Reach The 6th Month Of Deb's Passing

[deborah ogren]

Yesterday marked 6 month since I lost my domestic parnter Deb. It was a bad day for me, I found myself not wanting to talk to any one, I cried most of the day. I didn't even get out of my pj's. I really felt more of a loss than I had before. One day I feel that I'm doing alright, and then the next I feel like I'm taking two steps backwards. Some times I feel like I'm going crazy, and then other times it doesn't feel to bad.

I keep trying to keep postive and tell my self things are going to get better as time goes by. But the truth of the matter is I miss so much about her. I never was upset that she left me, I was upset with the disease that took her from me. I know that must sound strange but Deb and I talked about it before she went into hospice. She knew it was just a matter of time, I kept holding on there was something the doctors could do to save her, but she couldn't be save. I guess that is one of the hardest things to deal with, they don't want to leave us, but they don't have any control of this sistuation, it's all up in God's hands. I have to believe that she is in a better place, no more pain and she is free to do what God wants her to do.

I wonder why greiving has to be so hard for the people that are left behind, there isn't a easy way to keep your emotions together, or your heart from breaking, greiving takes control of your body and soul and your mind. I just wish that greiving wasn't so painful, they say time does heal all things. Right nowI'm having a hard time in believing this, which each of all maybe have felt this also.

Deborah

[mrspapajohn]

Deborah - - When I read your post my first thoughts were that I could have written almost the very same words on every monthly anniversary of Stephen's death. It is undoubtedly the hardest thing that we have to go through in this life. Here, the significant words are "go through" because we will pass through this terrible, terrible time. I cannot imagine ever forgetting such a love as we were lucky enough to have, and they will always be in our hearts - - in fact part of our very essence, but the pain will lessen. I watched my mother go through her grief when my father died. She outlived him by 21 years. I knew that she was in pain, but I didn't know the extent of that pain until my own husband died. But I do know that she laughed again, and actually felt joy again, and that gives me hope.

I wish you peace and my heart goes out to you.

Kathy

[LarrysGirl]

Deborah, I know that was a hard day for you. Losing the one you love is a special grief. They are the ones who knew of inside and out, the ones we went to bed at night with, shared meals with, shared our hearts with... its not wonder it hurts so bad. You are early in your grief. Its good that you share your feelings as that will help you heal. Grief has a life and time frame all its own, so be patient and take care of yourself. Deborah

[Boo Mayhew]

Deborah, the five/six month time was the worst (so far) for me ... I couldn't believe that I got worse, that the pain was unbearable and I seriously doubted that I would survive it ... that I would give up, passively cause myself to die by being reckless, not looking after myself, or that I would lose my mind literally. I panicked. Really panicked. I was hysterical screaming with the loss for around 3 weeks solid. It was too much.

Then I remembered something I read somewhere and knew: breath, breath, be still and it will pass. IT HAS TO - I thought!

Now approaching the nine month mark, I am feeling anxiety over the impending one year mark. I hope to mark the day with something meaningful. Don't know what. Perhaps a walk to raise money for widows in the third world (I cannot imagine going through this, but having the added stigma of being discounted as a "nobody" as some are, with no money, no one to comfort them - rather they are outcast, thrown away almost .... or having no money or home, no job, no education, no anything now their provider and protector has gone - it humbles me.) Maybe even a parachute jump for the same reason instead. We'll see ... need to think more on it :-)

So back to the point. Please don't expect too much from yourself. If you do, you will feel as though you fail if you don't reach those ambitions that you have set too high. Be patient with yourself. Your world has been shifted on its axis. Let the tsunami of pain wash over you, drown you, until you feel that need to gulp for air, then bob around on the surface for a bit ... eventually sailing for calmer seas after a while.

We are here for you and care. Keep posting through this time because it does help, sending you HUGS

[Maryo]

Hi Deborah,

Maybe this will help a little. I started to smile, and laugh a little more in my nineth month.

Crying everyday but not as hard or as long.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[marsha]

Deb - the strength is within us, even though the outside shell is a little cracked. Grieving is painful, and that's putting it mildly. I'm at only 14 months. If there's one thing I can say from my own personal journey, and please take this from my heart to yours, is not to put a timeline on anything. If you don't feel strong, don't be. Don't force it. I've done most of my grieving within the 4 walls of my house, and in my therapist's office. I cry, scream, journal, dance, and yell at Joe, and at G-d. I allow myself to just be, in whatever form it takes. No behavior is abnormal. Well, I haven't done a voodoo doll yet, but who knows? Love and hugs, Marsha

[kayc]

Deb,

Six months is one of the hardest times because you're no longer in shock and reality sets in...others have gone back to their lives and you're left wondering what is left of yours and why you have to do it. Just trust me that you get past this stage just as you've moved past the one month stage...and eventually you'll feel more able to cope, but it does take time. Just be ever so understanding and patient with yourself, this is quite a trauma to go through.

[Korina]

Deb:

I am not at 6 months yet, so all I will say is take care.

Hugs,

Korina