Pointless

[SHeiss]

Lately I have found that I just plain DO NOT CARE! I don’t care about anyone or anything. I find it hard to when there is really no point to life. We all just die. We all end up just a rotting corpse in the ground. We live this life trying to find ourselves or trying to be rich, beautiful or famous when in the end we all are the same… dead. So, what is the point of “living your life to the fullest” and “You only live once” who cares… you end up dying and that is the end of everything for you and everyone that loved you. What is the point of friendships or marriages or children? You just leave them when you die and then they will die too. I am angry I am alive as a human. Life to me is just a tragic waste. I don’t see any point to “Hanging out with friends” or even trying to make children anymore. I feel like I will never be happy again and to be honest, I am not sure that I even care about that. It is kind of like since my dad passed I see everything in a clearer light. Everything as we know it is actually nothing but death. There is death around all of us every day – from the dying plants outside to the dead possum on the side of the road. I never used to think about death but since my dad’s passing it is in my face EVERYDAY! Someone I know has a family member die, someone’s animal is dying, flowers wilt, and people grow old and frail and are close to dying. I am so tired of it.

I have been battling religion with myself lately as I want to believe there is a God and a Heaven and that my dad is not actually just a burned up corpse in a box. I want to believe I will see him again. I have even tried to force this on myself and tried to pray but I feel nothing, I feel stupid and I feel like I am giving myself false hope if any hope at all.

I HATE all cancer commercials. Here is a thought… I don’t care that they saved YOUR loved one. I care that they failed mine. I don’t want to hear about your stupid miracle when I got a tragedy. I hate when my friends or other family members talk about their dads. I just want to scream at them that their dad sucks and maybe a few other obscenities.

I know this is a little out of the “norm” for me but I have just been angsty about everything lately and this is how I am feeling. So, since you understand me I have blabbed it all out and I now feel a little better.

[niamh]

Sharla,

I'm so so sorry for all your pain. I just nod and agree with everything you say,I hear you loud and clear. I only wish I had answers, I wish I knew what this world,this life is all about. I try to talk to my Dad,well complain more like it....I want to be 100% sure he's somewhere but lately it all seems impossible that he can be anywhere so I feel like I'm talking to thin air. I actually wondered today if this life is an extra long game for someone "up there", are we just some dam pawns in a virtual reality game,here for amusement purposes ....sounds a bit nuts I KNOW.

I feel so jealous of everyone with a Dad but none of them do little things like go for a spin to mcdonalds just to have a nice chat with their Dad and I don't have the choice to do it.

When I hear "you only live once" all I think is yeah and I'm done thanks very much,it's pretty over for me so can I please just go catch up with Dad now,there's a year of crap to talk about!!. My heart breaks for my Mom every single day,he should be sitting across from her watching tv,he should be planning weekends away for them.

When I see young kids with their parents especially little girls with their Dads all I think is one day he won't be here with you.

The loneliness is so unbearable at times,Id give anything to hear him,see him,I wish I could rewind.

My Dads brother went to hospital today for a small procedure,he's home now....STILL ALIVE,it made me angry, why did he do better than Dad,why did he get lucky (sounds awful but he sucks at the best of times,nothing like the man my Dad was and it makes me mad)

I wish so much none of us had to deal with this,i have nothing i can write to make you feel better. Just know I'm here thinking same way you do.

sending you a special Daddy girl hug and a ton of love hun,

xoxo

[BellaRosa]

SHeiss, I could not agree MORE with you about those stupid cancer commercials. They feel like a huge slap in the face to me every time I see them. I feel like screaming at the tv sometimes! It feels so unfair that someone else got a miracle cure and my mom didn't.

I also know exactly what you mean about being jealous when other people talk about their dads. When I hear my friends or coworkers complain about their moms, I just can't take it. First of all, I feel like, how dare they talk about their mom in front of me! Don't they know I'm grieving? And then I get angry because they HAVE their moms and have the audacity to COMPLAIN about them! I know this is all totally irrational on my part, but I can't help feeling that way.

[beakerj]

Hey SHeiss,

That death thing? I know EXACTLY what you mean. I never saw stuff or thought that way before at all.

Just wanted you to know it's not just you.

Big hug,

Becka

[nanasbaby]

Im with you on the anger issue...as I listened to all of the stories about the Congresswoman who is recovering...I got angry when I heard all of the phrases I got so used to hearing...ventilator...ICU...breathing on her own..My mother never breathed on her own again..the rehabilitation center did nothing for her..That should have been her story..out of the ICU..into rehab and on her way home...I dont care if she was 83. She had alot more living to do.

Heck Jack LaLanne made it to 96.

[Guest Nicholas]

That is very much the Buddhist philosophy - after the Buddha saw an old man, a sick man and a dead man, he realized that we are all in a state of flux, everything is impermanent and that we are all subject to decay. This may sound depressing, but it is the truth; the only way to escape the cycle of birth, death and rebirth is by Enlightenment and eventually Nirvana. I think my recently deceased son is probably still on his way to his next life.

[2sweetgirls]

I so understand the anger and wanting to throw your clenched fists into the air and just scream "WHY?!!!!"

To whom you are screaming doesn't even matter.

I nodded many times while reading your post.

Try to take care.

2sweetgirls