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Today I had a wonderful day with my two sons just perfect. I thank my husband and God for giving me this amazing day. As today is September 11th it reminds me of how vulnerable we all are in this world. Also, how important it is to get our priorities right and not take people for granted. Since my husbands passing I have deeper relationships and make sure I express how I feel. Everyone has a hard road to walk just some are harder then others. My personal experience has been once I tell people my personal story they are so wanting to share their sadness with me. It's almost as though they have been waiting to share. I have known people for years and until my husbands passing did I find out about very tragic, sad events that happened in their lives. Is it due to society that tells us we should not discuss sad, tragic things? The image of always being happy and everything is perfect? We better then any one else knows that is not true! I will continue sharing my story I like to think it helps others as well. Something interesting when we first moved everyone I meet had lost a spouse when I shared my story they opened up to me about what had happened to them. It was almost as though I was meant to interact with these people if it was only for a brief time. You could see it in our eyes that we understood and felt each other's pain and these were perfect strangers.

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Nick - Bravo! There is so little said about the constructive side of grief. It tends to deepen our humanity. I've noticed that I have become more direct with people, and I really value good contact. I am less tolerant of people or things that waste my time. It seems to be a kind of maturity that we acquire. 10 months on and I have greater clarity about a number of things. I am more tuned in to my own and other's emotions. Right and wrong seem more transparent. And what I want out of life seems a little better defined. But the price paid in pain and anguish? Wow. It's not like I can recommend grief, but those who have been through grief tend to be more substantial as human beings. Thank you for such a positive tracking of your grief experience; we need to hear that it's not only about pain. - Ron B.

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I appreciate all that has been said here. I believe our society does not teach us how to grieve. In fact, it seems that we are almost taught to shun it, and I've discovered that this denial only increases my sadness and

depression. Talking about the obvious loss in my life has helped so much more than suppressing any emotion. Somatization of a tragedy can be lethal: hypertension, diabetes, alcoholism, etc.

My loved one has passed, but I have a lot of life yet to live, and I'm trying to leave a legacy of honest emotional expression to my son.

I am so very grateful for this website where I was able to explore and then practice my active grieving. It lets me smile more :)

Thank you for your post,


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"It lets me smile more" ~ thank you for that lovely sentiment, Renee! And I am grateful too, for the active and continuing participation of each of our wonderful members, ~ such as yourself, Renee ~ who make this the very special place that it is

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I say Bravo! Nick as well. I am so grateful to have looked at this forum today. I am so grateful to hear that others have found a positive side to grief. I agree strongly that society tends to shun anything that is painful and we are encouraged to deny our pain let alone talk about how our pain indeed has led us to the core of ourselves, and the opportunity of real healing.

I can think of so many positives that have come to be as a result of the adversities in my life. I think how we are in the world is a choice. I am in the health care field of work and I can honestly say that surviving all that I have in my life, has given rise to patients wanting to seek me out when they face a challenge in their life. I am diabetic and part of my job at work is to counsel other diabetics and help them deal with a chronic condition.

I could have chosen a life of despair and suffering, certainly understandable when I look at what my life and what I have survived. Grief is absolutely paralyzing but the absolute blessings are realized when we look at what doors have now opened and how can I take this grief and use it for the good of humanity!

Wonderful, thank you so much. I thought I was so alone with seeing the positive side of grief.

Carol Ann

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