Overwhelmed By This Heavy Heart, Grey Cloud. Missing Him And Facing Al

[MZM]

I wake up every morning with this sinking feeling. I never knew this until the accident. I used to be so happy, a normal 28 year old with her soulmate who she had the rest of her life to spend with...or so i naively thought:(

My mother actually wrote this to me in seeing how negative and sad I have become. I try and have a happy day, and then I choke up when I face a memory. Then theres the entire day filled with missing him and loneliness...dont know how to face these memories anymore. Cant even sleep in my own bedroom...

From my mom to me: (and im sure you all have loved one wishing the same for you):

Here below is all my wishes for you:

I wish I could wipe away your tears for ever and mend that broken heart

but I know that it's not possible to do that,

I wish that I could put back the smile on your face

but I know that only you can do that and at least I have hope,

I wish that I could bring back your innocence

but bringing it back also means that you will forever be sheltered,

not prepared to deal with life's knocks and blows,

I wish that I could promise you that things will get better

and that you will be okay but then I would be a lying,

I wish that someday you will meet someone whos even a bit like Zubeir

but I know that no one can take his place and nobody should,

I wish that I could have my carefree baby back

but I know that this takes time and no matter how long it takes,

will wait patiently for that day,

But most importantly as your mother I wish that I could take your pain

and carry your heavy cross, which is weighing you down so much,

but unfortunately it's your cross to bear and try as I may,

I cannot take it away,

What I can promise though is that I will be there for you at all times,

not only as your mother but also as your friend,

Know that I will always love you and I thank God

for giving me the honour of being your mother.

[melina]

Thanks for the poem. This was especially poignant since I had two of my sons home this weekend and there were tears of grief from both because they missed their beloved father. Seeing their pain was just as bad as feeling my own. I so much wanted an easy, carefree life for them, full of joy. I wonder if that's possible now that their dad has been taken from them. They had such a close relationship with him. He was a fantastic father.

I feel pain for my own loss and pain for my kids. I had to tell them that though I could never be their father, I would always love them and be there for them as their mother.

Melina

[Lainey]

The poem was very beautiful. As a mother I understand exactly what she is saying. Sounds like she loves you very much and will be there for you whenever you need her.

Thanks also for posting the picture, you are very beautiful and Zubeir was handsome. You look very much in love.

Lainey

[kayc]

That is so beautiful. I can only imagine how she must feel as I have a 28 year old daughter and I'd rather die a thousand deaths than have her go through what I have been through, the loss of my husband. I'm glad you have your mother.

[MZM]

thanks all... Kayc im so glad my mom is here....as well as my dad and my sister. I do feel quilty though that I have taken them so much for granted...especially my parents...right now its all about me

[Chrissie]

How beautiful!! You can tell that your family loves you very much & they would not want you to feel guilty. This time is about you, taking care of yourself, eating and trying to get some rest. They are here for you, to support & comfort you. My daughters and sisters have been my rock and I love them so much for being here for me. Also this site has helped me through many bad days. We're all so blessed to have each other!!

Chris

[MZM]

thanks Chrissie...we really are all blessed to have such wonderful, loving family and friends and the wonderful friends we've found on here