Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

I Have To Let My Motorcycle Go.


Recommended Posts

I have to let my motorcycle go and I am weeping like a baby knowing it is time. I have known it was coming. I did not expect to feel as I do. I feel my soul is being ripped right out of my body. Some may think why is she posting about a bike! My bike represents freedom to me! Melissa and I went on so many trips! I feel like I am loosing the very essence of me!

My health, my hearing just won't allow me to safely ride any longer! I know I must give it up for my safety, the safety of others. To be without my bike, is to be without air to breathe. It is so hard to face all the challenges without Melissa here to hold me, to console me.

How many times can I pick up the pieces and keep going? I just don't want to acknowledge it is time to let it go! I feel like bit by bit my life is slipping away and just when I truly want to fly again. I feel Melissa weeping with me, I feel her presence always, but sometimes I just long to be held again. Sometimes, I just don't want to be the strong courageous woman that I am. I want to put all that down and just be held now.

I am so sorry if this drags anyone down.....

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh Carol Ann I understand your pain. Freedom is the essence of our being, I want you to know that my heart aches for you. You are not alone in feeling grief over the loss of freedom. I wish I could say something that would help you to feel better, but... Just know that we will all be here for you. God Bless You!

Rachel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Carol Ann,

I love motorbikes...my husband would grieve terribly if he had to let his go. I'm so sorry that this is where things are at. Really awful, especially because of all the memories involved. I'm confident you'll make it through this, but it's hateful you have to feel so sad again.

But it's the right decision if you're really not healthy enough, your instincts for caring for others & yourself are totally right. But I know I'm preaching to the converted here. Does the bike actually have to go? You can't keep it as a momento?

I wish this had not had to happen for you, & that you find a kind friend with a sidecar.

Big hugs,

Becka XXX

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all so very much for acknowledging my pain last evening. The weight of my burdens last evening just felt too heavy. I am so grateful to be able to come here and bear my soul and have it be heard, validated, understood and supported. There is always someone up on this board smile.gif

My bike is something that was a HUGE part of my life with Melissa. I suppose with the recent parole hearing just served to cause me to feel my loss of Melissa strongly again. Melissa loved to ride on the back of my bike. We went on so many trips together. I have all those wonderful memories to cherish and carry forward forever.

I suppose only a fellow bike enthusiast can relate to the impact it is having on me to not ride mine anymore. I have thought on it a great deal today. I want to find a new owner for my bike. I want it to live on and keep travelling for as long as it can. This to me is the only option as to me in some sense my life with Melissa will live on too; if my bike is out there in the world travelling. The task and the great challenge for me will be to find the right person.

In any event, I am feeling like I can take all my burdens back again now and continue on. Thank you all who replied as I feel that HUG I so needed. Thank you so very much.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Carol Ann,

I think if you polled people who ride, and asked them to narrow down to a single word what riding meant to them, the word would be precisely the one you mentioned--Freedom. I capitalized the word on purpose, because I think that reflects the importance riding has to motorcycle owners. I stopped riding years ago when I was quite young because I just didn't have good sense on a bike; it was a survival instinct--I became a complete idiot while on a motorcycle to be truthful. And, I agree--there isn't anything that is the same as riding. But, Carol Ann you will find something--or things that help fill the void.

While nothing will feel just like riding your motorcycle, there is a world full of experiences open to you, and I am sure with your worldview you will find satisfaction. For instance, in the future, I wouldn't at all be surprised to see you on the Oprah Winfrey Network talking about a book you have written.:D To emerge from the challenges you've experienced in your life with your generous, kind disposition and wisdom offers a practical guarantee that you should share your vision. It's true that certain objects and experiences become iconic in our lives, and the loss of them while being an end, does not have to be only that. It can signal--even fuel a genesis or new beginning as well, especially for someone with your life experiences, challenges, and ultimately victories. You have an uncommon gift--please continue to share it.

I am sending you a late, spirit filled hug and a message of hope--Carol Ann: Your freedom resides along with Melissa in your heart, mind and spirit, the bike merely represented it. ~ Steve

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Steve,

Thank you so much for your support and understanding. I find I have so much greiving that I do in regards to the anticipartory losses in my life and my bike has been a very instrumental piece in my ability to cope with all that anticipated loss. When I am on my bike, I forget that my hearing loss is slowly progressing. I forget that the effects of being a type 1 diabetic for so very many years is taking it's toll on my body. I forget that I live with lupus. I forget that I struggle to make ends meet each month. I forget it all and I feel Melissa right there with me and my heart soars! I feel free!

Thank you for your encouragement that I will find things to fill the void. At present I am hard pressed to think of anything that would suffice, or compare. I will promise to give it great thought though. I don't see the wonderful world of experiences out there that you reference. I certainly don't see myself on the Oprah Winfrey Network but I thank you for seeing me there. I will be finishing my book though, of that I am sure.

Your freedom resides along with Melissa in your heart, mind and spirit, the bike merely represented it.

Thank you for this statement! I had not thought of my bike as being the representation of freedom before and I love the thought of freedom residing along with Melissa in my heart, mind, and spirit. Thank you so much!

Thank you for the spirit filled hug and I offer you one back.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...