How Do I Deal With The Holidays

[cubby]

Hi everyone. My mom passed away 1 week before Thanksgiving last year. My family was numb through the holidays. Now I am concerned about celebrating at Thanksgiving and Christmas. It depresses me to even think about it. My mom always prepared Thanksgiving Dinner until she became too ill to carry on tradition. Then I started preparing Thanksgiving dinner and she was my guest. I managed to do that 1 week after her death, but now I don't think I can do it. I know that my dad and brother expect me to continue,but things have changed so much. My dad has a lady friend living with him now. It is extremely difficult for me to prepare family meals with my dad and brother and have my mom no longer here. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can change from our past traditions?

I like ( I don't dislike) my dad's new companion, but I still have difficulty having my mom replaced in my dad's life. Christmas last year was the worst ever. I dread the holidays and I'm becoming depressed just thinking about it. I'm a grown woman and I should be able to deal with this, but it is very difficult. I think about my mom everyday and cannot fill the hole in my heart. thanks for allowing me to express my feelings.

cubby

[mlg]

Could you for at least this year go to a nice restaurant? If not maybe have something where everyone brings something and not have it traditional Thanksgiving food. Maybe a pizza party where everyone makes there own individual pizza. Just try to think outside the box for the menu. Try to start a new normal.

The other thing is, especially if you have it in your home, there will always be the "elephant" in the room. Address it at the beginning and get it out of the way so you can go forward. Whether it be each of you saying something nice about your mom, lighting a candle, or I think it was MikeC last year that set a place for his wife and put her picture there (this may be awkward with the lady friend).

Most importantly don't stress yourself out. You need to heal, not make things worse.

[MartyT]

Also, make sure you read the posts in this thread: Holidays, What Do I Do? http://hovforum.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=4308&st=0

[MichA]

Wow, i've been worrying about the exact same things - except there isn't a new woman and this will be the first thanksgiving and christmas without my mom. And her birthday is in the middle. It's hard to even think about but i'm hoping we make a very special toast to her. I was thinking maybe we'd do things a little different but that it was still important to have the family together. I think even if there are additions to the 'family' our moms want us to celebrate these occasions as difficult as it might be.