I Can't Believe It Has Been 5 1/2 Months.

[Butterfly9]

Hi Everyone,

This past Thursday has been 5 ½ months since my Dad has crossed over to the other side. I will not use died because there is no death. I know he continues to live just in a different dimension. I am still in disbelief and shock. This is the hardest and most painful journey I have ever been on. I can’t believe it has been that long and yet it seems like yesterday. I am trying hard to put one foot in front of the other as I struggle each day. I still cry every day. There are times where it is really bad and unbearable. I ask God/Infinite Light and my Dad for help. Then a little while later I get that extra push to get through the day and sometimes I can find a little happiness in my day. I know that is what my Dad would want. He continues to guide me as he always has just from a different place that is closer than you think.

I remember when I was a kid, thinking about losing my parents. I never wanted that day to come because I knew how terrible it would be. I just wanted to stay a kid and protect myself from ever experiencing it. Life continues on even if we wished we could stay in a certain time or go back in time.

I keep on asking myself, how do people do it? I keep on looking for answers or ways of how other people are also dealing with their loss of their precious loved ones. Some things work for some people and some things don’t. Each person is different in how they handle their grief but we all can relate to what others are going through. No two people are the same.

I have so many wonderful memories of my precious Dad and I wish I could have many, many more. I can have more memories but in a different way. It might be through dreams he is communicating with me, butterflies, electrical things like flickering of lights, a special song with a special meaning, finding pennies, etc. There are so many ways our loved ones can contact us letting us know they are alive and well and still with us until we can be together again when it is our time. We just have to be patient and listen and look for those signs. They can be so subtle at times.

I try hard to live life and to honor my Dad. He continues to be a part of my life. I talk to him all the time. I know he can hear me. I have been doing some meditation but I need to practice it more so I get the hang of it. I would like to meditate and talk with my Dad. It is possible.

I am so proud he is my Dad!!! I am so proud to be his daughter. I have been blessed to have him in my life!!! He means the world to me and so much more!!! I just wish I could have had him here longer in the physical form and in good health. I know he is healed from his illness and he is in the most beautiful place. It is filled with such vibrant colors and light that is beyond our 3 dimensional world. It is a place that is full of love and peace. I know he is happy and smiling that beautiful smile of his!!! I love you Dad!!! I miss you very much!!!

I’m so sorry for everyone who has lost a precious loved one. My Deepest Sympathy to you.

Sending you all loving and healing prayers to help you on your difficult journey.

Butterfly9

[schelly]

I am so sorry for your loss. My dad passed away 15 wks ago today. And like you said it has been the most devastating journey of my life. I miss dad daily and cry daily. I still just cannot believe he got that sick and we lost him. I try to forget the horrible parts and try to help mom in everyway I possibly can. I cannot imagine how hard it must be for her if it hurts this bad for me. God bless you and be with you.

[DebFromLodi]

I so wish i had your beliefs. I am so confused since my mom died 2.5 years ago. i want to believe she is still with me. i want to believe she is in Heaven. I just don't know how to believe. I totally believe in God, don't get me wrong. I just don't know what happens when we die. Do we just sleep until the Lord's second coming or do we go to Heaven? Can we see and hear our loved ones on earth or do we forget? I am so confused and miss my mom so very very much. Please, I need help with this.

[MartyT]

Deb, dear ~ I know that you are struggling with this question of what happens when we die, and of course no one can answer you definitively because no one really "knows" the answer. Nevertheless, I think you may find it helpful to discover what others have to say about it.

I am reminded of this wonderful passage from a book I read some time ago:

Spiritual connections, sometimes called "continuing bonds," "loving connections," or "continuing relationships," provide a way for us to include a loved one who has died in our life through the creation of symbols, images, and signs that are both powerful and essential for their continuing survival. It is clear that the death of a loved one does not end a relationship. Whether or not this relationship is transformed to a spiritual one, our loved ones are not forgotten just because they are no longer in their physical bodies. We talk about them, miss them, and most of us even find ourselves talking to them. However, creating a spiritual connection with them involves taking the relationship on a new path, just as if they had reached a new developmental stage in life and we'd need to find a new way to connect with them. A spiritual or loving connection is a different kind of relationship, but one that at times is even stronger than the one we had with them when they were on Earth. Our spiritual connection doesn't die with our loved ones. How could it? Our energy is derived from God or, as some say, from Spirit, and returns to God. Just because we'd no longer have a physical body, how could it be that we wouldn't continue to be a loved one? How could these connections not be Spirit-given?

To continue an explanation of our loved one's transformation, think of it this way. Take an ice cube out of your freezer and put it on the sidewalk. After a time, you will see a little puddle of water and the ice cube is no longer there. Again, more time passes and what happens to the puddle? Can you see it any longer? Does it make sense to you to say that it has disappeared and it no longer exists? Most of us would say that the water was in solid form when it was ice, in liquid form when it was the puddle, and in gas form when it evaporated from the sidewalk. It may be a bit of a stretch to think of human life in this way, but it may help to know that the water from the ice cube is still as real as your loved one is. It just is in another form.

For healthy after-death connections, the relationship with our loved one must be reorganized and the loss assimilated in a way so that there is an openness for the communications to be heard, felt, and sometimes even seen. When this is accomplished, we will find hopefulness and be able to make a commitment to have our loved one be a part of our present and future without losing the past. Whatever connection is made – whether through a sign, symbol, thought, dream, or doing an act in the loved one's name – it is this loving connection that seems to help us look toward the future and be willing to enter into life again (pp. 23-24).

[source: Surviving and Thriving: Grief Relief & Continuing Relationships, © 2008 by Jane Bissler, Deneene Florino & Sara Ruble, Spirituality Workshops]

I'm also thinking of another beautiful, uplifting book I read recently that you may find worth reading. The author is Annette Childs, a psychologist who maintains a private practice assisting the dying and their families to find peace and meaning at the end of life. Her research has led her to study mystical phenomena, including the near death experience (NDE). In her book, Halfway Across the River: Messages of Hope from the Other Side, she describes how messages sent "from beyond the veil . . . bring peace to the dying, hope to the grieving, and true food for thought to the rest of us." On pages 130-131 she writes :

. . . in my twenty-plus years of working with the dying and their families, I have heard [many stories describing mystical experiences] . . . Of course, I cannot explain the phenomena, but I have been able to build a personal philosophy around these events in which to hold my experiences. I explained this philosophy [this way]: quantum theorists teach us that energy can never be destroyed. So when the human body dies, the energy body must live on in some other form. Grief related electrical phenomena occur when the energy body of the deceased is nearby. This otherworldly presence somehow interrupts the electrical circuitry of this plane, and although we cannot see their energy, we see the effects of it in the three dimensional electronic world around us (pp. 130-131).

[niamh]

Butterfly,

I simply nod with your post and am so sorry for your continued pain and thank you for your beautiful words as always.

schelly, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad and welcome to this site. I am sorry you have been forced to join this awful club none of us wants to be a part of. ((hugs)) and love to you and I hope you will find you are not alone with your pain as you read our posts.

Deb, your post brings tears because I could write the exact same thing. I feel confused, I feel scared, I wish we could know for sure. I don't understand why we cannot be given this simple comfort of knowing 100% where they are now.

Marty, thank you so much for this post. Like Butterfly's posts I try so hard to hang onto these thoughts and ideas in my deepest pain.

I feel I need constant reassurance from people that these bonds have simply changed, evolved into a new form we cannot fully comprehend. It can be so so hard when things crash down around us and we don't get the dreams or visits from our loved ones.

I can't write much at the moment, so much is going wrong for me and I am struggling hard at the moment and all I need is my Daddy and his reassurance and I cannot get it.

sending hugs, love and comfort to each of you dear friends,

Niamh

xx

[pattysmooth]

Hi Im trying this out. I lost my mother this year and I am living alone for this first time and I am 55. Anyone out there like me?

[Aquarius7]

Hi Pattysmooth,

I am kind of in your situation. Except for one year in college, I was always living with somebody. And my Mom was always with me and I was always with her since my Dad passed away 15 years ago. My Mom has been gone for 2 months and this is the strangest feeling in the world. Nothing feels the same and nothing is the same. Being used to her being around and doing things for her and with her are all gone now.

