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Losing My Brother Was Like Losing A Piece Of Me


elb

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I feel very alone because so many people write as a female losing their sister or a male losing their brother but I am having trouble finding someone who is a woman who lost their brother and feels the way I do. My brother, Oren, and I were 5 years apart (I am the eldest of 5) and I always felt like as the eldest I was/am responsible for the care of my siblings. I have always taken my job as eldest very seriously, never missing a school play, a hockey game etc. Even when I was in college. I felt like I let myself and Oren down by not being able to save him and I feel like I let my other bother, Josh, down by not being able to protect him from witnessing Oren's death. Now in everything I do I feel like a failure. I feel like this was my fault and that Josh will never see me the same way again. I am sad.

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Dear elb, I am so very sorry for your loss. I am a woman who lost a brother to suicide, he was two years younger than I. I have not talked much about it yet. I too felt responsible for the care of my siblings. I wanted you to know that you are not alone. I am sorry that you feel like a failure, I understand. I hope in time that feeling changes for you. Just because we "feel" like a failure does not neccessarily mean that we are.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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I think my main problem has been that I feel like no one I know has really understood what I have been feeling and I think I even make them feel awkward and uncomfortable sometimes when I say something about him. But the more I read the posts on this site the more I feel like maybe that is just not a place I am understood. I also tried therapy which I was in for years but I felt like the doctor wanted to talk about my parents and their reaction but I was still working on my head. I am really glad that I found HOTV, I feel like I found a comfortable place where no matter what I say there are people to relate to me. Thanks so much for listening AND responding...

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Dear elb, I am sorry that you feel misunderstood. We all long to be understood. We all long for someone, anyone, to understand our pain. I am glad that you found HOTV too. You have found a safe, non-judgemental place were you will find others who understand and relate to you. I heard you and others have to, some can only read, and others will read and respond. We accept we are all at different stages of this journey, and the ones that can only read for now, it is OK, sometimes we just have no words, but need to read to know we are not alone.

Hang in, keep coming back, we are here, you are not alone.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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I too am a female who lost her brother. My brother was older but he was the middle child and very much "cared for" by my other brother and I.

I alternate between wanting to ignore this whole grieving process all together and really REALLY needing to talk to someone about what happened. I have only one friend that I can truly talk to about this. Everyone else it either brings up their grief or they don't feel very comfortable with my pain.

hang in there...you have found a safe place to talk here

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