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It Will Be 3 Weeks Tomorrow

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When Jim was so sick from his cancer he said he was useless so I gave him the job of folding towels and putting silverware away when dishwasher was done. Dishes were done 3 days ago, container with silverware has been sitting on the counter and I just now put them away. I cannot stop crying, I don't know what to do, I am literally walking in circles.

Also when I took him to Hospice House I took his cell phone for him. He hadn't been able to remember how to dial it but he wanted it with him all the time for when the kids called him. I lost it, don't know if it was left at Hospice House or brought home but I cannot find it. It has been turned off but that is now what is so upsetting, it was the last thing that he was always holding and I lost it just like I lost him.

No one has been with me for the past 3 days and I am glad because I don't want anyone around me right now. I have been sobbing since 5:00 a.m.

I don't know how you all have managed to get thru this, I don't think I can make it without him. We did everything together, I am so glad that we never waited until I retired, it never would have happened. He had a massive heart attack in 1995 and went on disability, even though I was working we went camping for 1 week-end every month. Had not camped for the last year, never sold the trailer because it would have made him give up hope. We were married 47 years, I miss him so much.


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Hi Darlene,

I can feel your pain and I am sorry you are having a rough time. My wife passed at the end of April after a year and a half battle with ovarian cancer. I was in that fog you are talking about, walking in circles, lost and feeling alone. All I can tell you is it has gotten a tiny bit easier over the last month or so. I had a hard day yesterday, these long weekends are brutal, we spent a lot of time camping and traveling and I miss being out right now. As I walked through the grocery store yesterday morning I could feel it coming on, I barely made it home and I fell apart the minute I walked back in the house. It hits me out of nowhere some days and I still have a hard time believing she is gone. I sat and got it together for a few minutes and I used some of the tools I have learned at therapy, I have been able to make a connection with her through these techniques. I made that contact with her for a moment yesterday and was able to get out on my bicycle for an hour or so and ride off some of the emotion. Physical exorcise and therapy have saved my life with this deal. I have been able to release some of my grief through physical activities. The connection I spoke of comes through gratitude for all of the gifts we enjoyed together over the years, when I can stay in that mind frame it is a beautiful experience that I can't even describe. It is the closest thing to having her back that I have found. Thanks for posting this morning you have given me a lot to think about and a lot of hope that some day we will all recover from these huge losses in our lives. My thoughts and prayers are with you Darl, take care........BW

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47 years is a long time. I lamented that my husband and I had such a short time together before he died, but 47 years, you get so interdependent and can hardly remember life without each other. Just keep reminding yourself that you will be together again and love such as yours is never gone, it's still inside of you, just as it always was. (((hugs)))


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I know how upsetting it is to lose something you equate with your love. I searched and searched for my favorite birthday card Scott gave me, but was unable to find it. But I have many other things that I have as keepsakes, plus, of course, 20 years of memories.

How did we get through this? How did we survive those first weeks? With a lot of tears, screaming, lying listlessly on the couch, sleepless nights etc. Talking to anyone who would listen. After getting through the funeral and really, the first month, I found that I got comfort out of routine. Days were spent looking after our daughter. Evenings, after she went to bed, writing letters to Scott and coming to the site.


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