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Last night while driving to the train station to pick up my son, a car came careening out of nowhere, smashed into my car, and then took off. A hit and run. I wasn't hurt, but the shock left me dazed for a moment. By the time I managed to climb out of my car, the driver was gone. The entire left side of my car is completely destroyed and even the door is just hanging by its hinges.

I think I've managed fairly well. I called the police, who of course couldn't do anything, and then went to pick up my son. When I got home I called the insurance company. Today I'll take the car into the shop and get a rental on the insurance.

As I said, I've dealt with this well, I think. But the whole thing has left me feeling even deeper grief. I wanted to come home and get some comfort from my husband. I know exactly how he would have reacted, what he would have said, to make me feel better. Instead I had to continue to the station to pick up my son and tell him about the accident - but in a way that wouldn't make him worry. Then I called a friend, and here I am e-mailing you guys.

Today I feel so utterly alone and lonely. I'm terrified I'm going to be alone the rest of my life - and worry I won't find anyone else who will want me or will want to share a life with me. At the same time, the thought of any other man touching me is repugnant. I just want my husband back.

Melina

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Hi Melina,

I am sorry that happened to you (and your car). Isn't it weird how life continues to do us in even in the throes of our tragedy? It's as though no one or nothing cares that our lives have been totally crushed by our loss, yet bad things happen anyway. It would seem we'd get a pass on life's other problems. However, life goes on, and the world continues to turn. You touched on something that I've thought of, but have not mentioned to anyone, worrying about whether anyone else will want me and if I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone. I just wanted you to know you're not the only one who feels this way. I'm already 52, and feel as though that part of me is gone forever. I can relate to not having your husband there to comfort you...I miss my Clint in the same way. It was nice when he was here to help soothe me when the world served up crap during the day! Just know we're here for you....

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Thanks - I'm also 52. Not young, but not old either. We may have another forty years of life. I hate the thought of forty more years alone. Good to know though that you're all out there with some sympathy and comfort, even if I no longer have my husband here.

Melina

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Melina, I am very sorry that this has happened to you and your car. It feels that loosing our loved one should be enough. Life although seems to keep happening and giving us challenges to face alone. I understand and relate to that feeling of deeper grief by not having your husband there to comfort you. I am so sorry Melina. I am finding though that each new challenge that comes that I have to face alone is becoming easier and I feel Melissa's spirit near to me.

I also am 52 and also worry that I might not find another or that they would even want me. You are not alone with this worry Melina. I am so sorry that any of us have to think on this at all. I am sorry you are feeling utterly alone and lonely Melina. I can relate to that.

We are here for you Melina, we listen, we care and we understand.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Melina, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I had a hit and run happen to my car once on Christmas Eve, I had my kids with me. They caught her and asked me if I wanted to press charges but let me know she was a single mom with kids...tried to lay it on me so of course I didn't, and you know she never did pay for the damages to my car. I spared her going to jail and her kids going into foster care on Christmas Eve and she couldn't even pay the stinkin' damages?!

It's at times like this we wish we had our spouse to be there with us through it all, but you handled it well and you're going to survive everything.

I'm 58, I think there's quite a few of us in our fifties here. We aren't old yet...just feel it at times. (((hugs))) :wub:

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Hi Melina,

I'm so sorry about your car accident, and I'm also sorry that it has magnified your loneliness. It's funny how just having your loved ones arms wrapped around you would magically make things seem so much better. Oh how I miss that!!

"I'm terrified I'm going to be alone the rest of my life - and worry I won't find anyone else who will want me or will want to share a life with me. At the same time, the thought of any other man touching me is repugnant. I just want my husband back." I can totally relate to this as well......I am 39 years old and being alone just plain sucks. My husband had stage 4 cancer so we knew it was most likely going to take his life....and one night as we were falling asleep he wrapped his arms tight around me and asked me to promise him that if anything happened to him that I would find somebody that treated me like a princess - that he wanted me to be happy and wanted me to know that. Of course I was reduced to tears - and when I could finally speak I asked him how I would ever find a man that could hold a candle to him. It wouldn't be fair to another man....because I would be constantly comparing him to Jeff.

More unchartered territory.....but I guess like everything else, we'll figure it out?

Hugs,

Tammy

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Hi ladies, looks like I'm the oldest here at 62. I can relate to the wondering if I'll be alone the rest of my life. Part of me never wants to let another man into my life, and part of me wants to be cared for. And knowing that I don't want the extra baggage that comes with another relationship (you know, comparing him to Don, but he also would be comparing me to another also). I also just want my husband back. I feel the worst when something happens, like what happened to you Melinda. What a lousy person to hit and run. You did excellent in handling the accident, give yourself a high five for not breaking down. Wish I could help more.

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Well, Ladies, I am 65, and I can totally relate to this. I also wonder if anyone will ever want to take me out, or have any interest in me. I don't want to remarry, or even have a serious relationship. I cannot imagine ever being with anyone but Michael. However, I do get lonely, and dread the years ahead if I am totally alone. Melina, so sorry about your car, but you handled it very well. I do understand what you mean about missing having someone to comfort you, and make you feel better. I don't really want anyone else, but at the same time, I don't want to be alone.....and then I feel guilty for even thinking I could be in any kind of relationship with anyone else. Good to know I am not alone in these feelings.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

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I don't really want anyone else, but at the same time, I don't want to be alone.....and then I feel guilty for even thinking I could be in any kind of relationship with anyone else. Good to know I am not alone in these feelings.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkansas

I also end up feeling guilty for even thinking about a new relationship or another man at all. We never talked about the possibility of my husband dying and leaving us - apart from the day he was diagnosed with cancer. He wanted life - he wanted to think positively and I supported him in this. But I remember once years ago when we were younger and relatively care-free about the future, we once talked about what the other would do if one of us died. I said I would never want anyone else. And he replied that he wouldn't like to spend the rest of his life alone, so he'd probably find someone new. I threw a pillow at him, I think - (just in fun). But with that memory in mind, I think that if the opportunity were to arise at some point, I might try it. I sometimes wonder if it would be easier to be in a relationship with a widower who's had the same experiences, the same hesitancy. But right now I can't imagine another man.

Anyway - thanks so much everyone for comforting words about the accident. I got the car to the shop and have a rental car. And I managed the whole thing without tears (apart from those I shed when I got home).

Melina

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