There is a huge void which never will be filled. I know that me being with her after my Dad passed away was a great help to her. She continued to do many things and in fact she made me stronger when he passed away and greatly helped me with it. And now there is nobody to help me with her loss. People are trying, but it is not really working. And I can honestly say that nobody in my family is dealing with this properly. We need to be empathetic, patient and understanding with and for each other. I am trying to do my part, but the others are not. In fact, I feel the opposite is happening. Most of them want to just avoid it and get it over with (if such a thing is ever possible).

So to get back to your question, yes there are others who are alone for the first time in their lives. The loss of my Dad was very sudden and sad. I had no idea it was coming when it did. When my Mom got sick, I knew it was a death sentence. As much as I tried to prepare for it (if you possibly can), it did no good. Her passing is the worst thing I have ever experienced or gone through in my life. It has literally wrecked my life. It is constant intense sadness, anxiety, fear and inner loneliness. Even when around lots of people, I am all alone.

[DebFromLodi]

Marty, thank you so much for taking the time for me. I really am trying, it is just so very hard to live without my mom. i am sure everyone here understands that feeling. i constantly pray for God to send me a sign so that i know she is in Heaven, i can't even remember any of my dreams. But you took the time to write to me and that means so much. I am going to look into those books today.

[Butterfly9]

Dear Schelly,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious Dad. Sending you hugs (((((( ))))))))). Thank you for your words of sympathy. Yes, it is the most devastating journey to be on. I too can’t believe my Dad got so sick and we lost him. I try to push those horrible images of my Dad away. They are unbearable to think about.

My Mom and Dad have been married for 53 years, almost 54. I can’t even imagine the pain she is going through. I too try to help her the best I can. I know she is lonely because my parents did a lot together. She also believes in the afterlife. She talks to my Dad all the time. She knows he is close by watching over her.

My Dad still continues to be part of our lives. We talk about him in the present tense daily because he is alive and well just in a different place.

Dear Deb,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. Sending you hugs (((((( ))))))))). I didn’t always believe in the afterlife. I had my doubts. I started reading and researching the afterlife. There are also a lot of great books on NDE (near death experiences). Then I experienced some ADCs (after death communication) from loved ones who have crossed over. The reading and researching have helped me a lot. I also find that Faith has a lot to do with it. We are not meant to know all about the afterlife. That is where Faith comes in. You see the affects of the wind because you see the trees blowing, however, you don’t actually see the wind. You know it exists even if you can’t see it. That is how I feel about the afterlife. Just because we can’t see our loved ones does not mean they do not exist. They have changed form like a butterfly.

You believe in God and God/Infinite Light is all loving and forgiving. I believe from my reading/researching that all our precious loved ones go to Heaven when they cross over. There are loved ones around us waiting to help us cross over when it is our time. When our loved ones arrive in Heaven, there is a big celebration there because they are back home again. That is our true home. We are here to learn lessons for our spiritual growth while we are here on earth. Don’t get me wrong, it is still very painful and devastating losing a loved one. However, it brings me some comfort to know that our loved ones are alive and well. They are healed, happy and in the most beautiful place.

Yes, our loved ones can see and hear us when they are in Heaven. They will never forget us. We have a special bond that can never be broken. Nothing can separate us even if we are in different dimensions. That is what is so wonderful.

Your Mom knows how hard it has been for you and how much you miss her. She is closer than you think even if you can’t see her or feel her presence. She loves you very much. I’m sure she has sent you some signs to let you know she is alive and well and close by you. Hello From Heaven is a wonderful book to read about ADCs.

Dear Marty,

Thank you so much for the wonderful passages from the books you read. It is so true.

Dear Niamh,

I’m sorry you are having a rough time. Sending you hugs (((( )))). When I need help/reassurance from my Dad I close my eyes as I’m crying and I ask him. It has helped me to feel better. Your Daddy is closer than you think helping you the best he can. He can still help and guide you from the afterlife. That has not changed. Loved ones who have cross over are usually our Guardian Angel. They watch over us and guide us until it is our time.

I didn’t have a dream visit from my Dad for a while and I kept on asking and asking. They come in their own time when they think we are ready. Hang in there. Your precious Daddy is watching over you and loves you very much. He knows you are having a very difficult time and he is helping you get through it. He will never abandon you. You are so precious to him as he is so precious to you and your Mom.

Dear Patty,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. Sending you hugs ((((( )))))). I hope you find some peace knowing that your Mom is close by watching over you.

Sending you hugs, love, comfort and strength.

Butterfly9