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The Last Words I Said Was I Hate You .


sodcdancer

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my bestfriend Jamel had died on October 13th 2008. i considered that boy like my lil brother . i loved him like family . we would always joke around and he would always be with me. but one day in school we were joking around and he said something that made me mad at him. i said to him i hate you and not to talk to me. i walked away from him. but later that night i got a phone call. saying "Jamel ust drowned". i'll never forget those words. i thought everyone was pulling a prank on me, but next thing on the news was Jamel. the next day in school, all his close friends were in the library crying. my other friend Dustin blams himself. but the part i regrt was saying i hate you . i cant get over it and i want to take it back . i cant tho cause hes gone :( . i need help please someone giv me some kind of advice t help me out. i would really appreciate it. thank you .

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Dear Sodcdancer,

Jamel will not hold those words against you. He knew you did not mean that and he will always look over you from above. You can go on and do things that would make Jamel proud of who you are. A good person at heart. Do it for yourself and I am sure Jamel will be happy you are strong and he will say that's my elder sister who loves me with all her heart."

Take care,

Kavish

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Hi there!

I just read your post and thought that I would reply. I am sorry for your loss as losing a best friend who feels like family is just as hard as losing a family member. You cant hold on to the last words you said to your friend before he died. Just think about all the times that you and him had. People get mad at each other and say things they don't actually mean all the time. From your post it seems like you are a very loving person and I am sure he knew you were just mad and that you did not actually hate him.

All you can do from here is learn from this. Always tell the people you love that you love them. When you are mad at someone just take a deep breath and think before you say anything like that so maybe you can avoid it.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss and if you ever need to talk just email me and I will listen if you need to be mad or sad or just talk.

-Sharla

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  • 3 weeks later...

sodcdancer,

Now read this carefully and think about it:

The death of a friend is always a terrible experience, very difficult to deal with, no matter HOW OLD YOU ARE. In your case, you are a very young person. Not only do you have to deal with the loss of someone you loved or cared for at such a young age, but you are also struggling with what that person may have been thinking about you prior to his tragic death. WE ALL say things in close relationships that the other person KNOWS VERY WELL AREN'T TRUE. When you said, "I hate you, don't ever talk to me again", Jamel KNEW VERY WELL THAT YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT. Maybe he was pissed off for a second, maybe he reacted with anger and gave you the finger, THIS DOES NOT MEAN A THING. Do you think it's that easy or simple to LOSE a real friendship, where both people understand one another and care about one another? If that were the case NO ONE would have ANY FRIENDS or loved ones. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR JAMEL'S DEATH and HE DID NOT LEAVE THE WORLD THINKING THAT YOU HATE HIM.

NO ONE knows what happens after physical death: we can pray, we can believe religious teaching and philosophy, we can go to psychics, yada yada: end result, NO ONE KNOWS. But this I DO know: you need in-person comfort and counsel RIGHT NOW to help you deal with this situation, which is perhaps the most serious loss you've ever experienced in your young life. FIND IT. How? Is there a teacher you respect and admire, someone who will listen to you; is there a guidance counselor in your school who isn't an idiot, who really cares; is there an adult in your life (parent, aunt, cousin, neighbor, friend's mom) who can sit down and listen to what you have to say and do what I would do: put my arms around you, tell you that your love for Jamel is important and that he never doubted it, no matter what your words were; and tell you that what you feel NOW, no matter how old you live, no matter what happens, the love and caring you feel NOW for Jamel and anyone else, MEANS SOMETHING to ALL of us, because all consciousness is connected and love travels FAR, my dear, very FAR and forever. DO NOT blame yourself for loving someone and being angry at them; find someone who can listen to you, who is willing to help you, who has the life experience and wisdom to help you deal with this horrible loss in your young life over the next few months. AND DON'T STOP caring for yourself, and for others. You are truly a unique and beautiful person, believe THAT.

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  • 3 months later...

my bestfriend Jamel had died on October 13th 2008. i considered that boy like my lil brother . i loved him like family . we would always joke around and he would always be with me. but one day in school we were joking around and he said something that made me mad at him. i said to him i hate you and not to talk to me. i walked away from him. but later that night i got a phone call. saying "Jamel ust drowned". i'll never forget those words. i thought everyone was pulling a prank on me, but next thing on the news was Jamel. the next day in school, all his close friends were in the library crying. my other friend Dustin blams himself. but the part i regrt was saying i hate you . i cant get over it and i want to take it back . i cant tho cause hes gone :( . i need help please someone giv me some kind of advice t help me out. i would really appreciate it. thank you .

Sorry to hear about your friend. But your friendship with him was much more than just a few crappy words.Trust me, he knew you were upset but I know he didnt hold it against you! I was in an accident with my friend. I lived and she died. My daughter sent me a crappy text the day of the accident and she was so thankful that she didn't have to live with those last words to me. I never gave those words a second thought, I knew she was just having a bad day. Our relationship meant something because it was filled with soo much more. A few crappy words didnt change that! I was so surprised that she was feeling so bad about it because those things she said to me meant nothing. It didnt reflect what was true..the love we have for each other. Remember that. It holds the same for you and your dear friend!

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