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34 months and still trying to understand its forever.Some days I feel so tired of this grief road I want to give up and there are days I feel better and want to go with life.Every single day I think of him all the things I miss thenI try to think of what I have to live for and try to keep a balance.Winter is coming and have to go back to my mothers house.It has been 5 months since she is gone but the pain for Yiany is so intence that covers my mothers death.Thank you all for supporting me all this road traveling called grief.Your far away friend .TENY

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Teny, I am only at 8 months but strongly identify with what you are saying. Some days are just too hard, and others are better. Like you, I struggle with the concept of how final Cliff's death is, but what gets me through that is this. It's forever only in this lifetime. I honestly believe that we will be reunited with our loved ones again for eternity, true eternity. That helps me cope. I wish you peace and strength.

xx

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Teny - - I am with you in spirit. Like you, I have the bad days and some good. Like Boo, I am at eight months out (tomorrow) and the face of my beautiful husband fills my thoughts. Like Boo, I also believe that some day we will be united for eternity. Until then, I am sure that both Yiany and Stephen would want us to make the most of the life we have. After all, they fought so hard for theirs and it is precious. I will be thinking of you and hoping that you find some small amount of peace.

Love from far away.

Kathy

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Dear Teny,

You said that your grief for Yiani covers your mother's death. I was told that each grief we experience causes us the grieve the earlier ones at a deeper level. It is like peeling back an onion. There are just so many layers. Best of luck as you go to your mother's home. It won't be easy, but my prayers will go with you.

Kath

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Dear Teny,

Like you, I have not found this new reality without my husband to get much easier emotionally with the passage of time. Some days I am very motivated, get things done, visit with friends, find things that I enjoy, laugh and work and then the next morning I wake up and am in depair and longing and do not want to see anyone.

I just started reading a book which I think will give me some new ideas to think about... A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss by Jerry Sittser that Boo had recommended. I found it on-line from a used book store. Thanks for that information Boo.

Today is Sept. 7th and my Tom was alive and fighting for his life along side me on this day last year. He died two days later, the 9th. I have gone into a reclusive mode this last week and been mostly alone. My son stops by every few days and that is good for me. My daughter is arriving tomorrow for two days so that the 3 of us can be together on the 9th and share the love we feel for Tom. The sorrow we also feel.

Thank all of you for letting me say things to you these past months as it has comforted me.

Take care Teny.

Your friend, Valley

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