dravens_rage Posted July 21, 2009 Report Posted July 21, 2009 Hi all, this is the first time I've written a post so please bare with me. Two years ago i lost my mum to cancer, needless to say it's been a horrible experience to put it politely. Anyway at the turn of the year i thought i should try and make some effort to try and get back on with life and applied to do a degree course where i studied when i was 21. Wasn't sure this is what i should do, to be honest since i heard my mums diagnosis i haven't known what i've wanted for about 4 years, but it was a step in the right direction career wise. It's getting closer to me having to go to college and im finding it so difficult, applying for loans, even just thinking about trying to sort accomodation is a mammoth and scary task, i used to have my mums support with all these decisions and im really starting to feel alone, trying to move on for me just seems so hard, in reality these things aren't such a big deal i know but right now for me they seem gigantic. I think i just want to know if anyone else found it hard trying to pick up life again? for me doing this course is finally accepting everything that has happened, this is how life is now and to be honest it still hurts.Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated, thankyouSean
marsha Posted July 21, 2009 Report Posted July 21, 2009 Sean - you're not alone in your feelings. For me, I run the business that my husband and I both started years ago, and it's been a learning curve. I think what you're doing is a very positive thing. Yes, you'll miss your mother's input - of course you will! I've taken to asking people for help. It's not a bad thing - and you'll find that people will want to help you, even in filling out forms, and such. Baby steps will do it; you can do it. It's a scary thing to move forward without the person you depended on, and loved, for so long, I know. I'm wishing you good thoughts today, hugs, Marsha
mlg Posted July 22, 2009 Report Posted July 22, 2009 You betcha it's hard. Even though it was hard when my dad died, it is totally different with a spouse. Tom has been gone 18 mos and I still haven't made out a new will (we had just updated them 2 months before his diagnosis) I know that I should but each thing like that, that I do makes it feel like I'm losing another piece of him. It feels like you are picking a big muffin apart and eventually it will be gone and I don't want him to be gone.Here in the States there are people at the university that will help you fill out all the papers and apply for loans and get financial aid. Sometimes just what your last name is can get you a scholarship.I know this is a big step but from your post I am assuming you are in your mid 20's. Just keep taking baby steps and before you know it you will be graduating.Good luck in your endeavors.
kayc Posted July 22, 2009 Report Posted July 22, 2009 Sean,You are not alone in feeling this way...grief has a way of altering our focus, and I'm not sure we ever get it back like "before", I think it's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I've learned to accept my altered me and be kind to myself, I think that's important. I've also learned to try to have positive focus and that helps. I think it helps to know they would be proud of us for the strides we make, and that gives us the courage to continue on. Good luck on your schooling!Kay
dravens_rage Posted July 22, 2009 Author Report Posted July 22, 2009 Thankyou all for sharing your thoughts, it helps to hear that i'm not the only one finding it hard, i only ever felt that i could rely on my mum, i say felt, i could and did rely on my mum, her passing was devastating for me, but i'm miserable where i am, im not doing what i want and this is a step towards what i want to do, i want to do this for myself and for my mum, i'm tired of being miserable, there are times in grief when this is unavoidable, but this misery is because i'm not moving because im just moping around and i think it's time to get off my backside and get back on track and do what it is i set out to do. My god i actually sound optimistic, it is really daunting for me and thankyou for the baby steps advice, everytime i get forms filled or sent off i feel like i need to sit down from the worry, but i've managed to do a little bit at a time, so thankyou and thankyou so much for taking the time to read and reply it means so much to me because i don't know that many people who understand what we are all going though and have gone through, it makes me feel more normal and at peace. sean
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