Sam Posted March 3, 2005 Report Share Posted March 3, 2005 My Dad died on January 17th. I'll be grateful, for the rest of my life, that his death was so peaceful and painless. That I was with him, holding his hand when he died. It was his decision to enter the hospice and forgo any further treatment which may have extended his life but could not cure him. I'm very grateful for the time I had with him and more grateful than I could ever express for the care he received at the Hospice of the Valley in Scottsdale. All that said, I miss him. I cry more frequently now than I did the weeks following his death. I'm more unsure that I said the right things and that I said enough to him about his decision to forego treatment while he was in the hospital. I don't know that he knew how much I'd miss him. I told him I would but I feel his loss far greater than I said I would. I told him, "Daddy, I'm going to miss you so much" and he said, "Thank you, sweetheart". But I should habe repeated to him a million times, "I love you Daddy, I'm going to miss you, I'm going to miss you, I'm going to miss you". God, I want to feel his presence! I want him to know what I'm feeling. Every day seems to get harder for me -- sadder, more tearfilled. His nickname for me was "Sam" -- he's called me Sam since the day I was born; no one else calls me Sam and no one else ever will and that hurts so much I feel crushed by it. When I think of the future, I have to remind myself that he won't be there. I'll never hear his voice again. I wish everyone reading this could have known my Dad -- I wish I could have met each and everyone of your parents who I know you're mourning (or you wouldn't be on this board). Thank you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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