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How Do I Help My Son Understand


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My son is only three years old I try to explain things to him I just dont know how. He is always asking why dosnt daddy come home. It is so hard to say daddys isnt. I do not want him to forget nick so I keep his picture everywhere. I feel so alone it is not fair to nicholas for me to fall apart so I try to keep it bottled up I am so lonley I dont know what to do without nick he was my best friend. How am i going to raise nicholas alone.

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My son is only three years old I try to explain things to him I just dont know how. He is always asking why dosnt daddy come home. It is so hard to say daddys isnt. I do not want him to forget nick so I keep his picture everywhere. I feel so alone it is not fair to nicholas for me to fall apart so I try to keep it bottled up I am so lonley I dont know what to do without nick he was my best friend. How am i going to raise nicholas alone.

Hi,

I too have a 3 and a 5 year old. It has been a little over a year that I lost my husband and my 3 year old still doesn't understand fully that daddy can't come home. He thinks he can fly up to heaven and bring him back home. They don''t comprehend where they went? I still find it hard to tell them that daddy died I say passed away. I was told that saying passed away is very confusing to a child and that you should tell them that daddy died. It' s my issue the words just don't come out too painful. It's so sad to hear your child asking about their daddy very difficult to discuss. We talk about him all the time, but I like you don't want my children to see me crying all the time. When I'm sad they say we know why your crying you miss daddy. I say yes and that it's okay to feel sad and miss daddy he didn't want to leave us and you did nothing wrong to cause him to pass away. Keep it simple, but be honest. I also found myself without realizing it wanting to bring him up all the time. I guess I just didn't want them to ever forget their daddy. I feel the same way you do how am I going to raise these children. You have no choice they need you and you need them. Your son Nicholas will be your reason for getting up everyday I too have a Nicholas. It sucks to raise a child alone and it's very overwhelming at times just do the best you can on that day. Realize you are not perfect, but with love all things are possible.

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Our daughter, Kailyn, was 4 and a half months old when Scott died; she is now 19 and a half months old, and she has been my reason for getting up every day. Don't get me wrong - sometimes the paid is overwhelming when I contemplate the fact that she will never get to know her Daddy, and that he was deprived of what should have been the best years of his life, but she truly has been my saviour.

I have lots of ideas about how to help her get to know her Dad, but I can't say what will work until she is old enough. However, she knows his picture, and that is all I can ask for right now.

In actual fact, I often hear from people about how hard they think it must be for me to be raising a child on my own; in actuality, I don't know what I would have done without her. Also, I get great support from my family and Scott's family.

Korina

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I am much older (64), and all my children are grown with families of their own. My youngest grandchild is 12. Only the great grand children are small enough not to understand, but they live away, and were not with Papa Mike very much, so probably already don't remember him. You all with the young children have a very special challenge, and seems to me, from reading the posts, that you are all rising to the challenge. I think it is good for the children to see you cry, and know that you miss their Daddy. It also tells them that it is all right to grieve, which is a necessary part of this journey. My hat is off to all of you coping with your own grief, and raising children.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkanss

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I want to thank everyone four their help it is comforting leting my feelings out and having people that understand what i am going through. I just do not know where to go from here my head is a mess I try to keep telling my self nick is in heaven now and would not want to leave such a wonderful place. somtimes i think if only it would have been me and not him he was such an amazing person I dont know how it is going to get any easier.

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Linsey, dear, my heart goes out to you as I read your story, and I'm so sorry you are faced not only with managing your own grief in the wake of your husband's death, but also with the added responsibility of rearing your son without his father's physical presence in your lives. You will find a great deal of information, comfort and support right here in this warm and caring place -- but I also want to point you to some other resources.

When you have the time and you're in the mood, please pay a visit to the Child, Adolescent Grief page of my Grief Healing Web site and explore the variety of resources you will find there. In addition, there are a number of children's books that you may find quite helpful in explaining to your boy what has happened to his dad. I've listed the ones I've read and personally recommend here: Books for Children and Those Who Love Them.

Also, just this morning I read on Facebook the following post from the widow's group, Widowed Village (Widville), and I thought of you immediately. (The founder of the group blogs as Fresh Widow on the Internet; she is a young remarried widow and mother of a six-year-old.) Here is her post from Facebook:

I am SO excited about this series of blog posts I'm doing (really, YOU all are doing) with Suzy Yehl Marta, founder of Rainbows Grief Support. In posts on my blog, she's going to answer your questions about parenting a grieving child. Would LOVE to have your participation -- the form to enter your question is http://bi...t.ly/bfnHCe

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