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Stupid Anxieties About Everything...


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Hi, it's me again. It's now 8 weeks since my Mum died, & I have been doing better in lots of ways. I'm eating again, & have driven a bit & stuff...my meds have definitely kicked in & are making me feel more 'normal'.

I do have a significant history of anxiety, pre my Mum's death, I would describe myself as a recovering sufferer of 'panic disorder with avoidance', that is: avoids going places/getting into situations in which I might have a panic attack but can't get out etc.But was well enough to be working,15 hours a week as a Youth Worker & getting on with normal life etc. My anxiety levels have obviously been hugely high since my Mum died, especially since my faith (Christian) took a massive & unexpected hit through all this, with a lot of fears about God not really being good & so on.

At the moment I'm having all sorts of weird thoughts popping into my head, & all sorts of stupid anxieties on my mind - a good example of this is worrying I'm pregnant (which I don't want to be) despite using protection properly (aaargh, TMI, so sorry), & it being a good few weeks before I could take a test. It seems like anything with a risk, i.e. husband drives off to work, dog makes weird coughing noise, brother takes plane to Australia, makes my nervous system react totally out of proportion & I have to work really hard to divert myself. I just feel like a loon, it seems like that any subject that comes up, something in my brain has to push it & probe it to see where there's something to be anxious about. I know I still feel sensitised to the ordinary world, sad & bad things just leap out at me, & I can't watch or read the things I usually would.

Does anyone else know what I'm talking about? It's hard enough dealing with other things without my forever getting my knickers in a twist over every possible risk...

Thanks for listening again! I'm finding it very very useful just to know you are all out there somewhere.

Big love

Becka XXX

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I do not think your anxieties are "stupid", as you mentioned. You, like I did, lost our mother and there is just that void that was always filled with knowing that mother was there. Its not easy at all. Of course we are more sensitive than usual to things like people going on plane trips. I sometimes feel incredibly alone. One thing that does help me is my faith. Not really anything formal, but just quiet time and reading positive spiritual things. If that took a nosedive for you too, that makes it more difficult and anxiety provoking. Maybe there is a way to reconcile that for you. I just do not see a God as causing anything and see my conception of God as something to go to for connecting with somewhat greater than myself and finding some peace. But, we all have our beliefs. I also have had benefit from relaxation CDs, walking, yoga, and other exercise. Whatever your faith is, I hope you can find some answers and not feel separated from your spirituality and your religion. Take care!

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Dear Becka,

I agree with Grace10 whole heartedly that your anxiety's are not "stupid". In fact, I believe them to be so normal and so understandable. It is still so very new for you. You will be "hypersensitive" to anything right now. I think it to be so normal and part of the greif process. When someone dies, it shakes our whole world, then add to that the person who died was your Mother. It is like the sense of safey you had in the world, suddenly gets ripped right out from under your feet and you are left to learn and figure out how to feel safe again. It will come Becka, it is going to take some time though.

I want to tell you about the following website: www.healthjourneys.com I find guided imagery, a wonderful resource to help me in my journey. There are many different tapes and CD's at this site. Anyhow, wanted to share with you in case you weren't aware and want to try.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

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Hi Becka,

I just want to add a bit to the excellent suggestions our members have already given you.

Over the last twenty years, researchers and clinicians have developed a number of useful tools for coping with anxiety. Such tools are highly effective, practical, efficient, fast-acting and accessible, and work well by themselves and in conjunction with other forms of therapy.

These new therapies include Guided Imagery, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Thought Field Therapy (TFT), Emotional Freedom Technique(EFT), Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAP), Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET), Trauma Incident Reduction (TIR), Imagery Rehearsal Therapy (IRT), Visual Kisesthetic Dissociation (VKD), and Somatic Experiencing (SE), among others. All those choices may seem overwhelming, but I encourage you to read more about them, most especially about the potent tool of guided imagery. A good place to start is on the Alternative Healing page of my Grief Healing Web site, where you will find links to many helpful resources. See these especially:

Reduce Stress and Anxiety by David Illig

Guided Meditations for Help with Anxiety by Belleruth Naparstek

Emotional Freedom Techniques

Guided Imagery or Visualization

12 Ways to Manage Anxiety

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I lost my mom 2 weeks ago and also suffer from overwhelming anxiety.

One of my biggest fears, was losing my mother. Now that it has happened, I'm obsessing about all the other fears I have.

I am under a doctors care for a long term anxiety disorder, but I'm having a hard time.

I've lost 20 lbs. in the the last two months, due to my mom's illness and subsequent death.

Please tell me it gets better over time.

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Chantilly, dear, I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your mother two weeks ago. You say you suffer from a long-term anxiety disorder, and I'm relieved to know that you are under the care of a physician for that, as I'm sure the grief you're experiencing is complicating your anxiety and may be affecting how you're responding to treatment. I hope you've kept your doctor informed about what is going on in your life, as your mother's illness and death are major contributing factors to however you are reacting now. Yours is what would be considered a complicated grief, in the sense that grief alone is difficult enough to deal with, but made even more complicated when accompanied by a pre-existing condition such as this. If you haven't already done so, please make a point to see your physician ~ and certainly alert him (her) to the fact that you've lost so much weight. An adjustment in your medication may be in order. You might also ask for information on whatever "in person" grief resources may be available in your community (your local hospice is a good place to start). You deserve all the help and support you can find to help get you through this, and I wish you all the best in finding it.

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Thank you Marty for taking the time to respond to my post.

I have been in contact with my doctor and my meds have been increased. I'm feeling less anxious and starting to accept the loss of my mom.

I can't believe how many emotions, grief brings out in a person.

I do have a wonderful support system at home and I know I'll get through this.

Thank you for your kind words and advice, it's greatly appreciated.

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