4 Months After Losing Denny

[denny's heartbeat]

I have been away for awhile, joined the family when Denny passed in April and stayed logged on 24/7! Well, when I accidently signed out I realized that during the first stages of my loss of Denny I had never wrote down the information that would bring me back to the "family"! Silly?? Yes, but I found a way back with a new name and writing down information needed for future use! lol On the 4th of August it made 4 months that Denny passed from a massive heart attack at age 49. We were just a short time away from our wedding date, coming off the long winter months that we found ourselves stuck inside, and looking forward to the spring and summer months. Denny loved summer, he had already taken the cover off the pool a couple days before God called him away.... he wanted to get started with getting the pool ready for summer, but truth is...he was just excited He lived in the pool almost all of his spare time during the summer. Denny worked hard as a heavy equipment operator for a construction company and took care of a huge yard at home, with all the landscaping done by him...beautiful....a reflection of himself. When he died, which was a Saturday, he had left the house to cut wood at his work site with a co-worker of his, he was very tired that morning and I had asked him to stay home....knowing of course tht he wouldn't, never missed work, said he'd have more coffee and feel better when he got going. I got a call and he said that he had a few pieces of wood left to pick up and that he had sent his co-worker out ahead of him and was getting ready to head home. I remember him asking if we could pull the grill out of the garage and do steaks , like I said he was excited!!! I waited, and waited, and then waited some more Denny never came home and I will NEVER as long as I live forget that gut wrenching feeling that grabbed the pit of my stomach and stayed there! You see when Denny and I met we had decided that we would wait and bring the families together at a later time and work on getting to know each other, which we spent months and months doing. We both had failed relationships before and wanted to make sure that we were gonna make it before bringing our kids into it, so when he asked me to marry him on March 3, 2009 (his 49th. birthday), I said "oh hell yes!!" and we then set a date of memorial weekend for families to meet at our house for what do you think?? YES!! BBQ!! But we didn't make it that far and none of his family knew how to get in touch with me, they knew he was dating and they would be meeting me in May, but Denny and I didn't live together yet (even though I was there all the time!lol), and when he didn't come home that night or the next day even.... I hate to say that I got really pissed and left!! I waited for him to call, didn't know where his job site was where they had been cutting wood...so I waited for that call that just never came from Denny. I'm ashamed of myself now for becoming so angry at him, but I had no idea that a healthy man could just drop dead like that! A week passed and I had made trips to the house, never ran into anyone there, then one day his truck was there...I searched every inch of that house for him...Then I woke up at 3 am and got online and checked hospitals with this sick feeling inside Couldn't explain it, just had it. No to the hospitals, then I made that turn to obituaries from the week past knowing that there was NO WAY IN HELL he was in there, the screen loaded and I cannot explain that intense, sick feeling that hit my body in wave after wave.....there was his name....I was making this horrible discovery on the day that they held memorial services for the one true love in my life. Moral to this story....never wait to do the things that are in the order of lifes code! You might miss something very IMPORTANT to you....in this case it's Denny I was never able to say good bye too.......Thanks for letting me ramble, just walking down thru the memories and will share more of "our" story soon. I love you Denny, I can still feel you baby!

[laurieb]

Joanna,

WOW! I am so sorry for your loss and what a horrific series of events. Not only how you lost him but of how you found out. To have lost someone so special and important to you and not to be there to find out or be involved in the services must have been so hard. I hope that during these few months you have been included in sharing some of your memories with his family. Your story reminds me of a movie Nights of Rhodanti (sp) something very very similar. My husband died a few weeks before (3/14/09) your Denny, he was also 49 and died of an aortic dissection. He too, was just solid, worked on our property, loved being outside, loved BBQ's, loved me and our boys and would never stop either! The similarities are just so remarkable. God has a few special, strong loving and giving angels up there!

I hope you continue to come back and share with us as you are not alone and we can all be there for one another. Married or not, you lost your soul mate and the love of your life and we will be there for you.

Hugs,

Laurie

[kayc]

Joanna,

I'm glad you found your way back here again. I just watched Nights of Rhodanti, it was a beautiful movie. How sad that your plans were cut short, but please know that your union began whether the paper caught up or not. I hope you find much healing and comfort from this site, we're here for you.

[Boo Mayhew]

Joanna

I too am so glad you have found your way back here ... I have thought about you often and wondered how you are doing. Still got that Harley?

xx