Making Plans Too Soon....

[Rochel]

I lost my hubby 2 1/2 weeks ago and I have bad days and worse days...Just when you think that you are getting alittle sane - "BOOM" you cry like a baby and freak out....I have decided to move in with my mom next month and I know it is too soon to make such plans, however my home has too many memories and reminders that I can't breath sometimes...My mother is 90 and I know that I will regret not helping her...I was a caregive to My Bob for 4 months and I know that my mom will require some care so I have to pray that the Lord will give me strength for this venture...I have many friends here in Arizona and I will miss them and my home and my daughter...I hope that I am doing the right thing...Please, if any of you wonderful spouses with tremendous loss can give me any advice, I will surely appreciate it....Bless you all..Rochel

[Maryo]

Hi Rochel,

I am sorry about the loss of your husband Bob.

I tried not to make any major changes the first year because my mind and emotions changed almost every minute.But you must decide what is best for you and your family.

It has been a little over a year since my husband died.

This journey is hard and some days you will cry like a baby and freak out. But it is all part of the healing process.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[jrm]

Rochel, 2 1/2 weeks is so new. Let the tears flow. We are here for you. I found this site just a few weeks ago but already I feel comfort talking about my feelings and everyone here are so thoughtful and really have been through much of the same we have be it a few weeks or a few years. Just remember to give some thought before you make any changes, some are needed now but some may wait. It's been only 3 months since Duke died from ourmotorcycle accident. I am still trying to heal physically and yet deal with all the legal stuff, etc. I just celebrated our 41st anniversary 10/5 and his 66th birthday and the 3 month anniversary of his death in one week. Because I found this site and because I got so many helpful ideas about how to handle this, I got through and I'm okay. Keep your chin up and smile each day Cherish your memories.

[Korina]

It is different for everyone, but I found that my initial visceral reaction to our apartment and our things was the intense pain of reminder. However, as time passed, the reminders have become more comforting (though the pain and loneliness is still there). I am coming up to our 4 month anniversary of that awful day. I also found that being with family was of great comfort (though it was not in a caregiving situation). I am sure your time with your mother will be very special. I would encourage, however, to resist the urge to give away belongings that at this time cause you pain. Pack them away/store them/whatever you need to do right now, and then, when the time is right (I have to believe you will know when this is - I cannot say for sure as I am not there, yet), you can make decisions about them.

And keep coming back here to let it all out - it really helps.

Korina

[JeanneC]

Rochel:

I am sorry about the loss of your husband. 2 1/2 weeks is still way too soon. I hope that living with you mother will bring you comfort. You can comfort each other.

We are all here for you.

Love and God Bless,

Jeanne

[Rochel]

Thank you Korina, I have already discovered not to get rid of anything yet...the Good Lord showed me this very early in this loss...One day at a time...thanks for your encouragement...

[Fredzgirl]

It sounds like you aren't too sure of your decision. Maybe it's something you can just try out. Go to your Mom's and see how it feels. Maybe you'll feel better taking care of her or maybe you are the one who needs taken care of right now. My Mom passed away (93 years old) in January 2008. After Fred joined her in July 2009, I missed my Mom more than ever and wished she was here for me to visit. I don't think I could have been her caretaker though. I wanted her to be mine. Just something to consider.

Sorry for your loss. I hope you will find comfort here in this forum.

- Fredzgirl