abergsma Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Usually losts to do during the week but the weekends are so long and lonely. No one seems to bother anymore it is almost 4 months since I lost my husband. Why do they leave us alone (our family and friends? I just heard "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion and cried once again.. It is so lonely! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I often wonder why people don't seem to bother anymore. I don't get calls and his family has totally abandoned me. My own family is dysfunctional, but I have reconnected to one of my brothers and he calls me. The weekends are very lonely, and I have noticed that the most disressful time of day is dusk. I don't know why, but when the day ends and night begins I am most lonely. I always enjoyed that time of day because Clint and I seemed to always come together during the night and I always felt so loved. I have managed to figure out how to occupy my time during the day, but the night has always been a challenge. I have just resigned myself to the fact that life has gone on for everyone else and they must think I've gone on as well. No one really discusses Clint's death with me anymore, although I still speak of him often with anyone who will listen. I guess they got tired of my sadness and I got the impression they were beginning to think I should just move on and just forget it. I almost feel guilty about still discussing his death and the events which led to it. I just can't get it out of my mind. I am still in shock about some aspects of the whole situation. I have decided to talk with my therapist and grief support group because they, at least, will listen. I am seeing my therapist weekly now, so it gives me an outlet. It doesn't help much at home, though. I guess I'll just have to rely on my faith and time to continue my progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I agree weekends are so tough, especially Sundays. Bill and I saved Sundays for us...movie, drive in the country, read books at the book store, whatever....it was our day. And yes, people have moved on. I have been here all day alone. I usually plan to do something on Sunday but today I opted to stay put. It has been silent except for the tv. It is hard for me to remember that this loss happened to me, not to anyone else. Their lives did not change. I am no longer first in anyone's life. They either have someone who is first or if they are alone, they have a lifestyle. We are all trying to figure out a new lifestyle, a new normal and doing it against our wills when we are exhausted and grieving. It is just plain lonely. There is no way around it. I am hoping to get my dog certified to visit hospitals so I can do that on Sundays...help me and help patients but I am just at the beginning of that trek and find myself having to push myself these days. Starting a new year is tough. We are all in the same boat...at least we have that consolation. mfh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicholas Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Every day is difficult if you are self-employed and work from home as I do - I wish I could go out to a job, but then I'd have to return to an empty home anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chrissie Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I agree that nights and weekends are the worst. After almost a year I still cry on my way from home from work. The nights and weekends were our time together. We couldn't go out much the last few months but just staying home, enjoying each others company was ok with us. I sure do miss that!! Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Hi I lost my mother and it is the same here no one wants to talk about it anymore. It isnt over for me tho. If anyone would like to talk I am here anytime.. I will help if I can Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Usually losts to do during the week but the weekends are so long and lonely. No one seems to bother anymore it is almost 4 months since I lost my husband. Why do they leave us alone (our family and friends? I just heard "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion and cried once again.. It is so lonely! I am sorry for your loss, If you ever need to talk I am here.. Candy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I agree that nights and weekends are the worst. After almost a year I still cry on my way from home from work. The nights and weekends were our time together. We couldn't go out much the last few months but just staying home, enjoying each others company was ok with us. I sure do miss that!! Chris Chris, I am sorry for your loss and if you ever need to talk I am here. Candy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 I agree that nights and weekends are the worst. After almost a year I still cry on my way from home from work. The nights and weekends were our time together. We couldn't go out much the last few months but just staying home, enjoying each others company was ok with us. I sure do miss that!! Chris Chris I am here if you ever want to talk. Candy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Every day is difficult if you are self-employed and work from home as I do - I wish I could go out to a job, but then I'd have to return to an empty home anyway. HI nicholas I am self employed also lost my mother it is really hard. I am on here if you ever need to talk Candy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 10, 2011 Report Share Posted January 10, 2011 Nights and weekends used to be unbearably lonely...I've gotten rather used to being alone now though. I don't know why family and friends disappear as they seem to, but I guess their lives are full and maybe they don't know what to say. One of the things I've learned in going through this is if I have a friend who has lost their spouse, I don't need to say anything, just be there, just listen, care, give them a hug, it all helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deb625 Posted January 13, 2011 Report Share Posted January 13, 2011 Usually losts to do during the week but the weekends are so long and lonely. No one seems to bother anymore it is almost 4 months since I lost my husband. Why do they leave us alone (our family and friends? I just heard "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion and cried once again.. It is so lonely! It is so lonely when everyone goes back to their own lives,understandable, but lonely. I said to my girlfriend the other day (a catholic) that it is too bad we don't wear "black" for a year like women did in the old days - and by wearing black everyone just respected you were in mourning.In the world today, it seems we are meant to simply "get over it", not have "time" to get through it. I am blessed as I do have the love and support of many friends and family who still listen and help me through, but the focus seems to be on the "what are you doing to fix it". My one friend says he'll listen for 2 years max and then he's done (I'm only at 7 1/2 months so I've a while to go...) I do try to "live" and try to keep moving forward, but the efforts made are in a fog and are really just putting one foot in front of the other hoping the days pass. I have recently gone through all my "firsts" (his b'day, mine, our anniversry, Halloween, Christmas and New Years - every event came a "crash" of emotion that left me immobilized. I feel I have a reprieve as nothing else is coming up until the anniversary of his death in May. I don't know if I've even reconciled my Michael is really gone (though logically I know he is). It is hard as I know in my heart he would want me to live, but I can honestly say I haven't felt "alive" since he was here with me. I'm optimistic and think "this too shall pass", and try to be gentle with myself. So it's okay that for now it is just to keep one foot in front of the other learning how to live this new life alone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted January 15, 2011 Report Share Posted January 15, 2011 Oh how I so hear and understand all your collective pain. I want to encourage you all that in time, how much time I can't say, I only know that time is your best friend right now and the pain becomes less heavy, less palpable, and life is again someting that seems like you want to engage in again. ((((HUGS)))) Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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