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Seeing My Pain In Others

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It has been a while since I initiated a topic. But with 3 other deaths in Scott's and my family since Scott has died, I am waiting for something good to happen.

6 months after Scott died, his aunt Sylvie passed away. And 6 months after that, Scott's uncle (partner of Sylvie) died. He was so close to Scott, and then to so quickly lose Sylvie, while he always put on a brave face, I cannot say I was surprised. All of this was terrible hard for Scott's mom, as she has now lost her husband (many years ago), her son, and her brother.

And then just a couple of weeks ago, my uncle (my mother's youngest brother) died from a blood disorder he has had for many many years. My mom's words brought home memories. "Why, when there are evil people in the world going about their business, did Jim have to die?"

I am sure each and every one of us has thought those words. I know I did and do.


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I wish I had the answer to your mom's question. I'm so sorry for all of your losses in such a short time. I have been doing a lot of soul searching since Tommy's death and I keep coming back to what my mom told me many years ago.

"God doesn't close a door without opening a window".

My mom passed away in 88, my brother was killed in an auto accident in 90, a friend was shot and killed in 94, my dad passed in 97 (complications due to Diabetics) and Grandma died in 2003. (She was 100) and then Tommy.

Mom and I were estranged for years before her death ( long story) and had just started a relationship again less than a year before she died. I got through her death by realizing how lucky I was to have that chance to reconcile because my brother didn't. (another long story I'm not ready to get into)

De, my brother's passing was senseless and preventable. What helped me through was knowing that it was quick and he wasn't in pain long. That sounds morbid, I know... but he wouldn't have lived and knowing he did not suffer helped me cope.

I was closest to my dad and when I found out he also had renal cancer. (he didn't tell me nor did any one else) I lost it. For years, I stayed in my room in deep depression. I wasn't talking to anyone and my ex didn't know how to handle me. His solution was keep the kids as quiet as possible and go on. What got me out of my funk was Brian was sent to Korea again (his other solution, to go away and make me have to go on) and I became a single parent for a year. Then I had to start living because there was no one else to take care of my kids, who were teenagers, with all the problems teenagers bring. :)

Here is a poem I found. It isn't the one I was looking for, but it's close.

Life is but a Stopping Place

Life is but a stopping place,

A pause in what's to be,

A resting place along the road,

to sweet eternity.

We all have different journeys,

Different paths along the way,

We all were meant to learn some things,

but never meant to stay...

Our destination is a place,

Far greater than we know.

For some the journey's quicker,

For some the journey's slow.

And when the journey finally ends,

We'll claim a great reward,

And find an everlasting peace,

Together with the lord

Author unknown

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I too had my Scott die a couple of years ago. I lost my dad and then my mom and my sweet mother in law within 1 1/2 years back in 2000-2002. It set us on a sad momentum. I held and my Scott went into a bad depression that last 8 years. I thought losing beloved parents the worst that I could go through. All of us were close. When my Scott died...I knew it was the worst I would ever have to bear. Now looking at it that way..everything else pales and is only getting better. After all I went through the worst moment. My own death when ever will be ok. My loved ones are already gone. I feel surviving is the hard part. I always grieve for the survivor. They have to bear the sadness and loss. No, I'm being realistic. I have never been depressed, sad but not depressed. Keep your Scott's memories alive for your daughter. Pets help. I used to have cats all our marriage. The last died at 19. I have my dogs. They are 12. I won't adopt anymore. I'll love on everyone else's.I worry about who would care for them if I died. They have rights too. So no more. I'm 56. How do you feel like starting over? He was too hard to follow. I won't say never but it's almost three years in Jan. it will be.LindaKay

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Struggling with the "why, God?" myself. In 2001, Mike and I had what we considered the "year of death." Starting in Dec. of 2000, my parents lost a pet, in Jan. 2001 one of our close friends also lost a pet, I lost my great-aunt. In March, Mike's wife left and divorced him, Mike's father passed, Mike's wife's father passed. In April my Dad lost his twin brother (first sibling for this family) and my Mom lost one of her brothers (first sibling for this family) and of course we had friends that lost family members and then there was 9/11. Mike struggled for years over this year. More recently for me, in the last 4 years I have lost 3 friends, two pets, Mike's Mom and now Mike. But I started going back to church again. Death is part of life. God has a plan for us even if we can't see it now. Telling myself all of the cliche's. Don't believe any of them yet, but I really want to....

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Thanks for all the words.

Kailyn, our daughter, has and always will be my saviour. I don't know if I could have gotten up every day if I didn't have the responsibility to care for her, not to mention that truly intense love for a child.

I doubt I will ever get the answer to the question why. I therefore try not to think about it too much.

Kailyn and I are blessed to have 2 kitties, who make us laugh, and comfort me when I am sad. And as for starting over, I believe Scott was my soulmate. Right now, at over 1 year, I don't feel any desire to find someone else. My Scott, as with yours, is too hard to follow. I think I would constantly compare anyone else to him, not so good for a relationship.

As for God's plan, I am not so sure about that one. However, since Scott's death, I have become more confident in my belief in God, the hereafter, or whatever label we put on it.


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I think all of us wonder the same thing, Korina. Someone once said God needed someone good in His life so He took George. Maybe. I sure could use someone good in my life too. :(

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