Dimcl Posted January 2, 2011 Report Share Posted January 2, 2011 I've had what I call a "brain problem" in the 2 months since Glenn died. I know that this awful, horrible, thing has happened. I know all the gory details, right down to obtaining a copy of the hospital records setting out what happened the night he died. 99% of my brain recognizes this and accepts it. There's 1% of my brain, however, that keeps saying "This isn't real", "This can't be true", "This is a nightmare that I'll wake up from". I find myself standing in the middle of a room, shaking my head and saying to myself, "This isn't true, this didn't happen". Tonight, I was speaking with a family member who said that part of my frustration is that I seem to be fighting with myself, and I had to acknowledge that this is true. Then, later in the conversation, he asked me if I had changed anything in the house. When I asked what he meant, he said, "Have you moved any of Glenn's things?". I admitted that I hadn't, and he asked "Why?". My answer was that if I did, things wouldn't seem "normal". He didn't pursue it, but after I hung up, I got thinking that perhaps seeing Glenn's glasses on his nightstand, seeing his slippers on the floor, seeing his shoes under the bench in the entry, seeing his coats in the closet, is what's keeping that 1% of my brain from acknowledging his death. To be honest, I think I'd feel guilty, I'd feel like I'm betraying my darling man, but I know that's an illogical emotion, and I really wonder if just slowly putting things away (I certainly wouldn't get rid of anything at this juncture), would help me get past that little bit of denial. My question is this: Has anyone else experienced this aspect of denial and, if so, did it go away upon putting your loved ones things away? Did you feel guilty? Was it terribly difficult? How long did you wait to do this? Any advice is most appreciated, because I want to be sure of myself before I make a decision. Thanks to you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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