Frustration With Household Problems

[Jennalee]

I told him so! GRRRR! Early this evening we got a ton of rain, a whole bunch fell real fast. I was at my sister-in-law's house and when I got home I found the basement was flooded. Not horribly, but plenty to where there are some puddles in the living room area. I don't know if any electronics were ruined (like the basement computer and phone) and right now I don't care. I just threw some towels down and went back upstairs cause I didn't want to look at it. Let it all evaporate on it's own and if there's mold, I'll deal with it later.

Just about a month ago I told Ajay we needed a sump pump and he said no, that it wasn't necessary because our basement hadn't flooded in a long time. I argued with him that it had flooded this spring and he denied it. He forgot and because he forgot he thought he was right and I was wrong. I let the matter drop because he could be so hardheaded sometimes. Well now he's gone and I'm stuck dealing with a flooded basement all on my own that could have been prevented if he had just listened to me. I'm not only grieving, but I think I have a bit of resentment against him for the things he left unfinished. I know he couldn't help it. How was he supposed to know he'd get in an accident? But still, here I am picking up the pieces and it's just horribly overwhelming and tiring.

[kath]

Dear Jennalea,

You are right. It is horrible and overwhelming and unfair and unreal and being angry is normal. It was for me. I applaud you for throwing in the towel so to speak and knowing you will deal with it in a bit. You will. It is okay to walk away and regain your strength and your courage. So many times I think it was the anger that motivated me to get the job done.

One of my biggest resentments was the weedy yard. How could he let it get so bad, even though he was too sick to notice! I'd cut the grass and yell at him. Him - the love of my life; being the brunt of all my anger and frustration even when none of this was in his control. All we can do are baby steps, inch by inch, scream by scream, we get through.

Let us know how you do.

Kath

[Jennalee]

Kath, isn't grief just such a torrid mix of emotions? How could I be face down on the kitchen floor begging him to come back to me one minute and the next minute I'm tossing towels all over the basement yelling, "I TOLD YOU SO!"? I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but on the other hand it is super comforting to know I'm not the only one with these feelings. Thank you, really!

[kayc]

Oh Hon, been there, felt that! I also felt anger that George left me with all this mess and isn't here to help me deal with everything. At the same time I feel grateful for all that he did and how hard I tried. And I miss him. You're right, grief IS just a torrent of emotions, all of them and they don't need to make sense!

[Korina]

I wasn't angry in the beginning, and I wondered if I would be. It came, mostly just because he was gone. But also because of some unfinished financial issues, AND because he cannot be there for our daughter - she will never know her Dad, really. Not really sure if I am angry at him or at Whoever...

Korina

[Queeniemary]

Mike always took care of the yard, he was the "green" thumb, not me. Now it is all up to me, and I too get frustrated! My son in law does the mowing for me, but taking care of the maiden grass and the zebra grass, his small dogwood trees (making sure they are watered when we are not getting enough rain), etc, just is very hard for me. I have done my best, but am afraid I may lose one or two of the little dogwoods. Also my yard is not level at all, my house is nestled down at the bottom of a little hill, mine is the only house down here. On one side of the property is a deep ditch that runs along this side of town,, and then the property gently slopes up the houses above on the next street. All of my neighbors are either across the ditch, or up on the next street. We have always loved this property, we called it living in the country, right in the middle of town, it is so private. It is a pretty big yard,with very few level spots, and I don't see me being able to keep it mowed myself.(have had two knee replacements) I keep thinking, why did we plant all this stuff that has to be cared for, and the answer of course, is that we did not imagine that Mike would not be here to take care of everything. I can't say that I really get angry at Mike, but I do keep telling him that I wish he were here to take care of all this. The yard will never look as good as it did when he was here.

This is just another one of those things that you just do the best that you can, and hope your best will be good enough.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas