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Loss Of My Son

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After six months in ICU waiting for a heart transplant, my oldest son passed away in March, 2010. Just two weeks prior to his death, his wife gave birth to a gorgeous daughter, their first child. My son was able to hold the baby every day thereafter, through the efforts of the excellent staff of the ICU.

We never told our son that his beloved grandfather had passed away in February. What a surprise that must have been for him when he was greeted in Heaven by his Papa!

Our 29 year old niece died in September. My ex-boss/friend committed suicide a month ago. And our daughter's best friend passed away two weeks ago, probably a drug overdose.

Nothing can have prepared us for all of this devastation. My husband and I live thousands of miles away from family, and have very few friends. Our town is just a wide spot in the road, and there are no grief counselors near enough to help us.

I miss my son so much that grieving for Dad and my niece hasn't even hit me. Each day I force myself out of bed, go to work, talk in the evenings on the phone with Mom and our other kids, then crawl into bed and hope to sleep through the night. My husband suffers as well, and we try to give each other comfort.

My son's wife told me that the pain of our loss will not go away, we will someday learn to live with it.

Some days I wonder if I'm still sane. Am I coping?

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So sorry for your losses Meggie, but I just wanted to say I don't think there is a right way of coping and although it feels weird and surreal to carry on THAT is you coping. I always found it weird that I was doing things like normal and I was waiting for it to just hit me all at once so I couldnt carry on, some days it is like that but it hasn't been a phase, some people do cope like that but others dont so I think you're doing just fine. It's a shame theres no grief counsellors around but it's good you have your husband to talk to probably better because you both share the same pain so you can relate to each other. take care

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Meggie, I'm so sorry to learn of all the significant losses you've endured, and my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry, too, that you live so far from any sort of "in person" support system. Since you do have access to the Internet, however, I hope you know that there is a world of virtual support "out there" just waiting for you to find it. I hope that when you are so inclined, you'll take some time to explore some of the pages of my Grief Healing Web site, which contain dozens upon dozens of links to resources that can help. The Site Map is a good place to start, but be sure to explore these pages in particular:

Death of an Infant, Child or Grandchild

Death of a Parent

Suicide Loss

Traumatic Loss

The fact that you found us is an important indicator that you are "coping" ~ You recognize your own need to connect with others who've suffered similar losses, and you've managed to locate one of the most caring, loving and compassionate groups on the Internet, right here, right now. I hope this serves to reassure you that you are not alone, and that we all stand ready to support you as you find your way through this difficult and challenging journey of grief.

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Maggie, I am so sorry I have had the same devastation in my life too.

Last year 09 I was going to visit my girlfriend in Florida but when I pulled her up in Google I pulled her obituary She had just committed suicide the week before. Then my dad (90) died Oct 4 while I was visiting him. He died while I was holding his hand. The after a terrible christmas, My Beloved Cat Rocky got killed by a car, I let him out I usually kept him in. Then Mar 24 I was visiting my sister she had cancer and died while I was there with her.

I was so messed up I could not work or think. I am still affected by all of this. I place no importance in THINGS. I dont care if I stay married or divorce.

I dont care if I work or not or where I live or anything. I have cancelled vacations and affairs that I have to socialize with people. I take one death at a time and work on it. That is all I can do. THe pain does soften.

GOD Bless You.

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Thank you to all who have replied. I remind myself every day to keep my eyes on the people in my life who are alive. My son, my dad and neice are all safe now. Those of us left behind are the ones who need me as much as I need them. Too bad they annoy me so much; I keep my pain somewhat hidden to spare them additional grief.

I did seek some counselling back in September. The doctor was nice enough but taking time off work to see him was a problem. Plus a 50 mile drive to get from home to his office, then another 50 miles to get back home.

Thanks again for listening. Meg

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