Want This Year Of "firsts" To Be Done!

[missyme]

today is my birthday. This will be the first time that I don't hear my brother Johnny's voice saying "happy birthday" to me. I SO BADLY want to get that phone call!! I am SO mad that all our happy days are sad now. I am mostly just mad that my brother died.

[niamh]

Belated Happy Birthday to you missyme. I am so sorry your brother is not hear to send you those wises. I feel the same about my Dad, these special days can be extra lonely (if thats even possible) when we don't get those usual calls or emails, cards etc. I too feel very mad about my Dad.

birthday hugs to you

Niamh

xx

[Kim P.]

Happy Belated Birthday. I know how you are feeling. I lost my mom this past January and my birthday was in August. It was my first birthday without her and my birthday or my life for that matter, will never be the same. She would always call me and as soon as I would answer my phone, she would sing "Happy Birthday" to me. Just typing about this is making me cry. Tough stuff. My brother has been my rock in the loss of my mom. He is my best friend, and I am sure your brother was your best friend as well. Sometimes I question life and it's meaning. Why are we here? Why do some of us have to endure so much pain while others live their happy little lives? These are questions that came about once my mom had passed away. I would give anything in this world to see her, talk to her, hug her. And I am sure you feel the same way about your brother. I am here if you ever need to chat. Stay strong. Hugs!!!!!!

Kim

[keyboardplayer]

Aww, that almost made me cry. Yep, I'm dreading the firsts like the plague. My sister's 21st birthday is this Sunday. It's going to be so sad.

[nat]

Hi missyme girl,

You know, I lost my younger brother Juan today a year ago, mi first year without him has officially came to an end today. It does not feel any different, he is not here, he was not here for my bday last 14th and he won’t be here the next one, and that hurts.

I won’t give you any advice, I know we have all to walk this path alone and in our own times. But I will share with you what I did for my bday (I always wanted to know how other people did it, how they could carry one). I live overseas, my family is far away from where I am, I missed them all everyday but more on my bday. I usually like to have friends at home and celebrate another year of life, we will prepare a bbq or a nice summer dinner and a great cake. But this year of course everything was different, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this for my bday, celebrating life. I had the option to do nothing and stay at home, probably sad, probably asking why and why. I decided instead to make an effort and go out for dinner with my husband and my two dearest friends, I decided to go to a nice restaurant, to wear a nice dress and to enjoy the company of the people I love the most in this side of the world. They knew my pain, they knew Juan was missing this time, they knew me and that was enough for me, I could feel their tenderness and their understanding, because they knew him and they were also missing him. I had a peaceful and I could say honest bday, and I am glad for it. I miss him a lot, I remember him and his lasts words to me were precisely "Happy bday nat! I will see you soon". I will keep them with me forever.

I hope you can find your "words" too. ♥