Bad Days - Less Bad Days

[melina]

Twenty days now since I lost my husband. I've noticed that the days are a little different. Yesterday I was able to get a few things done, visited a couple of offices, got through some bills. I didn't feel horrible all the time and I could talk about things with the kids at dinner. Today, however, it was as if a dam broke and all my emotions rushed out. I've been crying off and on all day and the pain in the pit of my stomach has been unbearable. I miss him so immensely.

Is this how it will be? Do others feel this way - like all the grieving we do just gets too much for the body and it has to take a break before it starts grieving again?

Melina

[Cheryl]

Yes Melina. That is exactly what it has been like for me. Two days where I would feel like I was given a break and then back to the consuming pain. I found that it was easier not to fight it. When I felt good, I was like super woman. So productive I would think that life was getting better, then everything would resurface again. But over time the breaks got longer and I began to feel less crazy. I know it is diffrent for everyone though. I hope you get longer breaks soon.

[Queeniemary]

Melina, you described it exactly. It is like taking one step forward, and then two steps back. Michael died on January 13, 2010, and I can tell you that the steps forward are getting more regular, but there are still steps back. The "SUG" (sudden unexpected grief) will attack without warning, and I will suddenly be doubled over with pain and grief. Just little things will bring it on, hearing a song he liked, many things. You will survive and you will go forward, but you will not be the same person that you were before. I don't believe any of us are. I don't see how you could go through this kind of loss, and not change.

Keep coming to this site, there are wonderful people here, much more articulate than I am, that will help you. They have helped me so much by sharing, and letting me rant at times. Praying for you

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

Yes that is what it is like, but the bad days gradually become less frequent, less intense, eventually we get more used to them being gone. We never stop missing them but we do learn to live with it. Eventually you'll be able to go a couple of months without doing too bad and then all of a sudden out of the sky blue, it hits you, the weirdest thing will serve as a reminder. I remember for me it had been two or three years and I had to have my car worked on and a shuttle van took me back to my office...the thought struck me that George had ridden in that very same shuttle van and I just bawled. I'm sure the driver and passengers wondered what in the world about me, but grief is that way and there's not a lot can be done about it. It hits afresh sometimes with no warning. The best I can say is don't be too surprised at it and realize that this is normal. It DOES get better with time though.

Like was said, three steps forward, two steps backwards, so you are moving forward, but you experience the backwards steps too.

[Korina]

Many times I and others have described it as a roller coaster of emotions. And even now, over a year later, the tears come out, sometimes at inopportune times. But at the end of the day, I don't really care that much if others see me cry. And I certainly have empathy for others, now.

Korina

[Mrs.G]

Twenty days now since I lost my husband. I've noticed that the days are a little different. Yesterday I was able to get a few things done, visited a couple of offices, got through some bills. I didn't feel horrible all the time and I could talk about things with the kids at dinner. Today, however, it was as if a dam broke and all my emotions rushed out. I've been crying off and on all day and the pain in the pit of my stomach has been unbearable. I miss him so immensely.

Is this how it will be? Do others feel this way - like all the grieving we do just gets too much for the body and it has to take a break before it starts grieving again?

Melina

My husband Larry was killed in an accident July 29,2009. I still cry everyday for him...He was the love of my life. I managed somehow in those early days to get bills paid...etc...but everything was a chore...and still today I take it a day at a time. I make myself a list and slowly get things done...then some days I cant get anything accomplished because I am in too much pain. My emotions are so unpredictable. I can be talking with someone on the phone or leave a store...and then here comes all the grief again...I want my husband back more than anything in this world., and I cant get him back...no amount of tears will bring him back to me. I have no choice...things have to be done and I am the only that can do them now. I remember crying so much I didnt have any more tears...then I just went numb...for a few days...then it would hit again. I still have numb days but not as often...I have often wondered myself how much can my body take...so much pain, tears, crying out to God...I think when it get to be too much we go numb...it gives the body and mind a break for a few days...then back to the tears. I only have hard crying days a few times a week now...compared to everyday for several months...so it gets better. I can talk about Larry without crying , so that it is good...just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other...God bless you and I am so sorry for your loss.

[Jennalee]

I'm so sorry MrsG. It may not feel like much but you are seeing improvements. I sincerely hope your pain lessens soon.