LarrysGirl Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 I woke up today, wandering thru the house, looking at an empty Christmas tree. This is the first year I've tried to have one since Larry died four yrs. ago. I may have to take it down. It's not the lights and ornaments that are missing, its my heart. He took it with him. I've been trying to put some kind of life back together but without my heart it isn't working. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Deborah - A lot of things have gone by the wayside in terms of holidays for me, too. I commend you for trying, but don't force anything because you feel you should or feel that it's time. Time is irrelevant - it's what you feel is right in your heart (yes, I believe you still have one!). This journey we're on entails a lot of baby steps, both forward and backwards - and it's certainly not just in the first year. Peace, my friend - Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted December 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Hey my east coast friend, thanks for replying, it gets pretty lonely sometimes. Even though its four yrs. believe it or not the littlest reminder takes my breath away. My brain works so weird, like seeing the boxes of lights in the attic... I brought them down, opened the box and immediately my thoughts are "he was the last one to touch these, he was here the last time I had a tree...". What a journey, Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kat2005 Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Hey Deborah, I know for me lately everything I touch makes my mind wander back to when Pat was still with me. My heart aches so much for him sometimes the only way I get comfort is either looking at my wedding pictures or writing in my journal. Just the thought of going through the holidays without him makes my heart ache. I did put a tree up this year basically for my son and know that Pat would have wanted me to. I just started over with everything new. There was no way of using what I had last year...... too many memories. Especially, when I was putting up the tree last year I was thinking that it might be our last Christmas. I don't know if anyone else is having this problem but I have been so forgetful lately. I will start saying something and I will loose what I was even talking about. The other day I went into the kitchen and couldn't remember why I was there. Sometimes I think I am loosing it. My mind just wanders. I feel so lost at times I don't know if I am coming or going. This is so difficult for me. I was having some really goods days lately but I seem like I am falling backwards. I am hoping the holidays have alot to do with it. Thanks for listening. Sometimes I just need to ramble on. Take care my friends, Kat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JohnG Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 Hi All The holidays are very hard. I find myself numbly moving through it.The closer Christmas gets the more uneasy and melancholy I become. I'm trying not to but the solitude now is unbearable. I'm glad to have found others who are understanding and compassionate here. Being able to talk to you all is the first bit of joy I've had this season. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted December 13, 2009 Report Share Posted December 13, 2009 I agree with Marsha - don't force yourself to do anything if it doesn't feel right. For me, though I have been so sad, I wanted to put up decorations, both because we both loved Christmas, and because it is Kailyn's first Christmas - I can only have one first with her. As for a wandering memory, I can hear Scott laughing right now. I cannot claim this misery has been the cause as I have always had a certain degree of scatterbrainness....I don't know how many times Scott would ask me for something, and I would appear with something completely different. He would just look at me and wait till I clued in. But I come by this trait honestly - just ask my Dad about Mom! Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LindaKoz Posted December 14, 2009 Report Share Posted December 14, 2009 Oh, Korina, you just reminded me of Brian. He was the "scatterbrain." We would make plans for the upcoming weekend one day and the next day he would forget. I would just give him my "look" and shake my head. He would smile and say I should know this shouldn't I? Give me a minute. We would both laugh. It was a true joy in our relationship that we were both able to laugh at our own faults. He completed me and I completed him. I'm missing our relationsip. Peace, love, and blessings, Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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