Can Someone Tell Me To Do With This Rage, Anger Hatred Towards Others

[urbabygirl79]

I just am so p*ssed off I want to tell people QUIT Telling me your sorry - that is great in all and nice but what I really want to say is you know what!? you have no clue of what I am going through (unless you lost a parent) I know there are worse things in the world and I feel SO selfish even writing this because poor parents have lost there babies and close sisters and brothers. I dont want to compare pain at all. but I am JEALOUS, I want to say IF YOU only knew... but they are never going to know. I am trying to validate I guess. I feel insane with the range of what I feel since tomorrow will be a week since dad has passed. I am so ANGRY I guess I want to give my pain away? Hell I dont know....

[niamh]

I wish I could give you a real hug right now even though I know of course it

would not help. I think most people don't know what to say and sorry is the safest thing really without all the usual cliches.

I can relate to your rage and anger urbabygirl79,I still have my moments,maybe not as often now but I still feel it.

Right now this is the absolute worse thing in the world for you,it's all about you now and for you there is nothing worse right now and there

is absolutely nothing at all selfish about that.

You are SO SO SO SO right,nobody really knows how this is truly for you,as much as you try to

put words around it,I really don't think the words exist to express the full pain of this (at least I find for me).

I hope you will find in time that maybe some others,like some of us here can relate to some

aspects.....I always use the word relate because I will never actually feel the same as you,nobody will.you and your

Daddy had a special unique relationship that nobody else knows exactly what it was like,just like your pain now.

As I write this to you,I cry because these are all just words,none of which can take away our pain,none

can bring our Daddys back,they are just words.

I've screamed many times in my car and at home,sometimes I find it's a rage that burns so

deep inside I cannot put it in words and it usually ends in floods of tears. It can feel like

you are losing your mind,I never in all my life felt so many mixed up emotions at the same time

but grief does that,the shock of it all,trying to understand what has happened.....intellectually of course we know

but emotionally it's so hard for the mind to process it.

Just know that you are not going crazy,you have every single right to be p'ed off because it is the worst thing for you and your pain and your loss

cannot be compared to anyone elses no matter who anyone has lost.before I lost my Daddy I thought some losses were worse than others,now I realize

everyones loss is their own worst and noone has the right to minimise your loss in any way at all.

((hugs)) and love to you Hun,

Niamh

[niamh]

One other thing I do want to say with regards to your question.....for me personally I refuse to bottle up the anger,I'm sure it would make things worse

in the long run.so if you have someone close you can vent to or come tell us here.

I love my friends and family to bits but sometimes they say the wrong thing that fuels the anger so I've written here about it,I also write in a journal to my Dad where I can just let rip completely in a safe place.

We will always be here to listen and share without judging or telling you what to do and so on.

xxx

[Ron B.]

urbabygirl79,

I do have advice, based on what works for me. When someone asks how you are doing, keep it brief: "I'm grieving. Gotta go." Or: "I'm still having a hard time. See ya!" If it's really none of their business, say whatever: "I'm ok. Bye!" Be engaging only if it's someone you really want to speak with. I know the solicitations and expressions of sympathy are worse than tiresome; those awkward moments leave you stuck explaining 'feelings'. It'd scare most people if you really explained how grief feels. So don't put up with it. Be as brief with people as you choose.

Funny thing, I've become much less tolerant of the chit chatty social amenities and rambling conversation that goes nowhere. I'm not rude, but sometimes brusk? You bet! Helps me cope. It's even a maturity I'm glad to have acquired.

Ron B.

[Lostdaughter]

Ron B's ideas are good. I've felt so angry myself and I have lashed out at people. Not good, but I don't usually do this unless provoked.

Anyway, there will be people who will try to minimize your loss. That happened to me with two very good friends. Well, one friendship almost ended over it and the other one did. I wouldn't recommend my way of dealing with things.

I think it best just to cut things off as Ron suggests and distance yourself from those who try to minimize what you are feeling.

I am sorry your lost your Dad.

[tamijane]

I have been questioning my sanity for some time! I get so angry that I scream in my car too and couldn't believe when I read that someone else feels like that. I would never admit it to anyone before now. I am ashamed at how angry I am. I directed my anger at everyone else and the world tho I know it's anger at myself. Mostly for the things I should have done for my Mum in her last week of her life.

[MartyT]

You might find this thread helpful: Anger, Rage and Helplessness

[niamh]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mom tamijane,yeah this is probably the only

place I've told people I scream in my car,it's the one place noone can hear or see on an open road.

I think the anger is perfectly normal,the silliest little thing can set me off sometimes,it's like this

frustration for not being able to control any of this,the one thing in life we can do nothing about.

I hope you can feel there is nothing at all to be ashamed about and we

are entitled to be angry having our dearest loved ones taken from us

so next time you need to scream in your car,know there is probably an echo of it

with me in my car

Hugs to you

[kellies]

tamijane,

It made me cry when I read your line "mostly for the things I should have done for my Mum in her last week of her life". I get mad at myself too when I think about what I should have done for my mom... I did the best I could but I didn't spend much time with her during her last week in the hospital because I hated being there (made me sad) and I had a new baby at home. She asked me to stay more but I didn't. Now, I wish I had stayed. I didn't know she was going to die so soon (obviously she knew and wanted to spend time with me) and I cry now thinking about her being in the hospital my herself so much in the end.