Something Positive

[sunstreet]

Today was the most beautiful day here. Totally blue skies and sunshine, cold and fresh. I am feeling very comforted tonight. I managed to get the tree up and it is beautiful. Good thing there is only my cat here because I was talking out loud to Melissa the whole time. I felt quite comforted. I felt Melissa right there. Melissa is part of me always will be. Death can not take that away.

I feel so encouraged tonight. I am sure Melissa is smiling tonight. It was good to see all the decorations again. Melissa and I made all the tree ornaments. I found some of my writing in one of the boxes of decorations. It was so good to find. I shed some tears, but they were more like tears of warmth, remembering all the good times Melissa and I had, and not tears of what I have lost.

I had just a grand day and wanted to share it with you all.

Blessings, Carol Ann

[Perkins808]

I am glad you had a great day Carol Ann ~ you so deserve that!!

I also started decorating for Christmas. It has always been my favorite holiday and I decorate every room in the house. Jeff was amazed at the transformation after the decorating was done, so decorating this year was kind of a no brainer for me. Of course there were tears when I pulled out the giant snow man snow globe Jeff had given me for Christmas last year......but they were happy tears because I can remember how excited he looked when he walked in the house with the big box and couldn't wait for me to open it.

I have been thinking a lot about the upcoming holidays and have decided that I am not going to be miserable on these days......it will be hard without Jeff here, but again if the tables were turned and I was the one not here I would want him to cherish the memories and continue living!

On another note - I have found a soup kitchen where we (me and my two girls) are going to volunteer for Christmas. A new tradition will be a good thing, and helping those less fortunate I am sure will keep my mind off my own problems!!

Hugs,

Tammy

[kayc]

Carol Ann,

I'm glad you had a good day. Given enough time, we have good days, bad days, and some just inbetween...I find more and more that most are just inbetween...neither good nor bad, just tolerable, but sometimes good, sometimes bad.

[sunstreet]

Thank you, Tammy. You are right I do deserve to have a good day! When I woke this morning and made a cup of tea and put the tree lights on I cried tears of joy in remembering our life (Melissa and me) The angel on top of the tree was a gift from Melissa the Christmas before she died. Like your Jeff, I remember Melissa's excitement waiting for me to open it and her delight in seeing me put it on top of the tree.

I think you are right on about the fact we have the ability to choose to be miserable or not. I think it takes each one of us a different amount of time to come to this thinking and that is perfectly OK! I am choosing to not be miserable this Christmas and it feels so right. I am going to put up the little village on top of the mantle today.

What a wonderful thing to do with your girls on Christmas Day. Thank you for sharing.

***************

Thank you, kayc. I pray that you find in time that your good days out number the other days. I applaud you for your determination in your journey as you have had a whole lot to heal from. I gain strength and courage from you and the grace with which you move forward in your journey.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[Marion Claire]

I have felt no interest in the holidays this year. Plus our anniversary is the day after Christmas, and it was New Years Eve when our son committed suicide. With Ray gone this year I felt I just couldn't do it. Spent today at one grand daughters with her folks and 2 sisters and their familys. Looked at those wonder people and those 3 little babies all born this year and relized I do still things to be grateful for. Those babies have been my salvation. Ray always loved to decorate for Christmas. He did it all inside and outside. He must have gotten into my head this week, cause I put up the tree and the decorations I kept when I moved and even bought a couple. All I can figure he told me to do it, cause I honestly had no intention of doing anything at all. I know he's happy I did too.

[sunstreet]

I am so very sorry that your son committed suicide. I am happy that you realised you still do have some things for which to be grateful. I am glad the babies have been your salvation. To get the feeling that Ray is happy that you managed the tree and decorations is wonderful.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann