of the time.

She was such an energetic person who did so much in her life. I wish I could be like her but I have nothing left to give anyone. I just wish I could chat to her again and give her a cuddle.

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Hi Josie,

I understand how you feel, my mom had cancer we thought she was beating it, suddenly she just deteriorated although it was weeks not days. I don't have children yet and feel the same sadness about that. What i can say to you is be good to yourself, take a day and do whatever you want! I spent one day just watching TV, then i started writing my mom a letter - everything i want to tell her. Her letter is getting longer and longer and i don't know what i'll do with it but it 'helps' as much as anything can right now. It's hard, we miss our moms and nobody is the same as your mom. I have times where i just look at a picture and cry then i have times where i know my mom wants me to be happy and live my life - trying to find a good balance because i will miss her forever but i have to go on. Just remember be good to yourself and remember you are not alone, there are others who understand.

Take care

Michelle

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Hi Michelle,

Thank you for your lovely message and I am also sorry about your mum. It's a shock isn't it. Mum wanted so much to get better, she tried so hard. I just wish with all my heart that there was more I could have done. It's very hard to accept that there wasn't.

That's some good advice. I still write my mum emails, it helps a lot. It does help to know I'm not alone so thank you for sharing your story. It can hurt a lot when everyone around you seems to have their mum.

I wish you every joy in life Michelle. I hope you have lots of love and understanding around you.

Warmest wishes,

Josie

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  • 2 weeks later...

I know how you feel, and it has been exactly 2 mths today, that my Mom passed away and what a extremely hard time I had with it. My mom did not have cancer, but other ailments, which does not make any difference to anyone what happened, because it happened. I go to therapy because my "cup had runneth over" and I wouldn't be in the frame of mind I am now, if I didn't, and as I also take meds to ease the anxiety that I endured for the first time in my life. I started reading books and learned alot about what was going on, and that I wasn't the only one...as we all feel. Lately I have been missing her terribley and my guilt seems to want to surface again and try and push me backwards, but I am trying to push back. I am the type to want this done with and get on with it, but I am also learning it is not all in my control and have to adjust accordingly. I know that I think of her everyday, but sometimes I feel I don't think of her and the guilt of it hurts so much. It's like I forgot for one split second and then it hits me that I will nver see her again. It is just a roller coaster ride everyday, but I know it will get better but never will i forget her. I just wnat her back and I know that we are all in the same boat and that is why I came here, to vent to share and know that there are others like me.

tears and huggs to all. :(:(

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Dear Sherr, Josie and Michelle,

I am so sorry for your loss. My father died from cancer when I was in my early twenties and he never got to meet my wonderful husband or his grandchildren. You three are sharing a bond right now, speaking with each other and I hope this will give solace to you as you grieve the loss of your mothers.

My mother is 92 and showing signs of dementia and in many ways I am also losing my mother as she seems to drift further away. She is fighting really hard to hang on though. My mother did have a good and long life with many wonderful adventures, so of course it is different. Our mothers are such primary figures in our lives and in who we are and I feel for you all tonight.

Share your ideas and feelings, as you are.

Take care, Valley

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Hi, I'm new to this website but I see that a lot of people are hurting just like me... My mom passed in March of this year. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in February 2008 and passed away in March of 2009. That was the longest year and the shortest year of my life! I know we all think our moms are the most special in our lives and yes I would be the first to say she was a Super Mom! All my life she was my super hero and I feel her in spirit every hour of the day.. The first day she went for Chemo therpy she came out and just as she was getting in the car she noticed a penny on the ground and she said it was her lucky day! My siblings also found penny's on the ground- so we all feel that when we see those penny's it must be her sending them to us- smile.. Not only did my mom have Cancer but she was almost totally blind and once the chemo started she lost all of what she couldn't see.. She was very strong willed and even up to the last week she kept saying that if only she could help out cleaning or cooking she woudl be thankful.. My husband and I lived with her and God forbid I tell people that I was her care giver she would let them know that she was able to take care of herself! Believe it or not she felt better when she could take care of me or someone else.. She was a tiny woman but she was one of the strongest women I've ever met! Yes, I'm gieving but I know that my mom is in a much better place! I think the hardest part for me was that prior to that horrible day that she was diagnosed she never even got a cold.. She used to claim she was a healthy as a horse and then when she got the Cancer I told her that she was a strong as a bull! She made chemo look like it was a walk in the park- never really got too sick but she felt that it wasn't quality of life if she couldn't do those daily chores.. I take comfort in the fact that she was seeing children and family members at the end. At least she was able to see again! The last morning she spoke to us she asked for chocolate and I pinched off a piece and she gave everyone chocolate kisses.. That was just the kind of woman she was- always making sure everyone was happy! I Take every moment of every day and thank God that I had many days, hours and minutes with her.. Thanks, Carla Dee

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