sweetpea Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I am new to this so here goes.. I just lost my mom 11-5-2010.. My family is a mess over this. Everyone is hurting and no one to help. I don't know what to do..Holidays were awful everyone cried so much. How does everyone cope? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
niamh Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 I'm so sorry for the loss of your dear Mom sweetpea. I wish I had words of comfort for you but I don't think they exist. All I can say is be so very kind and gentle with yourself. I take it all mostly one minute at a time. I hope you will know that you are not as alone with your feelings as you might think and feel right now.while we all grieve differently in our own unique way just as our relationships with our parents were unique to us,there are some things we can each relate to each other. We are here to listen and share with you.I'm so sorry you've become part of this club none of us ever wanted. Sending love hugs and peace to you Niamh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2sweetgirls Posted December 29, 2010 Report Share Posted December 29, 2010 Oh Sweetpea, I am so sorry for the loss of your dear mom. It has only been a bit over a year since mom died and only a bit over 2 months since dad died. Pretty much numbness is what has carried me through. I agree with Niamh, minute by minute it how is has to be dealt with. The holidays are awful. Crying is a good thing to get out the emotion. I'm so sorry I don't have any better advice. I wish I did for all our sakes. Anyway, please know that we are all here for the same reasons - loss of a loved one. It has been a comfort to me to know that I am not going crazy and that someone else, anyone, has felt similarly. Peace to you today, tomorrow and always. 2sweetgirls Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grace10 Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Dear Sweetpea, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. My mother has been gone less than three months now. How does one cope? Nothing is easy. Allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling does help. Crying really is healing. Its messy, but having your family to cry with will help all of your heal the pain. Thinking how your mother is at peace now and with loved ones on the other side helps. Maybe she was in pain before she passed on. Just keep coming here and writing and responding. It really helps. You are not alone. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted December 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Thank you for your kind words. It helps.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted December 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Niamh, Thank you This is so hard..I miss her so much. She lived next door to me and just to see her house everyday makes me cry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted December 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 grace10, I am sorry for your loss too. So hard to lose the most important person in your life.. I miss her dearly..Use to have coffee with her a few times a week, just lived next door to me.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathy61 Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can give you comfort. At least not now. You have to greive and grieving is so hard, but grieving is part of the healing process. I remember it sucking the breath right out of me. There is a huge hole in your heart right now and in everyone in your family. Sometimes I would cry like a baby and other times I would get so angry that I would lash out at everyone around me. It has been two and a half years since my mom passed and it took time, but now I can at least live my life again and not feel like I am walking through a tunnel. You will never stop missing her or longing to see her again. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of my mom, sometimes I smile and sometimes I cry. I was close to my mother too. I saw or talked to her every day. I took her to her medical appointments and to the store and often to visit her friends. She was my best friend. She was my biggest fan. She was always so proud of all of my accomplishments. She could encourage me when I was down and she could scold me when I needed it even as an adult. Right now you probably feel lost. It's feels so strange not having a mother with me anymore. I remember reading somewhere that someone said it's like being an adult orphan. I can tell you that even though you cannot see her, she will be with you from time to time. I do feel my mother with me at times and its a comfort. The best thing that you can do for you is to cry when you need to, be angry when you need to. Let your family do whatever you need done. Let them comfort you when you need it. They want and need to be part of this. Don't try to shut up your emotions or shut your family out. This is a hard time for everyone involved. You will get through this although it doesn't seem possible right now, let yourself grieve and it will pull you to the other side. I remember saying, actually in this forum, that I wanted to get to the point that I could look at pictures of her again and be able to smile or laugh and not cry. Most of the time I can do that now, but it took time and it will for you too. Be good to yourself and do what you need to do to get through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beakerj Posted December 30, 2010 Report Share Posted December 30, 2010 Dear Sweetpea, I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Mum 9 days after you lost yours. I'm still in that daze, & wondering how everyone copes too....I've found a lot of help here. I find crying helpful, as it's genuine & real & fitting in the circumstances. I'm also finding the one day at a time (or as a friend of mine here in England says, one cup of tea at a time)approach really helpful, consciously applying that. Can you find people to help? Are there local bereavement counsellors? Have you read any books etc - there's a book list on here ... All I wanted to say really was that you're not alone, & that finding a way through will be a group effort. Hugs, Becka XXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaN Posted January 2, 2011 Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 My mom left me on 12/17/10. I feel your pain. I cry every day. She lived with me so I have constant reminders of her everywhere I look. I can't even plan a memorial service. I am at a lose. My husband is really my only outlet to discuss my grief. Many times when I am home, I just go in her room and think about her. I can't believe she is gone. Why? I ask myself a million questions over and over. I have attended the group counseling session and will continue in the future. I also have one-on-one counseling. It is very helpful. I just think it will take you and me time to come to terms with our loss. I'm still in denial and shock. I am so sorry for your loss, too. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Kathy61, Thank you for your kind words. Everyone on here has helped me so much.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Becka, Sorry for your loss too. My family is so out of control right now, anger is where they are now, lash out at everything. There is 11 of us and it has been so hard...Sometimes I feel like I just want to crawl under a rock.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 2, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 Lisa, Thank you and I am sorry for your loss too. I am so hurt by soem of the things my family is doing so much anger..I miss mom and we all knew this was gonna happy. Just hurts even more,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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