Making Decisions Alone.

[Marion Claire]

Finally realized today why everything is so different in one day. Being left alone meant I have to make all decisions by myself. Never ever have I had to do that. Ray took such good care of me and know I have to figure everything out by myself. Already so worried about tax time. I know where nothing is and I may have thrown papers I will need, and have no idea about any of it, so will have to go get help for sure. Selling our home was not a decision I would ever do alone before. Any bigger purchase etc we always did together. It truly is hard enough to be left alone with my wonderful soulmate. Took a while for it to sink in that everything is up to me know. Keep telling him I hope I am doing the right thing. My girls tell me seeing I was treated like a fairy princess for so many years anything I do would be ok with him. Guys and gals this really stinks being alone doesn't it.......................... Marion

[Queeniemary]

Marion, you are right, it really stinks! I hate making decisions alone. I hate traveling alone. I am traveling to Arizone in November with other family members to visit our other sister in Arizona. To meet up with the others, I have to drive from my home in Arkansas to Tulsa! I dread this part of the trip, although I am very excited about going on the trip with my other siblings.

I always took care of the bills, and tax work, stuff like that, so I am pretty comfortable with all that. Mike however, took care of the cars, when to do this or that with them, the yard, so that is the hard part for me. Also having to make decisions about doing some upgrades on the house this year have been a little stressful. It was improvements that we had talked about doing (siding, new porch, etc), but having to make the final decisions alone was hard.

Every thing we do, however, makes us better able to do more. It is just the one step at a time thing, can't do everything at once, just one little thing at a time.

When are you moving into your new place. Pretty soon, right? I remember reading about it in another of your posts, sounds like a really great place for you, and you found it, and made that decision, selling your house, etc. on your own. I think you are doing very well in this decision making. We don't have to like it, right, we just have to do it!

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

[kayc]

Marion,

I know the panicky feeling you are experiencing. Try not to worry about taxes, etc. When you think of something that you know will need to be done, write it down. As you think of it, write down what you think you will need or need to do with that situation. Taxes are a prime example. You will need to have on hand mortgage interest (they will mail you a form by Jan. 31), you will need W-2's (employers also mail those by Jan. 31). Any mileage to go to doctors, etc. you can write down all of the drs appts in the year and figure out mileage that way. Property tax statements will be mailed to you shortly, you'll need that. Receipts for anything medical, Rxs, glasses, doctors, hospitals, ambulance, etc. You are able to claim your husband the first year even though he died, after that you will need to change your W-4 to Single instead of married or you will be hit with up to $1200 owing in the year, that is the approximate difference in withholdings. You can go to the IRS site on line and look for withholding calculator and answer the questions and it will tell you what your withholding exemptions should be. If you are afraid you don't have all of your medical receipts, you can call the doctors, etc. and request they send them to you and let you know what you (not your insurance) have paid during the year. You still have six months before you have to file so you don't even need to tackle any of this yet, if you want, you can wait until January and that should give you plenty of time to collect everything. I use www.taxbrain.com and love it because it has a library of information, live chat, you can call them, and all you have to do is answer their questionnaire and they figure out the best way for you to file and compile the tax returns for you. Also, if you discover after you file that you need to amend a return, you can do it at no extra charge beginning with the info you've already inputted. They keep the returns on line for you for several years so you don't even have to worry about losing a return.

It sounds like your mind is going bananas with anxiety, I know how that feels, esp. in the middle of the night. Try calming music, scents, anything that helps relax you, and talk to your doctor if it causes you to lose too much sleep or happens too much.

It's good that you talk to us here, we've all been through this, we understand. How wonderful that you had a husband that took such good care of you! I'm sure you miss him tremendously. You can do this, you will learn just how competent you are as you begin to do things you've never had to do before. You may have been treated like a fairy princess by your husband, but that doesn't mean you're not a dynamic woman that can tackle anything you need to!

(((hugs)))

Kay