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I Thought I Had Heard It All


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I was just talking to a close friend who was excellent in the beginning. I was telling her how my Mother is not well and how it is stressful and emotional for me because I am still emotionally fragile. She said to me..people always ask me how you are doing and I tell them "that if someone had told me before that Sharon would be so emotional and weak I would have said they were nuts". I was taken totally off guard because people don't understand that you can be a strong confident woman when you have your husband to go home to and know that you are loved. I told her that I am still a strong woman but it will take time to get over the shock of my life and learn to live without the love of my life. But now I don't know if I believe her or I believe me....I just wish people would ask how they can help me rather than judge me.

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Sharon,

People do not understand what this is all about. You have to go through it to truly understand. I don't care how strong of a person you are, when your whole world, as you know it, is changed forever it is going to take time to adjust. It is unfortunate that there are people that speak without thinking. Everything you are going through is normal. I know because I am right there with you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,

Kat

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Sharon - sorry, my knee jerk reaction is, WTF?? I had a very close friend email me a cheery note, like 2 weeks after Joe died. I sent her one back saying, I'm sorry if you can't accept or deal with this, but Joe's dead. And I'm not going to be ok for a long time. Didn't hear from her for 3 months, then she called me and said, "I'm sorry - there's nothing I can say that will make this any better." I said - that's all I wanted to hear. Sometimes bluntness is the key to our sanity. Hugs, Marsha

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Sharon,

I remember getting all hurt and upset because some of Bob's closest old friends asked my sister how I was doing...not me, but someone who I talked to maybe once a month at the most. I thought they had all fallen off the face of the earth. I couldn't believe no one would call. It was like no one cared. Believe in yourself, Hon. You need time to go through all the emotions that come your way. Friends don't always get it. (Of course, my sister told them I was doing well, because who wouldn't??????) Sometimes sisters don't get it either.

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When people look at how I'm doing, they do it from their perspective, from within their world that really hasn't changed much at all. While they may care, most people can park their concern for me any time they like and just get on with their own life.

For us, we have to find our place in a world that is now profoundly different. And not for the better! It's pretty easy to understand why we are not acting the same or seem as resilient as we were before.

I always thought that there was me, and there was him, and together, as a couple, we were one great team. We had individual interests and friends and also many shared interests and shared friends. A great life. What I'm finding now, is that the 'ME' side of things seems to have gone into hiding but I believe it's still there.

Yes, I'm struggling to create (and cope with) a life without him, just as you are. But I am making some progress. That's a pretty good indicator of our inner strength in the face of this great loss we are dealing with. Trust yourself....Susie Q

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Gotta say I'm with Marsha on this one. Of course, people often don't know what to say, and may be unintentionally insensitive - I don't sweat that stuff. But that comment was just plain rude and mean. Sorry if I am being harsh....maybe she thought she could snap you out of the doldrums? I don't know. Anyhow, try not to waste any worry on this comment.

Hugs,

Korina

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Sharon, I'm sorry for peoples insensitivity. I deal with this all of the time as I'm sure we all do. Being told to focus on the task at hand, hold your head up, concentrate on the positive, look at the good things in your future. As Marsha said "WTF?!" This isn't something that just goes away when the person that you thought you'd be with forever is suddenly not there. I'm sure I'm ranting but I ask all of the time why don't people get it? If you don't know what to say then be quiet and give a comforting touch, that's what we all need and aren't getting nearly enough of. Too many words and not enough genuine physical comforting.

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