Daddy Gone Too Quickly

[DD1170]

It has been six weeks, 1/8/2010, since my father passed. Everything was so sudden and we never had a chance to say good-bye. Dad had not been feeling well since November and the doctor was doing blood work every two weeks and trying to adjust his meds. He had blood drawn on 12/22/09 and when he went to the doctor on 1/5/10, they found signs of Lupus and the doctor drew more blood. My folks immediately setup appointments with various doctors to narrow down which type of Lupus he might have. On 1/6/10, my dad collapsed and never regained consciousness. He was flown to a neurosurgeon because he had a blood clot on his brain. The day after his operation we were told dad would never wake up again and if he did, he would not have any quality of life. The doctor at the hospital ran test and informed us that dad had leukemia. With all the blood work dad’s doctor did how did she not know about his leukemia? The leukemia was his official cause of death.

I am grateful that dad did not suffer but I wish I could have said good-bye. I cannot remember the last conversation I had with him or the last day I saw him. I remember wanting to call him on New Year’s Day but with everything going on I forgot and never did. I feel incredible guilty for forgetting to call him and now I cannot remember if I stopped by the house after that.

Not a day has gone by that I have not cried for the loss of my dad. I think how my son will not remember him and how much my dad loved him. I think about how hard this is for my mom they would have been married 45 years in May. I think about how I never had the chance to say good-bye.

[jbayse]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss of your dad. I can't even fathom the pain that you are going through. I'm a daddy's girl myself. I only felt a need to tell you, that your daddy knows how much you love him. Even though the doctors said that he wouldn't wake again... he could hear your cries, he knows how much pain your going through.

It's up to you now to share the same type of comfort your daddy gave you while growing up and pass that on to your son. By your words and keeping the good memories alive your son will never forget how much his grandpa loves him. I know it's hard, but you must think about the wonderful memories, and keep all those comforting memories alive in your heart and in your mind. Please don't feel guilty, no one ever knows what tomorrow is going to bring. No matter how many things you could've, would've, and should've done, if you had done them all you would still be feeling the way you do now.

I know your heart is broken, and you have the feeling of complete emptiness and sorrow. Just know that your dad is still with you. He still lives in you, in your heart and in your memories. You are part of your dad, and your dad lives through your son, and when your son has children he will live through your grandchildren. You see he is still here with you, because he made you, you have him in your blood and so does your son. So you see he might not be here in the form of a man but he is still living because he is in you.

I know I might sound strange but I just felt the need to tell you that. I hope you can find some comfort in what I have said to you. I also feel the need to tell you that don't look at this as a goodbye forever, but as a I will see you later in a better place. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Take care of your mom, she needs you now more then ever..

[loulou]

I lost my father on jan.1,2010.One week earlier then your dad.I am also a daddy's girl.I was very close to him,my whole life.He died on a side job out in the snow.He was 49 and he had a heart attack.I spoke to my dad three times the day he died,and even though I spoke to him,it wasn't at all close to the many things I should have said.I miss talking every day to him.I miss everything about him.I think of how my 2 boys wont know him.Not only that but my dad had 2 very young kids of his own.The loss of him is ingrained in everything for me.Every moment of my life.He was that huge of a man.[personality wise]He had the body of a 19 year old...no fat on him.He died of a heart attack in better shape then me.A heart attack?I can't handle the pain,and I have never felt so alone,as it seems everyone else has excepted that these things happen and move on.I'm stuck,and the reality is sinking in.No dad,ever,ever again.A huge part of me that no one else knew is gone forever...he took it with him.Hold on honey,you are not alone.Our stories are alot alike,and just knowing that there are people who know how you feel has helped.

[DD1170]

Thank you for your kind words. I know my dad will live on in memories and I will share all of these with my son. Unfortunately, he does not live in my sons blood or in my blood since I am adopted and so is my son. But he will live in our hearts forever. His love, kindness, and generosity will never be forgotten. I do know that one day we will see each other again and until that time he will watch over us and protect us. Thank you for your prayers.

[sari]

When i was 7 years old my real father passed. He was already in the hospital, and when my mom and I got the call in the middle of the night. We drove to the hospital, where we were told he was dead. Being 7, I did not know whta was going on. I did not understand that my Daddy was gone forever until they closed the casket. I remember almost nothing about him. What i do remember is spotty. On the night he died when we had visited him a few hours before, i had sang to him. It was the last time i saw my father smile. a year later my mom began dating a man who would become my stepfather. They were married in June, the week between their birthdays. Only after they had been married did we find out who Gary, my stepdad, really was. Besides being passiveaggressive, he tried to get me in trouble with everyone for everything, and would yell at me for something he did. 6 years later, he died while I was running on a dam in northeastern ohio. The drs said it was a heart attack. Because of the way he treated me, the only brief time I cried during the funeral was for the loss of life, not for any love. I knew him more than my real dad, who I barely remember, yet I love my father more than I could ever love Gary. I feel a little guilty that I dont feel any sorrow. What I truly regret is never taking the time to know my real dad. Recently after the passing of my steodad and other various relatives, I began writing poetry. One title is Angels.

angels are beings who give us love, comfort,hope, support, and in some cases a shoulder to cry on. Angels are all around us, acting and speaking with angelness. angels can even be those who have gone before. I know a few angels. 3 are in heaven sleeping peacefully on clouds or dropping snow down. One is reading this poem right now. Do you know any angels?

-sari