Hit The Wall

[Hol]

I lost my mom and best friend June of 2007. I was well into this grief thing. Not a day would pass without feeling the horrible loss and separation. Even today, it makes me gasp when I think about her not being here. Just before Christmas of 2009, I lost my father. An equally great loss, he was a terribly good man. I was left their home, a home that I grew up in, a home where he installed his own hand built cabinets. They made so many changes over the years to it and it became a beautiful home. I have my own house. I could not maintain both, so I decided to put his up for rent being that mine is too far gone. I no longer know where to call home or where to go. I know I'm an adult. But,I have been left with no family members. When I get into these slumps, I contact my friends. However, they all have their lives and they consider my situation "the poor little rich girl" that has two homes. If it was up to me, I'd gladly give one up just to have my family back. I also had three sweet dogs last year, two died, one of a brain tumor and the other of metastic cancer. They were older dogs, but links to my family. The one I favored the most died the day before my father did. I sometimes wonder about the meaning of life and what is in store. It seems like I was meant to be alone, I even had to lose two dogs in the process !! I wonder what is next, I have nothing more to lose at this point. I thought things would get easier, but today I handed the keys over to the tenant, I got a sickening feeling that the next time I go into the home, my parents won't be the last ones that lived in it. My mom grew up in the projects and my dad grew up in a very poor part of town. They both worked so hard to the house and make it a home for everyone. I hope I did not make a mistake. I am heart broken and just wish for my family to come back as many of you do also. I am so sad and I don't even know who to talk to anymore. Friends become too bust with their own living and I have died, but am still here. I hope to one day see my parents again, to know things did not end here, they were both too young to pass and I find it really odd my dad had to go so soon after her. He did not have any debilitating illness.

Hugs to all of you .... Holly

[Kavish]

Hi,

Yup, You and so are we faced up against the brick wall and have to get through it with the might of our heart. We got to take the load of our heart and get strong and find our loved ones again. They are here and everywhere, so says Deepak Chopra in his book "Life After Death." I believe in it too, because I don't have anything else I believe in. The meaning of life is I think, that faith in God is our steadfast hope to see us through.

Regards,

Kavish

[KJO]

I am so sorry you are feeling that way. I suppose I am still falling. I am numb, but feel a crash coming on soon. My Mom has been gone over a month. Things are going through the unraveling phase. I have good days. I have bad days. I miss her terribly. I do feel as Kavish said, that in spite of what I have said before, that keeping one's faith in God does, and will help get through this crisis. Hang on to faith, and just hang on.

[niamh]

hi Holly,

I am very sorry for the loss of your dear Mom and your Dad and in such a short space of time.

I lost my Dad suddenly aswell just before Christmas last year.

Sorry also for you losing your 2 dogs, I've never had any but I've seen with friends that they really are just part of the family.

I hope Holly, you can find some tiny comfort here with the rest of us just knowing you are maybe not as alone as you think.

I can relate when you talk of friends having their own lives, while they care for us it's just such a far cry from the love of the parents we now miss so much, nobody else is good enough, nobody else can give us what we are missing.

I cannot even imagine handing the keys to tenants Holly, often these are the things that people don't think of anymore yet they are traumatic for us.

I too wonder so much about the meaning of life these days and now my Dad has all the answers and I wish I could call him up and ask him.

sending hugs your way Holly,

Niamh

[Kim P.]

Hi Holly,

I am very sorry to hear of the loss of both your mother and father, and your two dogs as well. I know that renting out your parents home is probably very tough, it would be for me too. I am sure you found comfort visiting their home after their passing. I am not sure what I would do if I was in your shoes. Part of me would want to keep it for myself, but you need to do what's financially best for you. And maybe it will help in your healing process....My mom passed away this past January, she was 51, and I was 28 at the time. She was my best friend and losing her was the most horrible thing ever. I know how you are feeling, and I am sending hugs to you!!! If you ever need to chat, I am here for you.

[DebFromLodi]

When we had to put my mom in the "home", and we knew she was never going to be able to go back there, my brother sold the house. It was his, given to him by my uncle, but my mom lived in it since 1954 (the year it was built by my uncles and dad). I was never able to walk through the house after her passing. We also got rid of all her things. Had i known she was going to die, i would have kept so many things that we just sold. But it is ok, i will forever have these memories, thank God.