Guest Vickie O'Neil Posted December 5, 2009 Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 Working on the 3d 1 since Pat dyed, is not getting any easier.,sorry this is negative. My mind incessantly returns to our last Christmas together. Pat's elderly Dad stayed with us several days, I cooked & had 5 gingerbread houses going on the kitchen table being decorated. Frosting all over the place & 2 men giving me advice for "improvements". My fatherinlaw hid his wallet & couldn't recall what happened to it..it was found in the trunk of his car. I was still working & we were happy. Pat was still mentally sound. Pat was listed for organ transplant a month later. Then the months of pain began. Christmas was our last Road Trip. Waiting for the phone to ring. Twice he was called for transplant, both of the Liver's were no good. If anyone out there is listening, I have to harp on this subject. Give the Gift of Life...sign up to be an Organ Donor at United Network for Organ Sharing...unos.org. Science is doing amazing things my little nephew is free of leukemia due to bone marrow transplants. Its Christmas. You are not too old, they can use skin grafts & many things besides organs. Put aside the Religious superstitions...think about it. Merry Christmas to all on this website Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted December 5, 2009 Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 Vickie - I've been on the organ donor list since I got my license when I was 17. I've no doubt my liver will be a subject of fascination! You're not being negative, you're remembering, and it causes emotional pain. I just went to the preview of the Festival of Trees, a Hotline (womens' shelter) event - all the trees were beautiful, but all the donated gifts were meals for two, vacations for two...you get the picture. It made my heart hurt. You know we're always here for each other - Hugs, Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susie Q Posted December 5, 2009 Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 Dear Vickie Thank you for thinking of others in your plea for people to consider organ donation. My husband signed his five year driving licence consent with a flourish three weeks before he was suddenly taken from me by a cerebral haemorrhage. He was always a supporter and I was able to honour his beliefs when all hope for any recovery had gone. With Christmas approaching I know that five families will be having the best holiday celebration of their lives because of his unselfish gesture. I wish them well, and in years to come that may bring me some comfort, but if I'm being honest, at the moment I miss him too much to take joy from their happiness. Where I live, our legal system does not allow for donor families and recipients to know each other but I am sure they think every day of the wonderful person who gave them this gift of life. This is the only good thing possible from this devastating loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maryo Posted December 5, 2009 Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 Hi Vickie, Thank you for reminding us about the gift of life. This will be the 2nd Christmas without my husband and I think it is harder this year. I'm not sure why, maybe because I am at the acceptance stage and my mind is accepting this but my heart is still fighting with me.For anyone who is in the early stages of grief I don't want to scare anyone. I pray that peace will come earlier for everyone. I have read that the 18th month peaks all your emotions again and then it will get easier. Everyone grieves differently. Sending lots of prayers and wishes for everyone. Mary Lou Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 I'm agreeing with that 18 month thing, Mary Lou!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vickie O'Neil Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 Dear Suzy Q, Marsh & Maryo Suzy your post made my day bearable, thank you! I'm glad to know that your husband did this & you honored his wishes! 5 Families are rejoicing because you & your husband did this! You don't even know how many people this Gift Blessed, grandparents, mom's, dad's or kids. Please try to extract some joy from that in the middle of the season. Your husband is alive, Spiritually, & in the Physical, too now. He helped save LIVES!!! Again, it doesn't make me or you feel a bit better that we are alone. Now I have to tell this story. My husband's nephew was killed in a motorcycle accident at age 19...brain dead, no helmet. The family made the decision to turn off life support after a week of no brain activity, & donate his Organ's, mind you the only Son. The Mom was allowed to write a letter to the recipient of her Son's heart...she said "You are receiving My Sunshine"..."Son-Shine". Several months later my sisterinlaw was getting her hair done & the Beauticians were asking Lois about her Heart Transplant, she said "it's Good, it is like Sun Shine". It was Lois that had received Cory's heart, & my sister in law's letter. The Lord works in mysterious Ways.Keep a good thought, none of us are getting out of the Physical world Alive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 Hi Vickie, I'm glad you wrote this evening and brought up the subject of organ donation again. As you know, Larry waited over 4 yrs. for that one phone call. He couldn't hang on any longer. If only... I wanted to say that so many people are under the assumption that if a family member ever needed an organ there would be one available. There is such a shortage. It seems some people receive them easily while others die waiting. Hope you are hanging in there. This is my fourth Christmas without the man I love. I haven't had a tree up nor decorations since his death. I'm considering for the first time to decorate something but my heart still isn't too sure. How can I do this without him? Like you, I remember life before his illness, then the years he was so sick. Now years without him. It is hard. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 Dear Ones, I agree ~ What a wonderful topic to bring up, especially at this time of year. You may want to revisit this post: Did We Make the Right Choice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 Dear Susie, Your post made me cry. My very dear friend lost her husband to a tragic skiing accident months after they were married. He was a donor and it took years before she could feel any happiness for any of the recipients. To those of us on the sidelines, to witness such generosity on both their parts was life changing. Bob and I both became donors at our next driver's license renewals. When I had to have Bob taken off life support, I asked if they could use any of his organs. Sadly, they could not. He went into septic shock the night he would have been put on the transplant list. I admire your courage in what had to have been a very difficult thing to do and agree with Vickie, that more people than you can even imagine are rejoicing at the treasure your husband's gift brought to their lives. Bless you, Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 Vickie: Thank you for your post - it has given me food for thought. Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Vickie O'Neil Posted December 6, 2009 Report Share Posted December 6, 2009 Thanks everyone for writing. If I only convinced 1 person to become an organ donor it is well worth it. Larrys Girl & I know the pain of being listed & about the shortage of available Donors. Deborah hanging on for 4 years was incredibly difficult. You are 1 tough lady to have survived it. I try to visualize the memories of when Pat was healthy, but the last year of his illness are the freshest. I still feel guilty that I did many things wrong in taking care of him, kind of a combination of a pushy cheerleader trying to keep his spirits up,a Mom, making sure he ate & took his medicine, dressing him, helping him bathe & cleaning up the repeated accidents. It was all terribly humiliating for him. I was his mainstay of support, but not a very patient one. Back to Organ Donation, imagine a family member needing transplant & being listed. The sicker they are the Higher they go on the List....BUT they can't be Too sick. Its like walking a tight rope. The Dr's try to manage the illness with medicine, knowing full well the organ is failing, when the meds are working, they get a little better, but are lower on the list. It was the hardest idea to wrap my brain around this scoring system. You want to believe when someone is better it will be OK. But they have to be on the doorstep of death...1 foot in...but not both, to have the high score on the list & next shot at an organ, if its a match. States share organs. If anyone of you decide to sign up, please let me know. It will be giving me a spiritual boost. Love, Vickie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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