Easy To Help Others, But Hard To Help Self?

[Ron B.]

I get stuck trying to do essential business. I'll postpone things like job applications, medical appointments, or whatever. I'll ignore these things until I get a feeling of dread. Only then do I take any action. Yet when family or friends need help, I step forward and get stuff done, no problem! It's like I can find all kinds of motivation for others, but next to zero motivation for myself. What's up with that? Has anybody else here experienced this?

[Kat2005]

I don't really know why that is but I do the same thing. I had spent the last couple of years taking care of my husband. Everything I did was around his needs. I didn't consider my needs that important. I guess when someone asks for my help I feel needed again and it keeps my mind occupied. I feel like I have a purpose again. When I am alone I go into that other part of my world that lacks motivation and I will only do what has to be done.

Kat

[LindaG]

I think for me - I have no idea what to do next. If I don't do anything, I feel I'm not making a mis-step. I've had our tax information in a pile on my desk for two months. Joe died in the 4th quarter of 2009. I will need help. I will have to explain that Joe died to yet another stranger. Total avoidance. I think part of it is acknowledging that the person who is no longer here is not coming back and we have to "start over". This is so daunting. A new routine - a new life - seems horrible at this stage.

I completely understand the inability to pull it together but finding comfort in helping others. I don't know the answer to this beyond it hurts to move on.

- Linda G

[annette85035]

I kept being told by the hospice counselor whom had been coming to the house that everyone deals with grief in their own manner and in their own time.

I think what you're feeling is the lack of reason of why should I go on.

Your loved one would want you to-first big reason why!

Life is too precious and too short not to fight to keep on living as long as we can!

So just be patient with yourself but you may need to prod yourself a bit to get yourself involved and keep going minute by minute-day by day.

[loulou]

Ron...First off i wanna say,that you have a beautiful way of helping others.To your post,I have also been putting things off,and feeling so unmotivated.I just really don't care about anything right now.I have been really short tempered to everyone.I'm annoyed by my family and friends.Pushing people away and building walls around myself.I dont know why...I have not been doing paperwork,keeping up on my kids homework,cleaning.You name it,I have been putting it off.But I dont care: