Too Many Deaths In 2 Months

[Teddy and Toby's mom]

I don't know where to begin. I am so lost. After 11 years together I lost my partner on August30. Just a week later my brother-in-law was killed in a motorcycle accident. That same day I had to put down my 15 year old dog and 2 months later the other dog. It hurts so bad, does it ever stop? I feel so alone.

[kayc]

Four losses in such a short time is a bit much. Losing your partner would be a stretch by itself. I am so sorry you are going through so much at once. You have found a good site here with a lot of people going through similar things. Keep posting, it helps to get it out. You say you lost your brother-in-law, is that your sister's husband or your partner's brother? I just wondered if you have anyone around that is understanding and caring of your situation right now.

[wmjsca]

I am sorry for your losses, and all in such a short period of time. This forum has been of great support and hope for me and I believe it will help you through your grief journey. I do hope you have family or friends to lean on for support as well. Keep posting...the only way to deal with it is to go with the feelings. Let us know how you're doing.

[Teddy and Toby's mom]

My sister's husband was killed 7 days after Sheryl died. Two Saturday's in a row we had funerals.Sis has told me it looked like I was in a trance while I was there. I remember every sight, smell and sound of Sheryl's funeral, but am a total blank for my brother-in-law. I know I flew home but everything while I was there is gone. The same day Dave was killed, I put Teddy my 15 year old poodle down. His brother, Toby was so traumatized by everything going on that he went downhill rapidly and now he is gone. No family here but I talk to my sister frequently. She is OK, she seems to be dealing well while I am a total mess. How can I get so mad that it makes the pain go away?

[Perkins808]

I am so sorry that you are joining "the club that no one wants to be a member of".....but you are welcome here, and you will find that although you may feel like you are losing your mind, that you may not be dealing with things the way you should, that you are a "mess", let me assure you, you are none of the above.

Everyone grieves in their own way, so be careful not to gauge how you are doing by how your sister is handling things. Grief has been likened to "waves" crashing ashore and dissipating - it could just be that your sister's "tide" schedule is just different then yours.

A lot of us have gone through the numb stage.....it's kind of like you are on autopilot. I think it's your body's way of protecting you from the pain when you are really not ready to process it. A lot of us have gone through the anger stage....it's not fair to have to endure such pain and of course we lash out. A lot of us have gone through the overwhelming sadness stage.....where all we can do is cry, every picture brings sadness, every thought is a memory that only brings pain. I say "a lot" and not "all" of us because I want you to know that you will not deal with things exactly the way someone else does, it is your grief and you have to do what works for you.

My husband died almost 4 1/2 months ago - his story is on my profile page. It was completely overwhelming, but when I look back to where I was when he first died....and where I am now, I do see some changes. Grief is a long and grueling process, but I do smile, I do laugh and I do try to go about my life the way Jeff wanted me to.

Take things one day at a time.....one moment at a time when you need to. Come here whenever you need to and know that no one here judges. We all have such very different stories.... but we are tied together by the grief we all share.

Hugs to you,

Tammy

[Guest NancyL]

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your partner, then the additional loved ones in your life. We're here for you, just write whatever you want.

[sunstreet]

I am just so very sorry for all your loss in such a short time. My heart aches for you. I too suffered a lot of loss but not in such a short time frame as yourself. Mine was all in a four year period. My Partner's suicide, my Sister's suicide, my Brother's suicide, my Father's death from Alzheimer's, my 19 year old cat, my 5 year old cat. I want to acknowledge your courage in posting here. It is a safe place to come with whatever you need to say. I know it hurts so bad, I am so sorry. Does it stop? I believe it get's transformed into something that does not render us dysfunctional any longer. For me it has not gone away but time has eased the pain to something that I can carry without weeping. I know you feel so alone. It is a horrible place to be and for myself coming here has been instrumental for me to not feel so alone with it all.

I try to think of this journey much like the ocean, sometimes it is invloved in a raging storm, with waves so massive and other times, it is calm, and then other times it's wavy but the waves are not so massive. I try to think of my pain when it comes as a wave, and I comfort myself with the image that eventually all waves reach shore and dissipate.

Welcome, and I encourage you to keep coming here as it is a great bunch of people, all with are own unique journey's but the pain is similar for all of us. It is safe, you will not be judged.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[Teddy and Toby's mom]

I am so sorry for the losses you have experienced. I can't imagine where or how to begin after a loved one commits suicide. That has to be just awful. Yes, thank you for the courage to post here. You are indeed a brave person.

I went to the doctor this morning. I am having panic attacks. He said I am the 10th person in 3 days to come in with that complaint. Tis the season! I can't bring myself to put up decorations. That has always been a topic of stress in our household for the past 10 years. Her mom lived with us and starting about Halloween we heard daily Bah Humbug I hate Christmas. Her husband was killed in an auto accident on Dec 1. That was about 25-30 years ago and she still goes into a major depression. She is clinically depressed and refuses any treatment, just take it out on us. So anyhow........ no matter what I did as far as decorating she had to make snide remarks. One year I slammed the lid back on the box, took it back in the attic and didn't do one darn thing for Christmas. So the household has never had a really joyous Christmas. She would come out to exchange gifts, be all smiley then back to her bedroom.

And that was fine by me. Sheryl and I had a tradition that started by accident. Our first Christmas together we both hid a small present under the others pillow. From then on we exchanged one small present in the privacy of our bedroom around midnight. It got to be funny, each one trying to act like there wasn't a present there and go to sleep. Some years she gave me the Svwaroski snowflake, other years I got the snowflake in our exchange. I have 10 snowflakes, one for each year. Then I walked into Costco and there was a big display of this years snowflake. I nearly dropped to my knees. I picked up the package, shaking so hard I was afraid I would drop it. I don't know how long I stood there, but I finally decided to put it in the cart. I am going to wrap the package real pretty and put it under her pillow. Then at midnight I will open it up, with our traditional mug of hot cocoa on the nightstand. This will be snowflake number 11. I just want to keep one tradition that I had with Sheryl.

I hope to continue this thru the years. To keep her memory with me.

This is too long I know, but there is no one to keep her memory alive except me and I don't want her to become a forgotten soul.

[Chrissie]

First let me say, I'm very sorry for the loss you have have gone through, but I'm very glad you found this site. It has helped me through so much. Everyone here understands and cares. You never have to be afraid to express yourself and just tell it like it is! Come here often and remember we are all here for you!!

Chris

[sunstreet]

Teddy and Toby's mom,

Thank you for your empathy. We are all brave people here, I am only one of them, you are too. I am sorry that you are having panic attacks. I use to so I know how that is for you. I had to get professional help for mine. I am sorry that Sheryl's Mom made life difficult by not addressing her depression. I am sorry that Christmas was not a joyful time. I am happy for you though that you do have the lovely traditon that you and Sheryl shared each Christmas, thank you for sharing that with us all. In the beginning I was afraid that I would loose memories of our life together. For me, in this journey, as time has passed, my memories have only become more clear and defined. Sheryl will not become a forgotten soul, because she has you, and you have shared her with us here.

Please don't every worry about how long, how much you need to say...it is OK....we are all here....right along with you on this journey.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann