I Lost Both Of My Babies In One Day, My Karma And My Titterpuss

[jbayse]

I'm having a really hard time dealing with the loss of my dear cat Ms. Titterpuss and my loyal dog Karma (aka momma's baby girl). It's been about a week since I have lost them but the memory of what I saw will last, and my heart will be forever broken.

I had my dog Karma for 2 years and fought so hard to keep her, due to the misconceptions on how her breed( pittbulls) have been viewed. I also have a male american pittbull terrier and they are the most loving dogs one could ask for. Unfortunately, the wrong people have gotten a hold of these precious animals and turned them into a breed of terror. My dogs will lick you to death before they would even bark at you.

My cat Ms. Titterpuss came into our lives back in July 2009 as my birthday present, she was 6 weeks old. My dogs loved her and would sleep with her, and she loved them.

Last wednesday I came home from work and walked through my front door and seen all 3 ( we have 1 puppy left out of karma's litter of 10) of my dogs running down my hallway heading towards my den. Of course they had gotten out of their kennels and trashed my home ( as some dogs do) when I started walking in the direction they were running in I looked down my hallway and there laid my cat, she had been killed, and carried to my bedroom and laid next to my bed. My cat died a horrible death and hurt me to the deepest part of my heart.

I checked all 3 of my dogs and my male and puppy had no blood, no scratches, no blood in their gums, but my female Karma did. She had scratches all over her face, and blood on her coat. I knew then that my baby girl killed my titterpuss. By the way things were in my house this was no accident and was not the product of rough playing. I had to make the hardest decision of my life, I had to protect other animals and people from anything like this ever happening again. I had Karma put down.

I feel so awful, I cant get over this, I keep thinking I made the worse decision that I could've ever make. I miss both of them so much, how can this happen? Where did I go wrong? How can my baby girl that I love with all of my heart kill my cat that I love so much? I can't deal with this. I feel like I can't breath, what could I have done differently to make this outcome better? I can't eat, I can't sleep. I really need someone to talk to. My husband doesn't like talking about it, but even he is having nightmares of what happened. But he doesn't want to talk about it, he wants me to grieve quietly and forget it ever happened. How can I forget when my heart is tore into a million pieces? I need help. If anyone can help me make sense of this all, or even just talk to me. I'm breaking down more and more everyday

[DoingMyBest]

What a tragedy, I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how traumatic it is to know how horrible your cat's death was, and to know it was another precious loved pet that was responsible. I am sorry you had to put Karma down, but it sounds like you felt it was not an option. I will hope you find the peace to forgive yourself for what you needed to do.

[Karen8]

I am so sorry to hear of this. You must be so upset. I had to put my cat to sleep last May (he was very ill). This is no comparison to why you had to make that hard decision, but in a way it is. I still question myself on whether I did the right thing. I know I did, but that doesn't make it any easier. Everyone has their own way of greiveing and your husband is choosing to do it quietly, which is fine. There are many people who have gone through the loss of a pet and going through what you are right now. I turned to some animal communicators which helped me get through the bad times. I actually had her "check in" on my cat and he is doing GREAT on the other side! He was playing with other animals and eating something like clam chowder! This was really good news because he didn't cross over at first - he didn't want to leave me. I can suggest someone if you want to try it, no pressure, just think about it. Most importantly, take care of yourself. Your other fur babies need you! Karen

[jbayse]

I feel my cat has crossed over, but my dog I can still feel her walking beside me. I wish I could turn back time and protected Titterpuss, she didn't deserve to die the way she did. I'm left here with all this guilt, 1 was that I didn't protect my cat, and the 2nd is that I wasn't here to stop my baby girl from doing this. I feel that this is all my fault... my dogs that are still here are just beginning to eat again, but I find myself distancing myself from them, even though I know they had nothing to do with what happened. My house doesn't feel like my home anymore ( if that makes any sense). It's so cold and empty in here now, and I have this reoccurring thought that if I went and dug my dog up that she would come back to me ( crazy I know). I probably sound nuts. When they put my dog down I couldn't bare to go, I gave her hugs, kisses, and told her I loved her before my husband loaded her up on his truck to take her. At 7:07pm in my right ear i heard a dim ringing and had a wave of pure sadness and I knew that my dog had just passed away. I had my mother in law call my husband and find out if Karma was gone and he said that she passed at 7:07pm.

I have had family members and friends that have past away and I have never felt this kind of pain in my life before. To know that my bond with my dog was so great that I knew the minute she passed just hurts me that much more. My pets are my babies, though not human I feel such a powerful connection to them like a mother does with her own children (i'm a mother of 2 beautiful son's 2). I guess I just don't know where to go from here, or how to let go.

[MartyT]

My dear friend,

I am so sorry to learn of the events that resulted in the tragic deaths of your beloved kitty Ms. Titterpuss and your loyal dog Karma, and I cannot even imagine what it has been like for you to have come upon that bloody scene and to be re-living all of it now. In addition to the pain of grief and loss, given the awful circumstances you describe, I think you may be suffering from post-traumatic stress (PTS). As a bereavement counselor, I can tell you that, before you can begin to do any effective grief work, it is very important that these issues be addressed first.

