Country Sunshine Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Does anyone else do this? I tend to WANT to sleep the remainder of my life away. It makes time go by faster and in my mind, that brings me that much closer to being with the Lord and my beloved. Does that makes sense?? Or am I going nutz here... It is so hard to try to stay above the tsunami of emotion that washes over me and makes it nearly impossible to even breathe... Caorlyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 25, 2011 Report Share Posted March 25, 2011 Carolyn, I have a friend that sleeps a lot because she has depression, I think it's common as it's an escapism. Plus in your dreams you might have a chance of seeing him, although that never worked for me. I know it's appealing to think about heaven, etc. because we want to be there and be with our husband again, as well as God, but I also think it's important that we finish living our lives out here too, so it helps to try and stay in the present or we miss what is meant for us to experience in the here and now. That is something that's hard for people to fathom when they are newly in their loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 Dear Carolyn, I suffer from the opposite problem. I subconsciously avoid sleep. When I finally crawl into bed I sleep for a few hours, then pop wide awake. I used to remember my dreams. Now my nights seem dreamless and my days endless. People tell me both wanting to sleep and not being able to sleep are normal for a while after losses like these. If the problem persists, then in either case it becomes a health problem. Because of a family history of addictive personality syndrome the idea of drugs scares me badly. But eventually my need for sleep is going to trump even my fear of addiction if I cannot find another solution. It is why I have gone back to walking--even in the cold and rain and snow. If your desire for sleep has become an ongoing issue, then I think kayc raises an important issue: We are not here to sleep away the time that remains. We need to finish the race as strongly as we can. Yes, a piece of our life has ended--a piece of our soul is gone. But our life is not over. And a piece of our soul remains. Remember the story of the talents the rich man leaves with his servants. Those talents must not remain lodged with us useless, to paraphrase and quote John Milton slightly out of context, lest God returning chide. Find a counselor or a therapist. If you have to take a prescribed drug to get you out of bed--then do it. If regular walking--or some other form of exercise will accomplish the same end--do it. As someone elsewhere on this site wrote, we are alive--and our spouses would not want us to act as the one who is dead. I hope this does not come across too strongly. Depression terrifies me. I have lost too many friends to it over the course of my life--and I have watched too many of my students suffer with it over the course of my career. Yet I know that depression is also very much a part of the process of grief--and that we all have to deal with it in our own way. Every step of the process is different for each of us. But please do not get comfortable with depression. It is a seductive drug that is every bit as dangerous as heroin or cocaine. It will not get us where we want to go--or need to go. Sleep is a good thing in the right quantity. But too much or too little is not. Please take all of this with the love intended. What you have said here worries me. HAP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 Carolyn, It's my experience that when I feel down and am mising Lars that I want to sleep also. Not to dream, just to get past this terrible feeling of sadness and lonliness. When I'm at a better stage, my energy levels come up and I enjoy life again. I truly think this is just another phase of our journey. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country Sunshine Posted March 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 Thank you all. I do think that I may be sinking into depression.. so I have taken up walking... rain, shine, or cold.. not hot though because of my heart issue... When I walk, I tend to talk out loud to Jesus. There is a place that I found next to the creek, and a place for me to get on my knees before the Lord and pray.. the dogs frolic in the creek... and there is where I get really refreshed and renewed.. as if a parent or sibling has taken my hand and lifted me up... But those rainy stormy days... those are the ones that really set me back and I tend to stay in bed long hours. Then when it is again nice, I have to force myself to get up, and get dressed and on out the door. And the meltdowns are so severe... oh my gosh.. they literally take my breath away and I have trouble breathing... My pastor is a grief counselor, but he has way too much on his plate right now for me to even think of asking for his help.. He is bivo and teaches high school math, but will be off for the summer.. so that is when I plan to see him for some help.... I was a 3 pack a day smoker at one time as well as dangerously close to being alcholic, so I am really leary of taking drugs. I do take a low dose Xanax every day though and that tend to help the tension and anxiety quite a lot. Thanks you Hap... I appreciate your words.. and I do take then in the spirit in which you gave them. ((((( Hap ))))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 Just a thought as I too grieve...one year tomorrow. Why not let the pastor decide if he/she has time to meet with you? I send peace to you. MFH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Nicholas Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 I have been on sleeping tablets since my son died, but have been on anti-depressants and tranquilizers as long as I can remember. I force myself to get up in the mornings, otherwise I will just lie in bed and feel awful, as well as achieve nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daughter2010 Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 In the early stages of grief it is difficult for us to be able to see or understand what is meant for us to experience in this life. But as KayC said, sleeping can be an escapism. Taking those walks and praying will help you too. The Lord Jesus said to come to Him with our burdens and He will give us rest. In my times of prayer all I could do was cry and cry and cry, but I know the Lord is there with me. When I think of my father not being here, I think of him being immersed in joy of being Home. We can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us. Your husband will want you to carry on, I understand it is difficult but keep that thought in mind. Big hug, -L Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DVLocker Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 Caorlyn not only do I sleep when I am not working I get physically ill on the weekends. I work from 6AM to 4PM and sleep from 7PM to 4AM. On Friday night I get home and become sick until Monday morning. I have learned to force myself to do things on the weekend sick or not. I know its all in my head and have to work past being so lonely on the weekends. Like everyone has told me little steps. Saturday mornings I get up and when I start feeling so alone I jump in my truck and drive anywhere but here. It seems HOME is where I have the hardest time. Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
west Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 I know how you are feeling, but we must keep on going because that is what your beloved would want. It is hard and you can do it; find happiness in little things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAP Posted March 26, 2011 Report Share Posted March 26, 2011 Dear Carolyn, I slept last night for what feels like the first time since my wife went into the hospital. And i dreamed for the first time in ages as well. Amazing what a single night of real sleep has done for me. I feel almost human. I don't remember most of the dreams--only that one woke me up at 3:30 a.m. But for once I went straight back to sleep. But I remember the last one--for all that it was very short: I dreamed I woke up to a hummingbird in the house. It was floating just inches from my face--and neither of us seemed frightened. Then i really woke up to such a sense of peace that I have not felt since before she had the H1N1 in October of 2009. And that peace has remained all day. I went to her grave today to put a container of daffodils and pansies I had made up by the stone. Even there I felt a level of peace that was otherworldly. I know this will not last. Even as I write this I am tearing up a little--though even these tears feel different somehow. I do know there is grief yet to get through--but for today, I will take this blessing. May you find an equal peace and balance--if only for a few minutes--very soon. mfh has a good thought: let your pastor decide whether he is too busy. You need the help now. Waiting is unwise. Let him do his work. Consider yourself embraced. HAP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Country Sunshine Posted March 27, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2011 Today was a bit better.. I spent the day pretty much downstairs sorting through a lot of boxes and Christmas Ornaments. I found a lady that wants to buy what I don't wish to keep. So, she will end up getting about 3/4 of them.. All I want are a few for the tree and the mantle. My neice called and we talked for quite awhile.. and she said she would call me again tonight. She has called every day since Bob died... what a blessing she is in my life... I wish she lived closer. (((( Hap)))) I am so glad you have been blessed with a bit of new peace... it is a step in the right direction. I am going to talk to Bro. Ronnie tomorrow about a session with him.. Thank you all for being here...I will keep you all in my prayers.. Carolyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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