Why Am I So Angry?

[time_after_time]

Why am I so angry?! It's been a little over a week since my mother has passed, and rather than being overwhelmed with sadness I'm festering with anger. I'm tired of hearing excuses of why people weren't able to make it to her funeral, "the weather was bad" or "flights were too expensive"...ok then, please recognize her through a simple card or an online memorial, and let us know you're thinking of her. Three of her siblings did not attend her funeral, one thought the flights were too expensive, another did not know of Mom's passing (cough-cough), even though she only lived 1/2 hr away from Mom, and we have to hear why the last one, whose retired and financially stable, did not bother to show. It's not like her passing was unexpected, she was in hospice care since last June. My mother-in-law did not say one word to me in regards to Mom's passing, why?! Nor did my aunts from my father's side acknowledge her passing either. Where were the people Mom helped while she was still alive? Some claimed to have been her best friends, why were they not at her funeral? The retirement home she first resided at prior to her final move to a nursing home, not one person from the home recognized her passing, why?! While living in this home, Mom was beyond helpful to them, she would clean, set tables, and do dishes because it made her feel good. She enjoyed helping with fundraisers for the home, one time she sold over 265 tickets and she did it all by walking door to door. She chuckled about getting a new pair of shoes because she wore out the other pair by walking so much. The home gave her a thank you card stating she will be remembered for a long, long time. Unfortunately for Mom it wasn't long enough. This is small community where everyone knows everyone, so no excuses on their part. I am so angry with the disrespect everyone has shown her in death, I could scream. She never had much of a life; she had an abusive mother and later an abusive husband. She had more health problems than any one person deserved in their life time and for that I'm somewhat angry with God, why did he give her so much in 69 years? I want her to know her life wasn't a waste, she was loved and she meant so much to others. She deserved so much more in life and in death.

[Kavish]

I am glad your mom had someone who remembers her and she is here and everywhere with you. I am glad your heart is full with love for her , and I won't waste my time thinking of what others are doing, but keep yourself comfortable that you loved your mom. She will always be here with you.

Thank you,

Kavish

[DoingMyBest]

I hear that - it's been 2 months since my mom's death, and I am still angry at the same people for the same kind of attitude. Only now many of them have moved on to wondering why I'm still "in a funk" and why I'm not over "it" yet. I don't really have any advice, since I am struggling with the same situation and there doesn't seem to be a magic bullet that could head it off at week 2. All I can say is - you will really learn a lot about people, individually and collectively, in this experience. Some will absolutely amaze you at the way they come through, when you would never have guessed. Others will absolutely amaze you at the lack of care and awareness they can demonstrate. I am choosing to focus on the ones who are more in it with me. It doesn't make the other disrespecters go away, but at least when you get all worked up about their latest injustice it gives you something to cling to so that you aren't totally washed away with negative emotions. At least, that's what I tell myself when I'm trying to calm myself down thinking about all the nice things she did for people who didn't deserve it :-). Good luck to you, and I'm sorry to hear about your mom's death.

[Babs11]

Hi,

I read your entry and really wanted to respond..You have every right to feel angry and hurt..This is Your Mom..

I am sorry that Your Mom did not get the respect she deserved when she passed by some..I do believe when she passed she was met with Loving Arms and Now Feels More Love and Warmth than Ever..and She Smiles Upon You so Lovingly for standing up for Her...Protecting Her..Because of Unconditional Love when others pass Your Mom will be there to meet them and for a second they will have to feel the shame of their behavior..Her Life wasn't a waste and She does know that and I hope you also do..She may have deserved more in Life but in Death She has and is being Rewarded for every

Loving thing she has done and wanted to do..I truly believe this..Love and Peace to You and Your Mom..Babs

[time_after_time]

Thank you Kavish, DoingMyBest and Babs, for your comforting words of advice. Some days I feel like I’m on an emotional roller coaster ride and it won’t stop, one day I’m angry and the next day I cry at the drop of a hat. Anyways, I want to apologize for my original post, I may have said way too much out of frustration. At the time it felt good to get things off my chest, it was as if though I were talking to all the “disrepecters” (as DoingMyBest so nicely refers to them as) rather than angrily rambling on to strangers. However, I do appreciate everyones input on this matter. If it were not for each of you reaching out through your posts, its hard telling what state of mind I would be in right now. Kavish, your statements “I am glad your heart is full with love for her,” and “She will always be here with you.” are so comforting, thank you. DoingMyBest, you are so right by saying “you will really learn a lot about people, individually and collectively, in this experience.” and “I am choosing to focus on the ones who are more in it with me…it gives you something to cling to so that you aren't totally washed away with negative emotions.” Loss of a loved one is enough, I am not going to allow the “disrepecters” take any more happiness from me. My mother was a fun, loving person and she would not want her children to be dwelling on the “negatives” of life. Thank you DoingMyBest for that reminder. Babs, your reassuring words of “I do believe when she passed she was met with Loving Arms and Now Feels More Love and Warmth than Ever..” and “She may have deserved more in Life but in Death She has and is being Rewarded for every Loving thing she has done and wanted to do” brought so much comfort to me. I have a "positive" way of looking at all the hardships my Mom had faced in her lifetime. Thank you!

[bell]

I know how you feel...My dad just passed away.He was a giving man who struggled alot in his life.I thank god that he went suddenly,without a long illness.I'm sorry for the loss of your mom.My dad was my closest parent to me.He took me after my parents divorce.Anyways,I have so much anger some days that I don't know what to do with it.It started with the hospital staff.He passed of a heart attack while doing a side job.I guess he was dead on arrival.The staff was so rude that if I wasn't in such a state of shock I would have punched the chaplin!Next came the funeral home,they were so pushy and rude,I wish I had been in the right state of mind.Nobody should be pushed out of a funeral home 10 min. after the service.I should have stood up to them.Not to mention all my dad's friends and family that didn't bother to show.(yes,the weather was bad,but come on!)He too,deserved so much more then that.Doingmybest is so right about finding the truth in people.Sad to say but my friends and even my mom are not there for me in the slightest.I have one good friend who listens.I'm clinging to my brother for dear life,and I have a Fiance' that is patient with me and is understanding.Other then that I'm thinking everyone else who I thought cared,are not who I thought they were.And to be honest,I don't want those people close anymore.I hope that's normal and I'm not going off the deep end with hatred,I just don't want the fakeness in my life.I could go on and on with the people I'm mad at and why.But tomorrow I will wake up not angry and just cry all day.Hang in there honey!!!At least they have us to keep them alive in our hearts.