A Day For New Beginnings

[Mrs. B]

Good Morning and Happy Easter.

It has been a year, hard to believe that Rick has left me. It has been tough specially since i felt like I lost his family also. They never called me or came for a visit yet i went there after for Birthdays and Christmas. I did nothing wrong and today without invite bearing food and flowers going out for our annual Easter Dinner. I figure that I will be welcomed or asked to leave then after that I will know where I stand and not have to worry about it any more. My kids say let it go but I cant. 15 years of family ups and downs just dosent go away . So after brunch with my family I am hoping for the best. I miss them all. Rick would be very upset if he knew how things turned out. I also am going out the cemetery to so Today is a Day for New Beginnings for me.

[TerryY]

Happy Easter,

I hope your in-laws come around. They are the ones missing out, if you have small children they are hurting them also. I know my grown children would tell me, get over it and leave them alone.

My husband did not want most of his family to know of his illness. Only two of his sisters knew he had cancer, no one else. One sister called nearly every day, but the other sister never called, not even three weeks in the hospital, two days a hospice, and in the six weeks since. His aunts, uncles, and cousins were mad at me because I didn't tell them. I called one person after he died. At the funeral two aunts passed out, saying if they had ever known. My husband had been home due to a injury for the last 21 years, we have lived in the same place for 19 years. I work during the day, so if they didn't like me they could have came over while I wasn't here. One excuse I heard was we just didn't know where he lived. That's why he didn't want anybody to know. They know now but it wouldn't make any difference.

One thing I have that they will never have, his love, and our memories. Their memories are empty, I hope they're happy.

Terry

[LindaG]

I understand completely. Alot of us have lost more than just our spouse. It is hurtful to see traditions continue without you. A piece of advice that I received from a Grief Therapist was to begin new traditions. It sounds horrible but if there are plans in place than you spend less time focusing on what his family is doing without you. Our family is spread out all over the country so the logistics of some of these gatherings are not feasible for me. It would be nice to be asked, but if after a few holidays you don't see it happening than let it go. That is one thing that took me months to reconcile, but I have. They faught all the time and it was always dramatic so the plus side is they can carry on all that without me. To be honest - truly honest- I would not want to spend alot of time with these people without my husband. They are tied to him not me. If that makes sense. In a few months, you will see this for what it is and be able to move around it. It sounds like your children are offering you some advice and love that will be easier to swallow as time moves forward.

-Linda G

[Kavish]

I am very glad you are strong and doing right by Rick. It is a sign that you love him as much as you do. I am glad you kept the traditions alive and not shied away from them.

Thanks for your honesty,

It helps to read so many messages from all,

Kavish

[Sharon3]

When they say after the death of your spouse you have to re write your address book, who would have thought it would mean family. My husband's mother passed away 4 months after my husband so he just has 3 siblings left. I have tried to stay in touch and even told his sister how I felt that they didn't really consider us family anymore. She assured me I was wrong. My husband and I always hosted Xmas Eve for both sides of the family. Even though it was difficult this year I went ahead as our tradition had been established. They all came and left well fed their choice of drinks as well as a small gift in hand with promises to call. I asked them to keep in touch .....and I have not heard from them. I decided I had done everything possible and that my husband would agree and once I came to that conclusion I am okay with that. I should probably add that our son did not get his share of my husband's inheritance as he should have when my mother-in-law passed away....another sign. And His sister actually asked for a few things back that had been given to my husband from his Grandmother...............so why beat my head against a brick wall.

[Korina]

Mrs. B:

I am so sorry to hear that your inlaws are not communicating with you. So many seem to have the same experience. I have been lucky in that my inlaws have been very supportive. If yours do not come around, then I agree, it is their loss.

Lots of hugs,

Korina