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So Much At Once

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June 12 I got a call that my sister was being sent home from the hospital to die from Pneumonia, her lungs are shot, she's a smoker and a quadriplegic, which compounds it because she doesn't get the same circulation that you and I do.

June 16 I got a call from my mom saying she never wanted to see me again, EVER! My mom has mental problems, paranoia and dementia, she's always been difficult, but it's worsened as she's gotten older. She had been fine on the 12th when I talked to her about my sister, although I know the news bothered her because she doesn't like to share attention.

Around this time, I got the news that my other sister, who'd just arrived in Ireland on vacation, was in a hospital with Pneumonia and her husband was coming down sick too. He is a cancer survivor and gets sick easily. I later learned she'd suffered a couple of heart attacks. So now I'm worrying about all four of them.

Then I get the news that my FIL is being sent to a nursing home because of kidney failure and he can't go home. He's 91 and a sweet old guy, this just broke my heart as he wants nothing more than to go home.

An update on the sis in Ireland, she was finally able to travel home (all she saw on vacation was the inside of a hospital and airplanes), arrived home and slept a week, got checked out here and it turns out she doesn't have Pneumonia but an allergic reaction to some medication. She is now recuperated and quit smoking so she can live a few more years.

Then my BF's mom took a turn for the worse and is expected to die...she won't eat, won't go to the doctor, weighs about 50 lbs. and refuses to cooperate with anyone/anything.

It seems like everywhere around me are older people, dying. I get off work and visit one and the next day check on another...

How do you maintain your sanity in between talking about dementia, hospice, assisted living and wills?

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There is a lot on your plate. I wished I could provide advice or words of comfort. What I can tell you is to maintain the sanity, rely on the strength that comes from God. I don't want it to sound cliche, but take it one day at a times and try to do as much as you can, but also remember you can only do so much. Is there anyone that can help you with running errands or taking care of other stuff so you can focus on your loved ones? a friend?a relative? sounds to me like you need some support whether is with work duties or home errands, or even helping out with your sick relatives.

At the end of the day rely on God to give you strength. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Take care,


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I just feel exhausted, I think from the emotional impact of so much. Jim and I weren't able to see each other this weekend and don't know when we'll get to spend time together again...his mom had to go to the hospital and it's fallen on him to look after her, talk to Hospice and nurses, assure and calm his mom and see to her care. He's spending his days and nights with her and he's exhausted. Life pretty much sucks, it's funny how it can change in an instant and this is now your lot in life. He can't go to work because his mom needs him, I don't know what he's going to do or how long this can go on. She's down to 73 pounds, won't eat except for Ensure. To top it off, his daughter is causing him grief. How much more can one take? I feel so sorry for him and wish I could do something to ease his load but all I can do is pray and be understanding. I wish I lived nearby so I could at least drop off food. His mom doesn't want to meet me and doesn't allow cell phones in her apartment so it's making our getting together pretty difficult. You wonder how long you can go on like this, but I remember when my mother in law was sent home from the hospital to die, they'd anticipated 3 weeks to two months...it was actually 2 years and 8 months. So I know that a temporary situation can drag on for a very long time. He is grieving too, he's been on the verge of tears all week, I can tell this is very emotional, very hard for him.

My mom, on the other hand, will probably live to 100 and vex us every moment. She came home from the hospital Tuesday and on Thursday was out clearing brush in her backyard for 1 1/2 hours. Physically she's doing well (in spite of what she tells us) but mentally, oh my! My sisters aim to see her Wed., and have made motel reservations so they can come down and take her out to eat, and she's thinking of canceling on them "because Polly's not a Christian". !!! I just don't know what to do with her, she's so frustrating. She can't seem to just accept people, children included. She fights everything/everyone, including any help offered her.

I go to visit Dad in Assisted Living every week, and every week he begs to come home. It breaks my heart.

And to top it off, it's my sister's birthday this week and she's dying a slow death...lung disease.

And these are the good years?

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No, I'm the one trying to hold it together...my son has been busy rebuilding a house for a friend of his...had one week to tear out walls, elec., plumbing, replace rot, put up new walls, etc....I've been taking care of the dogs while he's been doing that about 16 hours/day the last ten days plus moving...

So nope...no one to help me. Thanks anyway.


thanks...I feel like I'm at full capacity right now, there's a lot of details making everything more complicated and harder to accept. I stayed home from church yesterday to relax, I was just exhausted!



I appreciate all of your responses!

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Well I'm not seeing any real relief in sight...Jim has full care of his mother in her home. One of his daughters is getting married in 2 1/2 weeks and the other daughter is pretty useless as far as counting on her for anything, she adds trouble rather than helping, so now he has his ex-wife coming over to stay with his mom on occasion so he can go home for a break. Of course I'm not able to see him since he never knows ahead of time when he'll actually get a break (usually late at night to 5:00 a.m.) and we live so far away I can't just hop over there, and his mom doesn't want to meet me so I'm not allowed at her home. This pretty much sucks. I don't know how long it'll go on like this and I have no idea when I'll see him again. Sometimes life just sucks.

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Kay - it does suck. But you do only what you can do. You know, people have their own agendas for how they're living their lives, and there's only so much control we have. There's a point where we have to let our fists unfurl, and let happen what G-d chooses. I sense your full heart - you want to make it better. Sending hugs, Marsha

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