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Back To Work - Harder Than Expected

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I returned to work today for the first time since losing my husband. Here in Norway we have something called "active sick leave", which involves being technically on sick leave, but encouraged to visit the work place at least once a day. As long as you visit, you can stay for any amount of time - even a few minutes.

I was there for an hour, but then felt I had to leave. Even work brings up memories - both good and bad. My husband and I used to exchange messages and e-mails, or call each other during the day about all kinds of stuff. These are the good memories. The bad ones are from the past year driving back and forth to the hospital, waiting anxiously to hear about test results - all that.

I found they had moved me to another smaller office because our newly hired manager wanted a big office (mine). My computer wasn't set up, and even though some co-workers (friends of mine) had tried to put all my books and papers on the shelves for me and try to make it look nice, it was still hard to find anything I needed. I just felt - abandoned, I guess.

I wanted to come home and complain about the office to my husband, laugh about the mess and relax together. It was a new low and I ended up crying at the kitchen table again.

Just needed to share this with someone.


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My Honey past away on sept 2nd and out of necesity I had to go back to work on the 7th. I spent the whole day and many more in tears but break times were the worst. I used to sit in the break room on the phone just talking to my Honey about what ever came up. I made many people sick with how many times we said "I Love You !" in one 10 min conversation ! I got teased a lot ! Now when I have a break I just wander outside in a daze and light up a smoke and cry. I dont get teased anymore, they just look at me with pity (or it feels like pity to me). The store I work in is huge and I still have people come up to me and say "Im so sorry for your loss" which is like a knife in my heart every time. I work the sales floor and its very difficult to put on a smile and still have tears in my eyes, and pain in my heart. To greet people in a friendly manor when all I want to do is scream. This was a very frustrating place to work to begin with and now...

God bless us all !


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How hard to come back to work and find everything moved and in a state of upheaval! I hope that next time they have your computer set up, it doesn't take that long, they should have had it ready for you.

I know what you mean because when my husband was alive he would call me at noon and also at 5:00 and on Fridays he would show up at my office right before I got off, with a dripping ice cream cone for me. :) He'd be all dressed up and snazzy looking and ready for "our time" to start. :) When I went back to work, the absence of his calls and his showing up really hit me. Friday nights and Saturdays were the worst..."our time" was gone. :(

Eventually you get used to it, but it takes time and patience to get there. I wish there was some way to avoid it.



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Melina, how awful to come back to work and find that they had moved you. Especially now. About 1 1/2 years ago a similar situation happed to me while I was on vacation, and it was very upsetting. I can only imagine how upsetting it would have been to me if it had happened to me after Michael's death. How great that your friends at work tried to get it set up for you, but if you are like me, you have to do your own setting up.

Hope your next time is better.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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