Lost My Fience'

[kayc]

Oh yes, there are things we hung on to and did not let go of and that is okay, we don't need to. I still have my husband's fishing vest and hat and always will.

[Lainey]

Martina, I believe that Lars was aware who was in the room even when he went into the deep sleep two days before he died.

Certain people in life made him agitated, the times they were in the room ,he would turn his head, try to move arms and legs. When I or the children and g/babies were there he was much calmer and his vitals were more normal.

I don't really want to know what went on when I had to be away, I carry enough heart breaking memories already.

The forgetfulness and not sleeping or eating are normal in the beginning.It does eventually get better.

Lainey

[mfh]

I relate to everything you have all said on this board. I know Bill had rough times in the hospital. they kept telling me they felt they would see improvements until one doctor finally said, he is dying. I got Hospice and took him home and he died 5 days later at home. But his hospital stay was awful and i regret even admitting him but thought it would help. I did not know he was so close to death and was told they could help up to the last minute. He was so agitated one day they took the bed out of his room and put the mattress on the floor. Where was my brain that I did not pack him up and take him home right then?

I sleep erratically also...as do so many of you. Let's face it, we are the ones who get it. The charade was so well stated. I feel like I am always faking it...I smile at a lunch with someone and cry all the way home. Close friends know but seldom ask anymore. I have to bring it up and of course hesitate to do so.

I am reading a book (I have devoured about 30 grief books) called Sacred Grief. It is about allowing our grief process to be sacred i.e. honored, respected...as long as it takes. It is very helpful to me.

[Dimcl]

He was seeing things, and imagining old friends from school being in his room. A few times he saw black snakes, but it was the cord from the TV hanging down some.

I wonder why the nurses didnt tell you those things that Glenn did? Do you think they were trying to not worry you or something? Did you find out why they never mentioned any of that?

Glenn said the odd thing to me that didn't make sense, and he did point out what he thought was a caterpillar on the ceiling, but I just took it to be the after-effects of the anesthetic.

As for why the nurses didn't tell me this stuff, I have no idea. I thought about contacting them, but after 2+ months, I figured it would be just as well to let sleeping dogs lie. I just want somebody to be angry at, and knowing that they were too busy or too thoughtless or too "whatever", will only serve to aggravate me.

[martina]

Glenn said the odd thing to me that didn't make sense, and he did point out what he thought was a caterpillar on the ceiling, but I just took it to be the after-effects of the anesthetic.

As for why the nurses didn't tell me this stuff, I have no idea. I thought about contacting them, but after 2+ months, I figured it would be just as well to let sleeping dogs lie. I just want somebody to be angry at, and knowing that they were too busy or too thoughtless or too "whatever", will only serve to aggravate me.

[martina]

David would say so many off the wall things. But his ammonia level was so high, and his fluids were building up all through out his body. The Dr said it was normal in his condition to act like that. When David first got to the hospital which was nov 22, the first 2 weeks seemed positive, they even talked about when he was to go home. We got our hopes up. I even have a video of David talking to the nurse and he was asking when he could go home, and the nurse was saying "when you get done with all your medication then you can go home, but you have to stop wandering around, do you understand?" And David just looked at her for a few seconds and said "Not really". I treasure that video, but its so sad because he wanted to come back home so bad.

Toward the end, when they said he was terminal,was just a shock to us all. It went from he's coming home, to he's dying.

Some of the nurses,mainly the ones on the night shift were very rude. When he was a few days from death,sleeping in a very unconscious state, one of the nurses started shaking him hard, and I was like, what do you think you're doing? And she said, I need to check to see if he's responsive to get his vitals. And oh boy, it was on, I sent her out of the room and told her supervisor.

And yes,I also was angry,angry and sad and all those emotions just coming to the surface. How dare her try to shake him! I wanted to scream, "get your paws off my man,he's dying, let him die in peace".

In thinking back, Im sure they have seen people dying so many times it doesn't phase them anymore and they do become cold to it. But thats no excuse to be rude.