Dad's Gone-Really All Alone

[bflyrn]

My dad passed on January 27, 2010. He had several strokes before this one took him. I miss my dad very much. I was one of the only people I knew growing up that had my dad there for me. I was always told by my friends that I was lucky. That makes this emptiness feel as large as a black hole. Not that I don't appreciate what I had, I know how wonderful my father was. He was my hero, my mentor and my moral compass. I have an added problem that before his last two strokes, I had just moved with my husband to a city 2 hours from everyone I know. My family says I'm lucky that I'm far enough away that I don't have to be reminded so frequently. I just makes me feel more alone. It's like that hole in my heart is bigger because I'm not near friends and family. My husband, bless him, has been there for me as much as he can but he's in law school (why we moved). He's guilt ridden because he has to spend so much time studying and he wants to be with me. My family thinks I'm the strong one. I started back to work last week. I took all my effort to go. It doesn't help I'm a nurse. I was on a floor that had a patient that reminded me of my dad. Sometimes I think I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I won't quit but it takes everything I have to work right now. I thought about staying off work for longer, but all I will do is sit at home, think of my dad and cry. I know it helps but my head hurt from crying so much. Will I ever be able to listen to a radio or watch tv and not cry because something reminds me of my dad? Will I be able to talk about my dad without feeling this empty pain at some time? I know the answers to these questions, I just know it doesn't feel like it right now.

[Kavish]

HI Bflyr,

My best friend passed away last year. But she loved me so much and always was there for me , that i feel I am who I am because of her. I believe I am going to find her again, and she is here and everywhere. I read the book " Life after Death", and i found that in our heart we have the way to reach our loved ones as souls they always are.

You too will find in side your heart the way to move forward to wards your loved ones in soul.

Thanks,

Kavish

[loulou]

everything you are saying about your father,I also feel.I have 2 posting names and I can't remeber the password to the one I use.You posted on my sight,that name is under Bell.I can't believe how similar we seem in our situations.My dad died suddenly at the beginning of jan. this year.Everytime I'm in the car I hear a song that makes me think of him...everytime I watch t.v.I know exactly how you feel.My dad was the coolest dad that everyone loved.His death left such a hole in me,but everyone else is ok.I get angry at everyone for not being more upset.I know that's crazy.I think it's starting to sink in.I miss him.Thank you for posting.It helps to know there is people who know how you feel.I'm a adult, but right now I feel six,and I just want my daddy.My protector,my friend,my father.I know how much you are hurting.

[SandraH]

You are NOT alone! I felt the same way (Mom passed away January 23, 2010) and I went nuts and still do sometimes. I just started to seek help and I hope she can help me! You're Dad is with you all the time but you just cant see him, touch him, kiss him, hug him or poke him. He is there for you to talk to and even cry to! He will listen and might even help you through your terrible journey we are going through! You have all of us who know how you are feeling. My family belives that I am the strong one in my family as well and my mom always told my sister that she was worried about dying because my sister would die right after her of heartbreak. Mom use to say Jenn (sister) you are the weakest link in our family and Sandra (me) you are the rock! She was so wrong. My sister is normally the weak one when it comes to deaths and I step right up but when it came to my Moms death I am the weakest link and I go to my sister for support some days because she is taking this way better than I am. I feel for you and I am sorry for your loss, but know that you are not alone or else this forum would be empty! Brighter days are ahead and the first year is the hardest but your days will get easier. You will soon listen to a song and a smile will come to your face and the same goes with TV. Chin up!

Sandra