You might consider calling your local hospital or hospice, or asking your primary care physician for a referral to someone who specializes in post-traumatic stress, where treatment includes simple tools (relaxation, breath work, meditation and guided imagery) to help you master and calm the troublesome symptoms you are experiencing now. At the very least, I strongly encourage you to do some reading about PTSD so you will be better informed about it. There are some wonderful and informative resources on the Internet (listed on the Traumatic Loss page of my Grief Healing Web site, at http://www.griefheal...umatic-loss.htm) – but I also want to recommend an outstanding book entitled Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal, by Belleruth Naparstek, a psychotherapist and noted expert in PTSD. If you click on the title, you'll go to Amazon's description and reviews of the book, and you probably can find a copy of the book at your local library. I cannot recommend this book highly enough, because it explains PTSD so thoroughly and it also contains some very simple, practical tools that you can begin using right now. Among other things, the author points out that,

All of these people . . . were helped, in differing ways, by strategic doses of applied imagination. In each instance, what got them through was imagery, sometimes guided by a therapist, sometimes by an audio program, and at other times spontaneously generated from within . . . These imagery-based solutions use the right hemisphere of the brain – perception, sensation, emotion, and movement – rather than the left side's standard cognitive functions of thinking, analyzing, verbalizing, and synthesizing. And that's why they work. Trauma produces changes in the brain that impede a person's ability to think and talk about the event but that actually accentuate their capacity for imaging and emotional-sensory experiencing around it. Imagery uses what's most accessible in the traumatized brain to help with the healing . . . But too few survivors know this and, sadly, too few professionals as well. So people are not only baffled and alarmed by their symptoms; they are more often than not seeking – and getting – the wrong kind of help from people accustomed to using discussion, thinking, and language – help that often misfires. It's not that talk therapy is bad. The emotional support of a sympathetic listener is as critically important as it ever was. It's just that it's not enough by itself . . . [pp. 12-13]

You can learn more about this author and her work at her Health Journeys Web site, http://www.healthjourneys.com/, but I think you may find these articles of hers particularly helpful right now:

Healing Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, http://www.healthjourneys.com/ptsd.asp

How to Overcome Sleeplessness, http://www.healthjou...om/insomnia.asp

You ask what you could have done differently in this situation so as to produce a different outcome, and I think that is a legitimate question. When a tragedy like this happens, it's always good to ask ourselves what we would have, could have, should have done differently so we can minimize the chances of it ever happening again ~ but still, it does not change what happened to Ms. Titterpuss and Karma. (Incidentally, I love their names!) It will take some time and some work on your part to come to a complete understanding of what happened here, to sort through all your feelings about it (including the guilt you feel for whatever part you think you may have played in this tragedy), and to get to the point where you are able to forgive – both Karma for being a dog (with a canine's predatory instincts) and yourself for being human (unable to predictor prevent this tragedy). None of us is perfect (including our beloved animal companions); we all make mistakes. I'm sure that never in your wildest dreams would you have believed that something like this would happen ~ otherwise you would have taken steps to prevent it. But the harsh reality is that, even if you had done everything in your power to keep these two animals separated, the same thing still could have happened some other time.

In addition to the book and articles I mentioned above, I want to refer you to some other readings that I hope will offer you some insight and perspective:

Loss and the Burden of Guilt, http://www.griefheal...en-of-guilt.htm

I Accidentally Killed My Cat, http://hovforum.ipbh...p?showtopic=185

Grief after Euthanizing an Aggressive Dog, http://bit.ly/ayw8PV

Understanding Different Mourning Patterns in Your Family, http://www.griefheal...ef-patterns.htm

[jbayse]

Thank you for all of your words and wisdom and I will read those books. I appreciate all your kind words. I think that I really needed to hear someone's input and make me look at things through different eyes

[KitKatKate]

Your story touched me deeply. It's taken me some time to be able to write about this, as I lost my baby FlickerFlick a week ago this Monday. Early that Monday morning I woke to the sound of dogs growling and snapping and when I looked out my bedroom window, I saw two dogs killing a cat. It was too dark to tell which cat and as I raced thru the house I did a head count and knew by the time I'd gotten out the door FlickerFlick was not in his ususal place in the living room. By the time I got around the corner of the house, the two dogs were gone with the body of the cat. It was pitch black and I couldn't find them anywhere on the short street I live on. I had no real choice but to return to bed and wait for morning. Unfortunately I have to be at work by seven so it's still dark when I leave. I called for Flicker, but he didn't show up for breakfast. When I got home from work that day, I examined the area where the incident happened and found a few tuffs of fur that matched Flick's pattern. I had raised Flicker from the age of two weeks, the neighborhood kids had brought him to me to see if I could save him. Five years and eighteen pounds later, FlickerFlick was a wonderful cat. The combination of having hand raised him and then actually witnessing his awful death has left me reeling. I've been involved with cat rescue virtually all my life and even when I lost my beauriful siamese Ciridan Kitty after 24...yes, 24 years...I wasn't as devistated as I have been with this. Going to work this past week was sheer hell, especially since the regular receptionist was out sick and I spent most of the week sitting at the Front Desk trying to be "perky" as I'm the relief receptionist. This weekend was the first weekend home without Flick, and I was dreading it. Fortunately my friends have made an extra effort to insure I'm not alone and the weekend turned out to be fine. Also, I found out from one of the neighborhood kids that he'd seen Flick's body that Monday in a neighbor's yard when he was walking to school. I've stopped by that neighbor's house several times to inquire, but so far no one has answered the door. This week is a little better, I'm not so "weepy" any more. But I'm tired, feel like I'm moving thru molassas and every little thing seems to be such an effort. I did set up a memorial for Flick out in my graveyard garden, where a painting I've done has joined the collection of kitty graves already there. It just is so very hard to get thru the days, and nights are no easier. And it's most comforting to know I'm not alone in my grief, so I wanted you to know you're not alone either. I hope it helps.