It Is Hard To Keep Going When I Miss My Dad So Much

[Daughter2010]

Hello,

This weekend has been a bit hard on my grief. I am finding it difficult to have the desire to do anything. I had a stressful work week and I had a couple of projects lined up for the weekend, but couldnt get myself to work on them. I found myself missing my Dad so much. I have a hard time understanding who I am anymore. Yesterday I hung out with my friends for a bday party and I felt so strange. I talked to them, I interacted with them but I still felt so out of place. I still cant enjoy the simple things I used to enjoy. I dont talk about trivial things, I just sat there and listened to people talk. I did throw a comment or two but for the most part I felt like I wanted to be away from them. I feel so incomplete with my father not being here. I know it is something I must accept, but I am feeling a bit sad. I know I need to move forward, but at times I feel so stuck with my life. Dad passed and I am having a hard time with things. I do go to work, I do function but at the end of the day I miss him so much.

I went to church and just couldn't help but cry. My father was always there to listen to me, to give me advice, to help me. He is not here anymore, I know he lives on in my heart and memories. I get so sad when I see other people, especially couples who got to grow old together. I am not angry at God for it, just sad. I know my father is pain free now and I pray to God that he is in a beautiful, joyous place.

People who have lost a loved one, somehow move forward, I guess one step at a time. It is just that today, it is so hard for me to do that.

Thanks for listening.

-L

[Kavish]

Try and close your eyes and you will hold on to him tighter in your heart. Your heart will be strong and you will not have to worry that he is gone. I do it with my heart and I feel better that my friend is always with me.

Take care,

Kavish

[niamh]

hi Daughter2010,

I'm so sorry you are finding it so difficult. I read your post and yet again I could have written it myself. I used to be such a bubbly happy go lucky person,always yapping, I would talk to the wall. Now I am so quiet, I pretty much avoid situations that involve any other people other than my close friends, I just don't have the energy for the trivial things as you say. I do listen to my friends, don't get me wrong, I don't want every conversation to be about me and my grief but the general chit chat just wears on my patience these days. Now I'm finding people keep asking "any plans for the weekend", "any vacations planned" .....vacation, are you serious ? Why would I want to pay a $$$$ load of money to go be miserable somewhere else, somewhere my Dad should be with me, I don't think so.

I haven't been to church except once since. I pass it so often and think will I pop in, but I cant seem to, I feel I am still very angry with God or whoever for taking him but also for not letting him back to me in some form or another, not letting me feel him around me.

Since the 5 month mark I am finding it's definitely getting harder. I am also just taking things one step at a time, minute by minute again for me because it's all so hard. I don't think there is anything wrong with that tho, like you I do function, I go to work, I still talk to friends but just not with a big happy smile. My heart is too heavy, too empty.

We are all doing the best we can and nobody can ask for more.

much love and hugs to you sweetie,

niamh

xo

[Jsph110]

L,

maybe its a good thing to find one close friend that you could stick with and find a hobby.

[loulou]

daughter,Im sorry for your pain,but I do understand.I miss mine too,so much.I cant really get used to it.Everyday I at least have a moment where I think,hey I should call dad.I cant get my head to except it.I think I see my dad all the time,and its heartbreaking.I'm coming up on 5 months,and still dont understand how people move on after something like this.I also feel so weak,because I think Im the only one having a hard time.And about being mad when you see older people,ha,I know about THAT.I get mad at people I work with,because alot of these people are alot older than me,and havnt lost a parent.My dad was still in his 40s,and Im pretty young.Its not fair that many of these people I work with are my dad's age,and they havnt lost a parent.Oh and I love that they try to tell me to cheer up,and say all these other things that kinda p*ss me off,when they have no idea how I feel....I just miss my dad,I want him back.my life will never be the same without him,and right now,no one else seems good enough.I need him,he was my bestfriend.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

I just listened to a wonderful, uplifting podcast interview that (if you're able to connect to it on your computer) you may find helpful. The podcast is about 20 minutes long and features Open to Hope founders Gloria and Heidi Horsley interviewing Ligia Houben, certified grief counselor and author of Transform Your Loss: Your Guide to Strength and Hope . Among other things, Ligia advocates going deeper into our grieving process, using such methods as reflection, meditation and rituals to help us become more aware of the losses we are experiencing and how those losses are affecting us physically, emotionally, socially and spiritually. She encourages us to ask what lessons we have learned from them. She also suggests that in the face of significant loss, we can choose to focus on what we still have as opposed to what we have lost. We can choose to think of or to find something, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant -- whether that is someone to talk to, some piece of music we can listen to, a walk in the woods, some article or book we can read, or even being a member of this online family -- that makes us feel happy or grateful or at peace, if only for a moment.

If you have 20 minutes to spare, I encourage you to give yourself the gift of listening to this inspiring interview: http://bit.ly/9Ot0nz