Losing A Father Is Something One Just Doesn't Get Over

[Daughter2010]

This has been a hard day.

I miss my father with all my heart. Today it would have been his 59th birthday. I was on the phone with mom, earlier today and she is grieving her husband who was so dear to her, she described wonderful things about my father. Here we are wondering why things happened the way they did, why weren't we more aware that there could be a problem with his health from years ago. Stomach cancer is a silent sickness, no symptoms until it is very advanced.

She lost her husband, I lost my father. I know my dad lives on in another dimension, but we still in our human condition, cannot grasp why he was called from this world. We miss him every day. If he were with us physically, he would have a great cake, and we would have had a day in family like we always did for the past 32 years.

My father was a healthy man. Yet, he was the first one to leave this world. How can one ever understand that? My mother is grieving deeply and I wish there would be something I could do to alleviate that pain, but I know that can't be done.

Through my faith, I know we don't get answers to all of our questions here in this world. I just know me and my family have to keep going. My father is known to be a great man, very humble and noble of character. How do you not miss someone like that? I am thankful to God for giving me the privilege to have the father I got.

Tonight I am just feeling a bit angry, a bit sad and playing the movie over in my head. A year ago I was with him to celebrate his bday but he had been admitted to the hospital because he had problems....we didn't know we were just running out of time.

My mom is playing that movie in her head as well and how do we not miss my father? Why was he taken from us? It is painful to remember those times, but inevitable.

Why do other people get to enjoy their daddies well in their 80s? I didn't. I can't say he lived a long life. I'm feeling a bit angry and i know that won't change the fact that my father is not in this world now.

We feel incomplete without dad. It was always the 5 of us, now it is 4 of us. I remember when we would go on car trips to small towns and visit different places, he loved that. He loved nature, and children, and sports and friendship and many many things.

Daddy,I love you and miss you very much. I know I will see you again, its just that now your absence hurts a lot.

Thank you all for listening.

-L

[heartaches]

Good morning to you.

I saw that you wrote last night, and it is early morning for me.

I will try to be articulate!

It broke my heart reading your post.

58 is so young!

My mom passed at 78, 6 months ago. Some people say she was too young. I think she was.

My dad is 87, but acts 'young.' I know I am so blessed to have him.

I have no answer for you. I wish I had an answer.

There is no answer...it would be nice if there was one answer that would make us understand everything.

Some' answers'...

It was his time, and nothing could have prevented that.

The other dimension needed him more...his beautiful spirit shining over there! His parents and relatives needed him back in their family.

Now he can watch over you, always be with you, (and your family)

I find some consolation in these 'answers'...but somethings just cannot be answered.

Somehow, in some way, we have to find our own peace.

But yes that dam movie will play over and over again.

And it will, because this is one of the worst things that could have happened.

For me, I could not imagine anything worse. It was the death I never thought I could live through..and I am still here.

I hope I was of some support to you today,....I know it is so hard.

I do share your anger and disbelief in so many many ways.

We just have to go, live with and for our other loved ones.

A hug to you,

Karen

[missingmy daddy]

I find birthdays are always hard; whether they are your loved one's who you lost or your own. My Daddy was also very young when he passed; just turned 51yrs old the month before. It isn't fair and it's not something you just get over. I lost my Daddy 14 months ago and the pain and emptiness are still as much as the night I lost him. I don't have any of the answers we all seem to be seeking; I guess there are none. I hate that there are no answers and we ahve to find our own way now without them here to guide us and help us. I know my Daddy is watching over me, but I would so much rather have him here with me.The movie you describe never ends; or I have found it hasn't as of yet. I hate watching that movie, but I love seeing him in my mind and my dreams again. I ask for a sign, but so far have seen only one. I was so grateful the day my children said "Mommy look! A double rainbow! It is Grumpy's way of telling us Hi and he loves us!" I cried so much that day. Almost as much as I cried on his birthday. It is like we are on the never ending emotional rollercoaster; numb one second, sad the next, angry the next and then back to numb. For my Daddy's birthday this year we cooked his favorite meal and had a small cake with one candle in it. We sang "Happy Birthday" to him like we always did and everyone was crying the whole time, but my children said it was good for them to do that. I jsut wanted to let you knwo you have a right to your feelings and so many of us here are feeling the same. Hugs to you and your family.

[niamh]

hi Daugher2010,

I'm so sorry you had to deal with your Dad's birthday, those days are so hard, not being able to make a call, send a card, give a gift, share the cake with him, it's just all wrong.

It is so hard to grasp why our Dads were taken from us, from this world, all our Dads are just the kind of people this world needs, why are the great ones taken.....I guess now my Dad knows the answer to those life questions and I look forward to the day I can chat with him all about it again.

I do get angry at times when I see other people with their Dads who are in their 80s, 90s as you say. We always assumed my Dad would be around until his 90s, he loved life so much, he was such a young 65 year old.

Most of the time I hardly feel like part of a family anymore because it's just me and my Mom, no siblings. Only time I feel a family connection is when we are with my Dad's brother and his family, although there is always such a big hole missing from it.

loving and missing my Dad always like you,

hugs to you

Niamh

[loulou]

My Dad always said,"dont worry lou,I'm gonna live to be 100"and he dropped dead at 49.He didnt even make it half way.I get very angry when I think of all the people who have their dad's into their 80s or 90s.My Dad was fit,and young in age and at heart.He was so full of life.10 months ago I had my dear dad,and my life has changed without him.2 days ago was my sisters birthday.She turned 9.My heart breaks for her.My dad was everything to her.Can you imagine the closest person to you passing away in the blink of an eye at 8 years old.And yet she is handling it better then me.I know how all of you feel.I miss him so much I barely have words for it anymore.I cant believe I have lived 9 months since he left this earth.I'm pregnant right now so my emotions are over the top,but everyday I cry for my daddy.I just want to hear his voice,smell him,see him.I feel like I'm a 9 year old.Today it feels comforting to know people feel the same.

[KJO]

Hello L, and thank you for posting this.

First of all, I am truly sorry for you losing your Dad. I lost my Mom a month ago, and her birthday was just last week. However, I must commend you on your spiritual integrity through all this. I was never a religious person, but became a man of faith a bit late in my life. I was baptised Jan, 2009 and thought that my life has taken a turn for the better. Unfortunately, my life has nose-dived soon afterwards when I was laid off last year. That, plus other sentinel events, was topped off when my mother received her stage 4 stomach cancer diagnosis. She died just a little over a month ago, and it is all still fresh to me. Last week, a massive hail storm ball milled the whole city. My car was ravaged with dents, windows smashed everywhere. I was furious, isolated, and saddened at the same time. Regrettably, I found myself saying that "God must really hate me," and now regret saying that. It reminded me of a conversation when my mother was talking to me about her first few weeks of dealing with her own mother's death when she was angry with God for such an outrage. Now I understand. I never knew I would ever do that, but it was done. I confess that it was the wrong thing to do, and ask God for forgiveness. People should maintain their own respective faiths during times like these. It is not easy when we are to endure the struggles of losing a parent. I know that our restoring our strength is, and can be done with our faith, not without it. I only wish I remembered that at that time before I shot off my mouth.