EllenB Posted June 6, 2010 Report Share Posted June 6, 2010 Hi, I lost my mother on May 18, 2010. My sister had her in her home with hospice. My mother was 88 years old. We lost my father in 2001 on May 8, 2001. His death was devestating but he did us a favor and died of a heart attack. A day does not go by without a thought about him. When he died, part of my mother died as well. It also took a chunk out of me. In the past 9 years after his death, I have watched my mother's health deteriate slowly; she turned from a very vibrant woman to a very frail, little old lady, with a roaring mouth. The last couple of years, she could not walk and needed 24/7 help and she hated it. She felt that she was not her own, "man" and she needed someone to do everything for her. This was not my mother. Many times she said that she wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. Her existance was pretty miserable. Friends stopped visiting, family didn't show up as often as they should have. She was very lonely and all she did was look at the square box, the TV. What an existance. She lived in NYC in Brooklyn. My sister lives in Long Island and she asked my mother many times to move in with her, but my mother's stuborn nature would not allow her to take up my sister's offer. Well, in the past month or so, my mother's body began to shut down. I live in North Carolina and I was in NY 4 weekends in a row. Hospitals today should be ashamed of themselves with the care they give. I was apalled, but I won't get into that. Eventually, we knew that my mother didn't have much time so we brought her to my sister's home and had hospice. I really didn't know much about them, but they are wonderful. They give you a book that tells you everything that is going to happen and this does prepare you somewhat about the stages of what is going to happen to your loved one. My mother was coherent and unfortunally in alot of pain. We cried because we felt that we couldn't take away her pain and her suffering. Even through all of this, she told us how much she loved us, she told us that the reason she was diabetic was because she had 2 such sweet daughters and if she saw either of us crying, she would open her eyes really wide and tell us, "stop it, I don't want to see you cry!" which would only make us cry more. She saw her 5 grandaughters and knew all of them and told them how much she loved them. She saw all of her loved ones and recognized each one even on the day she died. On May 18, we all had a feeling that this was going to be the day; we just felt it. We had given her alot of morphine, but she was awake a good amount of the time. About 11:30PM her breathing was very labored and my sister and I went in the room with her. I held her hand and she grasped mine. Her eyes stared into mine without blinking. Whenever my sister walked out of the room, I called her back, because my mother knew she was not there. I kept telling my mother that it was ok to go, you won't be in pain anymore, we love you so much, and you will get to see daddy and you mother and father. I rubbed her face, kissed her and so did my sister, and then she slipped away and passed. It is now June 6. I still am having trouble coming to grips with this. I used to speak to her at least 4 times a day. My phone doesn't ring anymore. I have already had a dream waking up hysterical crying saying I miss my mother! I don't know what day it is or what time it is. I understand it is going to take time, but it still hasn't set into my brain. It just feels that something just isn't right in my life. She was so worried about me. She always told me, "you only have one mother and no one will love you like your mother". That is so true. I will probably say the same to my kids, 2 daughters 25 and 22, but they will probably act like I did. I think that we look at our parents like they will live forever and that they are our heros. But unfortunately, that is not true and this is the natural part of life and it hurts like nothing else I have experienced. One thing though, I feel like my mother is around me; never felt that with my dad. It is not eerie or anything, but I feel her presence sometimes. I know that she is watching me because I have had some major problems at this time in my life and she was so very concerned. On that note, I will end my story and I would love some words of encouragement or if I can encourage or support someone from my past experience with my dad, I am here with a shoulder to lean on. I am Ellen Thanks for listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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